A broken sight is all that I saw
sleeping in the back of my mind
Afraid to dream so I tried to draw
the very sight that I thought was mine
Pieces of memories were penciled down
and drawn on sheets within my head
I stepped back to check them out
only to find something new instead
This dream I see, right in front of me
it no longer resides, from deep inside
I only hope that my love could see
that I've always dreamt that we'd collide
A stick figure of you, with your name below
was all that I had, it was all that I know
It's been here with me, since so long ago
when you told me to hold on, to never let go
And when I'm alone, I just close my eyes
I go back to my dreams, it's just you and I
And the work of art that you are is painted inside
on this white canvas of hope, which I keep alive
by fighting off the day that the paint will dry
until we can stand together, with our hearts close by
hand in hand, we'll finally see the world outside
and how it looks reflected in each others eyes.
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I know people kind of already said this but I do love how the title connects the whole poem together it just makes you want to open it and read it, the poem most def keeps upto standards with it.
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I Liked this poem
My first impression is of deep emotion. I don't find anything that I don't like about this poem. it is wonderful in its intensity. Emotionly I could feel the authors deep love for his girl, and I could care for someone like that. I didn't find it awkward to read. "Painted Dreams" are what we as poets do with the written word, so it is a very apt title for this poem. I liked the first line it set the tone. The last line says how the author felt quite well. I do not think I would change anything about the poem. It was overall quite good.
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Well Done
Your poem is very well written! You had a very pleasurable and consistent rhythm and nice rhymes. Very good flow and pattern. You are a talented poet!
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Stranger, thank you ^.^
Thanks for reading this poem, and taking the time to give your thoughts on it.
I tend to spend a good bit of time on each piece when writing, usually starting out by jotting down the poem in lines of 2-4 .. not moving on until they flow with an almost 'song playing on the radio' quality, reading smoothly in my head with lines having an even beat with their syllables and ending with rhymes that compliment the lines they complete.
Thanks for the praise and comments =)
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I enjoyed each line while reading it. To me the rhyme is subtle and it allows flow when reading. Your message is clear. The first stanza took me back to thinking that often I want to write down my dreams, but then it takes flight and replaced with a new one. It is as if one wants to stop the thinking that lets the dream vanish. But then you have saved the dream: "A stick figure of you" - none can take this away from you, not even you! Last line: reflects well with the painted dream [title], as in the eye's reflection the painting and dreaming will continue. Great writing.
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Thanks =)
Thanks Frans,
I really do appreciate your impression of this poem, as it always brings me back to the day I wrote it, and the feelings I had as the words came out ..
=)
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