what particle
what measure of gravity
never brillianced the heart
of suns long since extinguished
or punched through the portal cores
of ancient faded black holes
what searing pains
what morbid fetters of flesh
will remember the cries
that bore them into the light
or recall in terror
malignant growths and broken bones
sometimes i feel my life
sucked out across the void
and as i clutch my breath
shudder at the looming loss
starscapes burn through the lids
when i shut my eyes
Author notes
Written July 26th, 2005
In a list
Thoughts, Feelings, Interpretations, Experience:
Comments
1 - 37 of 37
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Wow! Absolutely brilliant poem, Erin! That is exactly how I feel it some times. We are all made of stardust, but what I wonder is where the souls come from... What is that essense that pass from body to body, from life to life, from era to era..... You deserve my standing ovation, and a heartfelt applause for this one! 
Jim
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Alright, I can see how you would think that I would like this, and I do. I have something that I wrote when I was first diagnosed and it was kinda mixed with how I felt about someone at the time. It was very free verse and I look back on it now, and think that I still feel the same way, so it must of meant something.
allpoetry.com/Poem/69689
I went to your home page last night, I listened to some of the things that you had to say, and while I sit in pain from the chemotherapy and radiation, I find your words, voice and thoughts very comforting, inspiring and thankful in such a dark time for me. Even though I do not know you, I must say thank you for just being you, for posting and for giving someone in my situation a little bit of sunlight through your words. -
good job
I read it before I read the comments, and after seeing that "teen angst" comment, went back and read it again. I see nothing even remotely similar to "teen angst". To me, it sounds like someone who's barely managed to survive the horros of Guantanamo or Aschwitz. I think it's a dynamite write, and I think it could also go to a sci-fi magazine and have a very good chance of being published. Excellent job by my lights. -
exquisite
I like the "depth" of your work. great to read you. -
I wrote a poem called stardust ...while the title is the same the content is from two differnt worlds. well done on this poem i all-ways enjoy your work ......It makes me look up.
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I do love this poem
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I have a to admit to you, I am a fan. Your poetry has never failed to inspire a poem of my own or put me in owes way. This poem has an interesting message itself. I agrre with you, it does seem the univerise and we as humans are all connected on another level. If it is possiable that we can ever understand that connection is yet to be know, we can phantom to hope we not the cockroches of the universe.
Again, this poem is wonderful. I know you take much of your time to compelet each and every one with care and for that, I thank you.
Anna Goose -
Magnificento!!
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the 'meat' isn't added so much as everything else is just stripped away. the meat is there irregardless. it's just that it's often burried under a pile of words that need to be discarded. this pile of words comes from a pile of thoughts. before the words that cover up the meat can be discarded, the thoughts that decorate the words must be discared. in a way i suppose it's an intuitive process of allowing oneself to "see" past the words to the "thing" being focused on.
this poem doesn't actually succeed in my mind, though it comes fairly close. sometimes the meat is revealed by adding words...but then those words are the meat now aren't they? sometimes the meat is revealed by stripping excess words away.
and sometimes... the meat is revealed by not using words at all. but, this gets into another realm altogether that doesn't have a poetic expression.
Edited on Sep 09, 1:46 because ''. -
I just wanted to come back to this. You see this is why I call all my poems 'outlines' or ideas- because this would take any of my poetry and add the 'meat' to it to make it poetry. I guess what I am missing is the formal education in poetry, but I am getting there.
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WEEEIIIIRRRRDDD THAT WE HAD THE SAME IDEA, WOH, FREAKY. PERHAPS WE ARE ON THE SAME PATH OF DESTINY WHATEVER THAT IS? I even had another earlier version with a stanza on blackholes that I decided to leave out- so wow were we thinking similiar. This is exceptional. You really got your thinking across well here.
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wow a really passionate and thought provoking write...you write with a talent so profound...this was stunning...simple stunning...well done Erin! x
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rj: this was intended to be a poem that attempted to tie in the cosmic samsara with human samsara in a way that showed they weren't entirely different, and that everything that is here was there, and all that is here will be there again, that our existence is merely an eddy in an interdimensional stream of consciousness.
i'm going to have to try something like this again sometime and see if i can pull away from the teen angst impressions. :/
but i will admit that there was a particular spark of inspiration in writing this--a pain in my throat that has slowly been intensifying and blocking off my breathing over the course of about four years...
Edited on Aug 09, 3:52 because ''. -
Classy "teen angst" genre write! Smashing imagery. Just posted one of my own to see if it could be done well. Suppose I wasted my time. You were obviously proving the same point I was working on making, that it can. I cheated to the degree that I had to insert the element of time, not common to the genre. But then your dicipline allows you to better manage without the temporal element than mine and makes your write truer to the genre. Seriously well done.
