Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

perpetual erratum

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

silently acquiescent;
aggression
sprinkled as saffron

she is wearing the pants
I dislike,
smile deceitful
subject turns benign

slow long bleeding...
the movie's at seven
caring
uncaring
sentence broken;
dispassionately

watching an animal
die slowly

concert tickets
in the mail

turning inward
too small
for mercy,
a coward and his kindness

painting the walls
cultivating a dying thing
small portable radio,
one left standing
one ticket unused

aware
we have to put it down
decaying known,
delayed

at the end of all this
she will cry
I am sure

someday
maybe in Barcelona
I will cry too


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In a list

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 30 of 30

  • Zayra Yves gold member
    April 26

    Edit | Reply


    intense and well written


  • Namita silver member
    April 21

    Edit | Reply
    "at the end of all this
    she will cry
    I am sure

    someday
    maybe in Barcelona
    I will cry too"

    it's so sad, it makes me go all sad for another 4 poems I write


    • AJ Morelli gold member
      April 21

      Edit | Reply
      sorry about that...lol

      i'm sure they will be wonderful poems if that helps

      thank you


      al

      • Namita silver member
        April 21
        Edit | Reply
        lol, its okay.. all my poems are already sad lol- just trying to happy up

        you're welcome

  • Suzanne Dia gold member
    April 5

    Edit | Reply
    You never waste words, and somehow in that you never lose the meaning..

    This is powerful.


    • AJ Morelli gold member
      April 5
      Edit | Reply
      thanks Suz... you'd be surprised to know how many words i waste, just not in poems

  • onerios13
    December 18, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    she is wearing the pants
    I dislike,
    smile deceitful
    subject turns benign


    I, like Ana, definitely dug this piece. Simple, yet superb, the imagery and the emotional pull are both hard pressed to ignore and marvelously depicted. The ending hurts so good...well done!
  • Nicole Hanna
    November 30, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Oh those last three lines are heartbreaking! Simply heartbreaking. I can feel the honesty in this poem, but you definitely don't get stuck in the humdrummities of every-day vocabulary, which seems to do a lot of poems in on this site. Yet, it is still so accessible. It's not so 'smart' as to make the reader feel stupid if they don't get it. lol. But smart enough to be seen as smart. It's a fine line to walk with poetry, and you've done it well here. Yay! I'm actually really glad you entered. I've just started reading your work and am already thrilled by it.

  • give2get
    November 19, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Interesting

    Very, very interesting construct; left wanting something more to unlock a fuller appreciation.

  • Blushfulmoon silver member
    November 17, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    excellent~

    Unique different and very impressive
    I really enjoyed this read...made me think
    Good luck in the contest and hope you come read mine I entered as well
    Susan~~~

  • grannyeri gold member
    November 10, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Something for everyone in this write. The photo to is a bit of this and a bit of that over top of something - like your verse. Quite unique really. Short lines easy to read, flows well. Very creative piece.

  • Half-Blood Angel
    November 10, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful yet sad...I got the gist of it all although I honestly didn't completely comprehend some of it. But nonetheless, great write! God bless...

    ~*Dazzle*~

  • Jacob Jesus Escape
    November 7, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    sad yet holding out a bit of hope
    endings are so messy
    any way you look at it
    but better to look at it from Barcelona
  • Bye
    November 7, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Great Job!

    I really enjoyed this because it kind of twists and turns as you read it. Very great job and good write!

  • Demokrit silver member
    November 2, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Well done, a piece that springs around like a bunny- life as it happenes set in an interesting poem- thank you for this one

  • Ink Shadow
    October 12, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    "subject turns benign" is little too poetic and out of place. You have an excellent in this. I liked the competition between emotional elements, a good job!

    D

  • janejainejayne gold member
    October 12, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Wonderful poem!

    I love the fragments, the sadness. It is all coming to an end and it is not bitter. Letting something that you still care about go because it has to happen. At least, that is my take. I like the feel and sound of the words. Jane

  • October 12, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Wow; it's almost like 'stream of conciousness,' the way it seems to jump back and forth between thoughts and concepts. Though provoking piece, a pleasure to read!

  • sshevak
    October 12, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Of highest quality

    Outstanding..

  • tanzanite
    October 12, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This is a work on many levels - I love the subtlety and I love the words you use. I think I should check out more of what you are doing. This was great. I am glad it was featured.

  • Cat gold member
    September 21, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    What I like so much about this piece is its subtlety. There is no great knock on the head with a hammer- it is just what it is.. It doesn't want to be more. It tells the story of the beginning of the end. It shows the poet looking into the future at possible futures- nothing set in stone- yet.

    The saffron image is perfect as is the pants and her passive aggressive behavior which denotes a tone of rebelliousness-

    This is a work which gets stronger with each read.

    Mary

  • cookie crumbs
    September 21, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Nice nice nice, I think you need to cheer up though, lol. j/k good luck in the contest.

  • grannyeri gold member
    September 21, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Back and forth, back and forth, perpetually. Liked the short lines and the bringing it back to him at the end.
  • mtgranola
    September 21, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    coffee!

    this is a very interesting write, i've enjoyed reading it... i'm supposing it's about love and the loss of that love but i may be wrong because that's what i read into it. overall, wonderful description and truly memorable...

  • Barb Davidson silver member
    August 12, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    You have me befuddled, I am reading two pieces, they twist around each other and my brain is frantically trying to untwist them, yet they spring back. Then i think, hmm, i have it until the last line then I just have to ask why Barcelona?

    Barb

  • Manicmuze
    August 5, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    It's lines like this;

    "she is wearing the pants
    I dislike" that say so much more than what they literally say that make me really love reading you. When everything the other person does begins to get on your nerves... its only a matter of time before "Barcelona" occurs :-)

    A strong poem, good luck in the contest.
    ~ Wendy


  • Notmeanymore
    August 3, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Good poem, I like it. The way you space and use the words is cool. And they are right, the last line really sums it up well.

  • Xx Alice xX
    August 2, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I like, and what a word person you are. It is all great but the last line kinda tells it all.
1 - 30 of 30