Life begins
Simply, then someone sins
The ball drops, the ball rolls, the ball dies
Soul eaters, whore mongers, and murderers arise
All from the dregs of what societies despise
No one holds on to truth anymore
Those who, though, life adore
Hit the floor...
Author notes
Written on 25th July 2005 at 02:23 GMT
This is what I got from the picture. Everyone can fall victim to the dregs of society...
Artwork by Jason Beam
In a list
- trophy 1 - gold • next in list
- written for contests • next in list
- 1-10 • next in list
- rhyme • next in list
- form: octa-tri • next in list
- inspiration: picture • next in list
A contest entry
- Options Contest : (Environment, Society, or Personal Triumph) by Cherokee.
425 points, ended December 21, 2006, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Trophy PW by Rhythm Child.
400 points, ended October 22, 52 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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This poem had a lot of punch for it's size. I was lost on the next to the last line and I'm wondering if you had a typo or accidently wrote that line incorrectly. Or maybe I just didn't understand. The poem has great potential though. Thank you for entering my contest. I think you have a lot of talent!
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Great
wow. that was great. i really felt something as i read this. it is unbelievibly true. great work!
*Dom* -
so true, so true.... great job
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I guess no matter what we as individuals do with our lives those about us or those who have some degree of control over us have an impact on what we can and cant do with ourselves. can change us ultlimately by forcing us to go to war that we did not start and had no part in the deciding of but they can and do send us where some will not return. Thank you for entering the contest I really appreciate it.
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Awesome job- congrats on the win!
-Ceilinh -
Accurate
Whoa, that is dark. It's a fair look on society, I have to admit though. Good write. -
Soul eaters, whore mongers, and murderers arise
All from the dregs of what societies despise
Very well put together sentances. I couldn't have dont this. Very good job -
Brilliant and courageous!
I like your take on society and the way it deals with real "truth"...I'm a speaker of that kind of "truth" without fear anymore...so this resonates with me. -
I used the ball thingy to mean something along the lines of when the ball drops at the end of a year bringing in a new year, or when the penny drops meaning someone has realised something. Basically, I wrote what came into my head. But I really like your analysis of it, thank you very much!
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Too true. Short yet perfect. Great wording! I love it. Keep it up!
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Ha! This was original. It was twisted, and unassumingly dark. It was like the dusk hour as the sun sets, especially with the allusion to the "ball". Did you wish to mean the ball to be our source of light and salvation, namely our luminous sky-spheres?
If so, good job, I discovered you. If not, then I must be dumb, or read too intensely into your poetry. Wait for the applause! -
let the bodies hit the floor..let the bodies hit the floor
interesting. different. the pictures are freaky. all in all, a good read. good job with writing this. enjoyed.
Blu -
Your comment was as amazing as your own poetry! Thank you so much for such an encouraging message. You made me smile so much, it was beyond belief at how wide my mouth could go! Thank you again, thank you thank you THANK YOU!!!
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Yes! Someone actually saw what "I" saw in the pictures! LOL
(I'm doing a happy dance here...lol) I LOVE IT! LOVE IT! LOVE IT! Short, powerful, insightful. Just goddamn fabulous! This to me depicts the true cause, the true calling to the four horsemen, people accept and do not care, therefore the good often fall and the rest merely accept! Freakin beyond a masterpiece! Sold! I love it! Blessings, Gypsy
Edited on Jul 26, 6:32 p.m. because ''. -
Short and spiked. That's how I'd describe the feeling of this piece. I think it's great! ^^-^^
I think, you brought your point across nicely, and that you're right, anyone can fall into that trap. So is life, right? -
Very dark and true, i love it!
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A deep pond the reader can dive into without drowning... nice piece! The meaning of the last two lines is fractured- a grammatical mistake there, maybe, or just abstraction one level deeper than the rest of the piece?
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I absolutely love this, how wonderful of a write. You have great talent. it was deep and thought provoking. I loved it. Great job, Thanks so much for sharing it. I LOVE IT!!!
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Nice, nice write. Love the brevity of the piece. It flows well, keeps the reader's attention through out the whole piece. Nice wisdom in this write.
~Dee -
Very nicely thought out...i would like to now though...Hw long did it take to make this poem?? if you wouldnt mind also cheking out my poems...Goth Out!With Youre Rock Out!
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This was very interesting. Very dark and had depth even though it was such a short poem. I can feel the power of it. It is something society on the whole has to admit to but wants to hide in the closet and not think about. Thanks for sharing. Great write
God Bless
Tammy -
Wow really meaningful even though it was short (like me) but still it was really good. And I love the background and the pictures so very...gorey and captivating. I loved this keep penning your really good dont let anyone tell you other wise.
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wow that was really strong. really i don't know the words but great job i love it and by the way i love the pictures where did you get and feel free to read some of my poems and comment thanks and have a nice day
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5
good -
This poem has a very awesome and powerful beginning first phrase. I like the way you used rhyme in this piece.
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I love it! Speaks volumes. I like the image, too, but I didn't even look at it before reading the poem. Nicely done!
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great job
wooooooow that was sooooooo good if you dont mind me askin would you mind checkin out my site i would very much appreciate your oppinion
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