As to the tone and texture of this write...great job! Great tensions, nice releases. This is clean, strong, forceful and solid fading to dark. A tad over the top..but that's the way I like poetry.
After rummaging through the AP junk bins searching for kind things to say, I had to stop by and read some good poetry. Thanks for not disapointing me. My, aren't we getting pretentious in our old age???
Peace,
~RJ~ -
tremendous write man i read it a few time to let it settle.. great job..loved it ..
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BA: aye. i went through a lot of hubble telescope images over the course of a few months and converted them all into backgrounds for my desktop. in fact, this side-bar background is from one of the hubble telescope images: heritage.stsci.edu/1999/12/big.html
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very nice... you seem to like writing about stars lately, huh?
i really like the flow of this piece and i think you write well in this form. i liked it, good job...
bexa -
great write with a nice flow!
very descriptive.
Candy Kiss
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When the moon hits your eyes like a big pizza
Dear Erin,
I'm starting to get interested in science reading you lately,
and for good reason! You make the galaxy seem approachable and not something to be afraid of. At least in your poems you do.
Probably in person you might like to scare the wits out someone sometime!LOL
"Not too shabby!" And that is a quote from God when he finished creating the thing!LOL#2
Take care buddy and regards to Ms Bezoar!
John -
Oh how wonderful, He writes again.
This is wonderful..though sadness fills the page
I can see that you have pain within your soul that
needs to be released. Very nice job, Erin. Hope it wont
be too long before i see you again.
Tammy
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well your the little talent arnt you. well what to say reading this was great a very REAL kind of poem i enjoed it greatly.
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EXCELLENT
WOW!! iam lost for words to describe this amazing poem!! -
i've already bookmarked it--also posted a complaint in the policy board about AP's disgusting excuse for a search engine (which would have made it easier to find your poem if the damned thing actually worked).
Okay, we haven't met before. I thought you might be a Curtis who lives here in Portland.
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allpoetry.com/Poem/944679
If you cut-and-paste the link above, you should get access to my poem "Void." While you're at it, please help yourself to reading any number of the poems I've posted on this site. With luck, we'll figure out how we may know each other. (I thought for a minute the "OR" on your homepage stood for "Orlando," as in "Orlando, Florida" near the suburb of Winter Park wehre I live. Silly me, I wasn't thinking.)-Curtis -
k-dense: i bookedmarked your "Void" poem (this means i'll eventually get around to reading it and leaving a comment). would have been easier if you left me a link.
hate hunting for poems here, especially since the bloody search mechanism doesn't work for shit.
so, are you the same curtis i've met in person or someone i haven't met? -
Just wanted you to know I have read through this a couple of times and will do some absorbing and return later with some commentary.
Cheers,
Del -
Ooh, that is very nice. I love the format and how you didn't capitalize any of the words, it really helps it flow. Beautiful write.
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Wow! Very descriptive! I love it! It's so powerful in words. You need to write more. I love haow you used space and sadness in this. Keep writing!
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superb
great writes... smooth flow ... excellent use of words....such a delight to read ....no one shall ever know ....happy writing -
Hi a great write as usual from you ,great flow and feel, good word usage, a pleasure to read even though the subject material was sad.all the best great write, hugs Di
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This was really good, great imagination, and great use of words. Your poem flowed well and had emotion in it which is very good. Also you could read it just how it is or you could take it another way something deep, and whats even better is that both ways work so great job. Once again good job and keep writing.
~*shannon marie*~ -
A beautiful poem worth reading
Really Really good, This is so beautiful. Thank you!! -
starscapes burn through my lids
when i close my eyes
-Veeeerrrry niiiccce. this piece is rife with striking iamgery. Do you by chance slam/perform poetry live? You have a very etheral cadence/flow that makes me think that this poem would be accepted very well by an audience if recited on stage.You should feel free to check out my own astro-centric poem "Void," as well as any/all other poetry I've posted on this site.-Curtis Meyer
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It's obvious to me that you have some talent, but I honestly felt that this was simply too short - and it bothers me to say that because I was really starting to get into it - and then it was over. Like I said, I think you have talent, but I just hope you develope the story a bit more next time.
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SS: i'll think about "ebbing". it didn't strike me as being cliche because it felt like i was using it in an original fashion. do you feel it's just the word itself that's cliche or also its usage?
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Now this is a lost love type of poem I can get my teeth into. I've been trying to write--what I call mush-- for the last two days, needless to say my muse is mute on the subject. I will say, quite humbly, that the ebbing word is a tad cliché which, I find surprising coming from you, please don't shoot the screen. All in all I love the piece, written with your usual panache.
~Dee
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oh my .... its very strong ... brillianced the heart of a pulsing star' lovely.... stars burn .... and dying inside .... its very beautiful ..... ' ....... and scary ... >>> EM
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