burning through my soul
temptations unkempt like the
autumn leaves rustle
Author notes
Image credits - www.singlesourcephoto.com/massachusetts/images/fr/fra0036bg.jpg
Written August 1st, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- Haiku / Senryu by J Rhys Davies.
300 points, ended August 7, 2005, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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I was implying to the rustling of the leaves,comparing em to the temptations which were left unfulfilled...
Anyways everyone is entitled to their opinion,and I appreciate your comment. Once again thanks for the read. -
I will stand up and be different and say that while this shows promise it doesn't seem quite right to me, it seems a little awkward as the ideas to my mind don't gel together as well as they could and I think it is because of the use of "the" personally I think an adjective describing the leaves would be better here such as wet or dry for example.
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Wow, it amazes me when someone can say sooo much in such few words ... hats off dear lady ... you're gifted
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I think you did a nice job with this. You used the picture for inspiration and yet not as the focal point of the piece. I enjoyed this.
Nicely done.
~ John
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See I told you you'd be good at this form too.
Fantastic. -
Beautiful senryu! I like the way this is well laid out in the 5-7-5 format and the picture that accompanies the write. I like the mention of the season {kigo} of autumn here. Also, the way the autumn leaves are related to the temptations and desires of your heart is nice. Good luck in the contest.
Charishma -
I ejoyed this ~ very sensuous and full of abandon.
I felt captured like a leaf in the breeze. Lovely write Tara
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Now this is fabulous!
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