when was there never famine, never war,
no bloody battles fought for real estate
with every nation harmonized in peace?
when have the heavens paused like polished stone,
motionless across the fields of space,
to pass a single year without a sign?
what season never yielded plague nor blight,
with all the divers cultures steeped in bounty,
no bloody battles fought for real estate?
what age has seen the quaking earth hold still,
her ever-changing contours locked in place?
when have the heavens paused like polished stone?
which hour never saw men gaunt with hunger
nor ever shook men from their chosen path,
with all the divers cultures steeped in bounty?
when have conditions failed to vex the soul,
and terrors slept enchanted with the grace
to pass a single year without a sign?
what creed has never suffered purblind wrath,
nor punished those who hold a different faith,
nor ever shook men from their chosen path?
where has the climate never loosed a storm?
what river never leapt beyond its base?
when have the heavens paused like polished stone?
what people never felt the touch of crime,
no greed nor malice wasting human hearts,
nor punished those who hold a different faith?
when have diviners ever granted sway,
allowing humankind some minor space
to pass a single year without a sign?
since time began to crumble written thoughts,
when was there never famine, never war,
no greed nor malice wasting human hearts,
with every nation harmonized in peace?
was there a time impostors never sought
to stage themselves as some important face?
when have the heavens paused like polished stone,
to pass a single year without a sign?
Author notes
to learn more about the hybridanelle: allpoetry.com/ Column/1086828 /all=1
Written July 22nd, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- RHYMED POEMS ABOUT SOMETHING IMPORTANT ... by ecrivain01.
1150 points, ended October 27, 2007, 26 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 68 of 68
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It's a wonderful poem ...
as you undoubtedly know. It just doesn't fit the contest. It poses questions, but it doesn't answer any of them.
Seems I remember seeing one of your poems that did answer some of them, but can't remember what it was. It's late, I guess, and my mind isn't working up to par.
Have you heard from Debs lately? I heard from him a week or so ago, but he seems very troubled.
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Actually it does answer the questions, in my own way.
It just points out that this is the way humans are. Nothing's new.
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Never....there are always signs....oh duh! that is what you were saying sorry blonde moment. This almost seems as if you have a little religious leaning....I may be wrong but that is how I am soaking it all in. I am so high tonight and I have only had one soda...maybe it is all these awesome poems and thoughts that spout a breath of relief that I have not yet breathed??????? This one is being bookmarked....oh yeah go me!
KAY -
Life is nothing but unanswered questions.
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I found this poem intrigueing. this is the first i've read by you(you were highly recommended to me by a friend). the use of the rhetorical is poignant, though i also am at a loss as to what (if any) your answers are. the choice of repetition is brilliant, my favorite images from the poem would visit me from time to time as i read the stanzas. is this a form or your preference? i ask out of ignorance, having never studied poetry as in-depth as i should like.
incidently i loved the fact that you used the elizabethan form "divers". the words themselves are wonderful in this poem.
so in my humble ignorance of higher poetic understanding, i still enjoyed this work imensely.
p.s. that may have sounded sarcastic... it wasn't
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APPLAUSE
When it comes to a critical review, I acquiesce...just know it's on my favorites list! -
Wow... all your comments are way above my head... I just liked the way that the words undulate back and forth down the page. Also... did not nostradamus write his prophecies in quatrains? I think it would have been an interesting idead to emulate the style nostradamus used in this poem, just because of the prophetic subject with the poem.. it would add that extra edge of mystery that most prophetic poems lack! Not to say you do, It is quite good, but there are still ways to add more to it
Excellant job!
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lol
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How is that pedantic? You seem to confuse a preferance for literacy with pedantry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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ES: aahhh, i used to be a hard-core pedant, too.
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not me, sorry. i dislike the absence of capitals, the excess of zeds, and the over-abundance of nevers, and there is no moral comment either, no conclusion......
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If and never. Wicked poem. Covers life as was as is. Great.
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what a wonderful song, i love this.. i hope to hear it some day on the radio, are you going to try to get this recorded? i think that you should!
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I liked that, it was interesting
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Questions, questions and more questions and can we ever attempt an answer? We would certainly need to go back to the time no human arrived this planet yet or else we certainly know since the time of the first man it has been one crises after the other.We are only praying and waiting for that hour these threats would finally cease.Such a profound and thought-provoking piece.
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Hey, this was an awesome write. It was amazingly written and the flow was good. Great choice of words and that as well. This was realy well done, awesome job, I enjoyed reading it!
