My time has come to say goodbye,
As I watch a tear weep from your eye.
I know you understand my pain,
And things will never be the same.
I stand amongst people better than me,
And this, they all so clearly see.
It would be better, there is no doubt,
If I were to take the easy way out.
End my story, my tale, my tune,
Nothing left, only essence of perfume.
And when I'm gone, don't weep, don't cry,
For we will meet again, amongst the angels of the sky.
Author notes
Written July 29th, 2005
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1 - 8 of 8
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That is truly a beautiful piece of writting.
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hey hey hey.... Where are you going?? dont go you wax virgin!!! or we could go somewhere on holiday, oo sounds good, im think singapore, cos feee wants to go there to eat noodles, but i told her we could just go to west quay to eat noodles but she said singapore would be better. then i asked her if she knew where singapore was, and she said she ddnt no... but hey, so dont die or anything cos like, what the hell would we do?? what would lloyd do?? who would i have to take the piss out of their silly gang! its all so silly... silly silly silly...i love zoe 4ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wooooie
shoobie dooo bee doo doo doooooo oooh weee! are you telling me this is a sign???? mwahahah!!! love yoooouuuu
|~*¬Lucy¬*~| -
thankyou so mucc
i'm glad you liked it, and i'll take your views into account ! thankee again!
x-Zoe-x -
A moving piece, there's no doubt about that. You make thoughts of suicide seem almost peaceful - I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Probably good stylisticially and aesthetically and bad in real life, huh
I like your form and the length is perfect. You're also really good at rhyming. A couple of things to maybe help you polish this piece up a bit (although they are only suggestions, so don't feel like you have to follow them ): First, one little thing that might make your poem a little more smooth is to capitalize all of your I's; maybe it's just a pet peeve of mine, but a lowercase i looks a little sloppy. Another kind of nit-picky thing I will mention is that sometimes you put a space after your commas and sometimes you don't. The correct way is to put a space, but art isn't always correct I'll just suggest that you pick one version (either space or no space) and apply it to the entire poem instead of switching back and forth. My only other suggestion is to play a bit with line 10: "Nothing left, only essence of perfume." For some reason, "essence of perfume" rubs raw for me. Sometimes I find it helpful to take a line like that and rewrite it as many ways as I can think of that mean the same thing, even if they sound really stupid, then pick the one I like the best. A couple of suggestions, for instance: "only my essence: perfume" or "only essence, just perfume". Like I said before, these are just suggestions. Your poem still shines as it is and I liked it a lot. Thanks for sharing and keep your chin up. Smile 
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Aww i like the stlye of this poem its great i love it *Amanda
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hey this was awesome, i loved the rhyming and the ending was excellent!
keep it up, i'll check out more of your work soon!
xXx Sian xXx -
Good write zoe! i like the last 2 lines its kinda sad..but yet very cute! hehe..keep it up!! xxx Crimson xxx
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Awww shit that is really sad and emotive..ummm please dont kill yourself we (your freinds) all love you. Very beautiful and well written. Keep at it unlike me who has a serious case of writters block.
Kate xxx
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