I wanted to be like you,
so perfect, so untouchable,
I wanted everyone to be
in awe of the beautiful
clothes I wore,
I wanted to dazzle everyone with
my riches of jewelry,
I wanted everyone to know my
name, seek only me when I
entered a room,
I wanted to seduce the world
with my taunting smile,
I wanted the world to see only
Me, me, me.
Then one day I grew up and realized
the only thing about me was false hood,
My smile was only a painted one,
My jewelry a burden of payments
left unpaid,
My flirtations left me empty handed,
My life was full of superficial friends,
I hated what I saw in the mirror and it was
then that I changed,
I no longer wanted to be like you
so perfect so untouchable,
The envy I had was no longer,
For I had learned envy only
Invites sin.
I wanted to be me that had been hidden
In the crevasses of the you I had become.
Author notes
Written July 29th, 2005
A contest entry
- Looking For Crickets by Celticmoon.
1500 points, ended July 15, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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I cannot stress enough how much I adore the ending to this piece. To live and finally realize that all along one only need be themself is a realization of the grandest nature. A true work of art with a very deep and thought provoking message that I believe many could very well benefit from. Thank you for entering and good luck!
Blessings
Bel
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This isnt a cricket.............
This is an UBER CRICKET!! -
Tearz
Wow, this one really touched me!
Many have lived this life, yet never saw that person in the mirror.....Your poem is beautifully written, powerful, and simply devine...I love this!
TY for entering!
Lynda
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Everyone should strive to be their own person, and to embrace their own originality. Trying to copy someone else only leads to inevidable unhappiness.
Not to change the subject or anything, but I'm just wondering if you've payed off the jewelery yet lol j/k
Nicely written, thanks for entering the contest
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Hello Frozen tears,
This is a wonderful poem!
I do believe some people try to be like others because they don't know who they really are and they think the grass is greener
! The outcome is never contemplated, sometimes to late in life!
A well written poem with a strong message!
I really enjoyed your write!
Thank you for entering the contest!
Jasminerose
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Tearz a wonderful piece showing us that the only happiness we gain is from being and pleasing ourselves and not trying to hard to make others like us.One usually finds that once we realize that , That others do like us Great piece Good luck in the contest
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Fantastic
You did a fantastic job, Tears, of conveying the thoughts of one person envying the other, and an even better job of pointing out how one loses self when they strive to be someone else. Best wishes in the contest!
Love and hugs, B♥nnieQ
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Great poem. I love how you describe envy in this poem.
No matter how pretty or handsome one person is if you not them. You want to be like them is like lying to yourself and your soul. Great write!! Thank you for the entry. Good luck
wish you the best
snow -
The people we admire change us. We see the surface, the cool, shallow, shiney surface and think they are so perfect...and when only by being them, do we see the flaws.
I wanted everyone to know my
name seek only me when I
That flows wrong, but stll great. -
I LOVE this poem.... When I read it for the first time..... I thought that it was..... an little confusing but yet understandable for me.... my mouth almost touched the ground.... this piece is amazing and yet soo true for human kind.... You know how little kids look up to older people???? well you put this poem in such a way that even the old can understand how the little kids think.....right??? well you did an outstanding job.....
Forever Tiger
p.s. I found no mistakes while reading this poem... -
Wow this is awesome.... whether this is factual of fiction... you have created a write that many can associate with....The longing desire to be something that you think everyone wants you to be... you have expressed well. Love how at the ending "you" figure out you just want to be yourself Wonderful message that All should hear Bravo to you on a GREAT WRITE... I can not say enough about this... my applause to you Amy
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AWESOME
Awesome.... just simple awesome!!!! Keep he ink flowing for you are a great poet!!!! Love and hugs...
~Donna~ -
oh bravo! very well done and a great lesson displayed as well. Often we do want to be something or someone that we are not, until we get to walk in their shoes and realize, they really aren't out size and not comfortable at all Love this. Gypsy
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This is buetifuly written and shows the evils of perfection. It has a deep meaning. It is interesting how you tied in what you want in the begining and how it is destruction in the end.
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We all wear masks, sometimes we forget what is the real person and the one wearing the mask. You did an excellent job on this Good luck in the contest
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very good - well written!
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You go Tears! This is an awesome poem that makes a very good point. Trying to be like someone else don't allow us to ever be ourselves, which is what we were intended to be good or bad. This has a great flow to it. A very powerful message! huggles ~Sandy
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Sometimes it is a painful journey to accept and embrace the person that we truly are. We put on fronts to hide what we don't want others to see...
This is remarkably insightful and so very well written.
Awesome piece
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Sad, deep and well written Keep writing, this was a very powerful and well written poem
All the best,
Pozo
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Heartwreching And Honest
If only others could see us for who we truly were --- your poem sheds so much light upon such a darkened societal view...truly inspiring -
we often think the person with the right "look" has it all and so strive to mold ourselves in the same pattern. looks are superficial as your poem states so well.
good job on this! -
fact,fiction?brilliant,yes!you have painted a great picture of someone who found it hard to be true to themselves.my best to you in the contest.
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Beautiful! This is perhaps one of my favorites you ahve written! I loved the sandess and teh realization int his...the whole thing madea [erfect transition. It was really a great piece full of emotion and perfect ironyh. Great write!
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You did a fabulous job! If this isn't fiction...I also add that it is a heluva good job at some soul work as well!
I applaud you!!! Love, K
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