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Breast

Mother's milk urges
Gods and warriors a-like
Some case for a heart

Author notes


Written July 30th, 2005

In a list

A contest entry

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    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 16 of 16

  • horus8 gold member
    August 1, 2005
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    Unfortunately, but the Greeks drink enough to hump anything.

  • ecrivain01
    August 1, 2005
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    Such nonsense.

    Some case for a heart. Yeah, I see it now. I didn't read it the right way. The Greeks would have liked it.


  • horus8 gold member
    August 1, 2005
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    Perhaps I'm saying, I really don't give a fuck?


  • horus8 gold member
    August 1, 2005
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    If only your poetry was as good as your inane banter.


  • August 1, 2005
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    what is a breast? Could you please email me with a photograph, and a detailed description of the breast's function in mammalian societies?


  • NurseChilly gold member
    July 31, 2005
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    clever.. a case of protection,the sheer joy of a man's obsession with tits.. and so cleverly done too
    and a purity to it .. mother's and warriors a-like.. yes..
    Jeremi.. this is a good un' hun.. much enjoyed


  • Imokon
    July 31, 2005
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    I don't give a shit wether it's a hi-fuck-u or not.
    I think the last line is spiffy.


  • Queen of Cups
    July 31, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I liked it .Gods or warriors all as babes sustained by the milk of their mothers .

  • ecrivain01
    July 31, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Yes. It's a senyru, but the last line is odd. I can't quite get what you're trying to say with it.


  • shastadaisey123
    July 30, 2005
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    well haiku smacku doesn't matter to me..if you feel it write it and warriors be damned


  • SimpleSarcasm
    July 30, 2005
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    Don't shoot me but uh...no not haiku, maybe it would pass as senryu which is the human element but not haiku. Yes it does follow the form of ku but it's missing some things.

    Most haiku in English consist of three unrhymed lines of seventeen or fewer syllables, with the middle line longest, though today's poets use a variety of line lengths and arrangements. In Japanese a typical haiku has seventeen "sounds" (on) arranged five, seven, and five. (Some translators of Japanese poetry have noted that about twelve syllables in English approximates the duration of seventeen Japanese on.) Traditional Japanese haiku include a "season word" (kigo), a word or phrase that helps identify the season of the experience recorded in the poem, and a "cutting word" (kireji), a sort of spoken punctuation that marks a pause or gives emphasis to one part of the poem. In English, season words are sometimes omitted, but the original focus on experience captured in clear images continues.


    ~Dee

  • falcon pixie wings
    July 30, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    if you dont get it your not going to. have a nice day


  • horus8 gold member
    July 30, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    No.

  • Joy Division
    July 30, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    weird........but still good. It follows the Hiaku pattern..so yeah


  • ricochet rabbit
    July 30, 2005
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    I liked: the deep thought in this write. I think this is very effective as a piece of haiku. Good job.

    I disliked: "a-like". I am not sure if this is wordplay, but if it is not, perhaps you mean "alike". Just trying to be helpful.


  • Osarkon
    July 30, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Ok....this haiku (?) seriously confused me. The first line i could relate to the title, and at a stretch the last, if it meant that it protected the heart, but as for the middle line, I'm at a loss I'm afraid. Could you explain this to me so I could appreciate it more?

1 - 16 of 16