i'm a wreck

this could be my next mistake
but at this point what do i have to lose
a few dollars a few days
i'm so immature this is ridiculous
you'd never know it unless i told you
but i never have trusted myself with anything
i'm no good
but you're still around
and i have to question the motives behind your words
because the only way i can process anything is in a paranoid state of mind
and i never wanted to do this
but i don;t have a choice
please tell me it's okay, please tell me i'm okay
but don't lie
i'm such a walking contradiction i'm surprised you ever stayed around
i lie and i hold my breath
please catch me if i fall, could you help me fall
that's all i need is a push in the right direction
an opening to the right way, i just need to start again
i need to fight my own battles
i need to win my own wars
dependency is my only fall back
i say i don't need anyone but it's not true
i couldn't be alone if i tried
even though most of my life has been spent on the outside
i don't know what will happen when i'm forced to be alone again
i'm scared for the worst, but all i can do is hope for the best
and i never know what the next move is
i never know what will happen next
i'm so lost