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brilliant write
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I like the questioning style of this poem, but maybe I misunderstand the message, which seems to be, "thus it ever was, and ever shall be."
I didn't particularly like the repetition of the line: "no bloody battles fought for real estate" - and this is just a gentle suggestion for the second repetition. Why not: "no battles fought for pastures green" - maybe a bit subtle, but a vague reference to the old proverb "the grass is always greener etc. -" - most battles over land being for greed.
I still enjoyed this poem very much and thank you for sharing it.
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Great lyrical quality. This was great work.
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wow this is very good~
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Beautiful Diamond
This is so incredible! OMG!! I see this as a beautiful song...
How do you do it?? This is a diamond!! Thank you for this beautiful piece! I aspire to write so well.
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wow
so amazing, the word choice, the flow, they all just blew me away, great write -
wow, this was great, i loved how you fit your words together and your imagery.
what creed has never suffered purblind wrath,
nor punished those who hold a different faith,
nor ever shook men from their chosen path?
where has the climate never loosed a storm?
what river never leapt beyond its base?
when have the heavens paused like polished stone?
that was written so well, I can't believe it, keeep up the great work. -
Good
This is a very well put poem I liked how it had a lot of questions put into it if people only asked them selfs these questions maybe the world would be a little better and not so messed up but people are not like that sadly good work and good luck in all your writes and all you do -
NICE! very deep. i like it
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wow.... well written. thoughtful. xxxxx
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This is profound, and makes me yearn for the hope of heaven. A good work and a good observation of humanity. Worth the read, look forward to more of your work.
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It's intersting but, to me, it seems to try too hard. I do like simple, honest poetry. Not that this piece isn't - just in a way that I don't understand or relate to. I can't like poetry for the sake of it. I have read a lot of your other work - some of which i really love, others which inspire the same reaction in me as this one ... interest followed by mild confusion. Do you ever just let a poem flow out of you or is your work always so considered?
Please take no offence. At least this piece rattled my brain a little.
Edited on Jul 30 because ''. -
The form is very unique in this poem, and I enjoyed the content. I like how it sort of "sways." Keep up the good work. I do agree with ricochet rabbit that it was rather wordy.
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I liked: your images. You got very nice descriptions -- and your poetry seems meditative, not rhetorical. I love the lyrical quality.
I disliked: how verbose this was. I think you could cut this down quite a bit. Also, I believe you can say much more in a succinct manner. "When in doubt, leave it out". -
Not so's I recall, but I can hope I am or will someday be wrong. Actually there are no real answers to the underlying questions. None that dare pass our human lips. C'est La Vie.
Further, this was just nice. The question format did well with the 3 line stanza's. And as there was no need for a temporal element this write lent itself well to the form's limitations.
The texture and tone were over all rich and authentic. Made me want to reply...so it pulled me in. Nice work. Kudos.
Peace,
~RJ~ -
a good read
Very interesting. I especially like the line, "when have the heavens paused like polished stone?" One small error: there is an 'e' at the end of "diverse". This is a rare bit of beauty in a sea of mediocrity. A breath of fresh air. Thank you. -
Hehe, I was about to ask about hybridanelles but then I read your author's comment. It has similarities to villanelles, I can see already- lines repeated, similar pattern of lines but twice as many 3 and 4 -line stanzas.
Sophists... I read about the Sophists in Sophie's World.. Were they the ones who believed that they were experts in their fields? Is this poem referring to how prophets may prophecise (is that the right word?) that war, famine and suffering will happen, but that it always does? Hmm. I think these things are inevitable, unfortunately.
I shall take a look at the column now. Thanks. Keep writing
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Wow what if all was ok and no one ever had a bad poem then it would mean YOUR IS REALLY GREAT.very good poem you have put out here for us to read,thanks .
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Your work is so inspiring. I love the reasons and opinions you speak of. My opinions are like yours, but some different sometimes. Great write. All is fair, love and war-not really. hehe! Great poem. I will check up on your work.
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:)
WOW! This is sooooooo... Wow! You did such a greatttt job with this. As the person above me said... I could picture myself reading this in a college literature textbook! This was just unbelieveable! You have such a great talent! Its poets like you I always look up to the most! Thankyou for the inspiration! P.S. Keep up the outstanding work! Deff. Adding you to my favorite poets list
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That was a really, really, really good piece of work. I could see myself reading it in a college literature textbook as a required read.
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In love with it, honestly, its one of the best poems ive ever read, your an amazing writer <3
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I'm still not sure if I like this type of poetry. Just as with the ghazal, both seem too...complicated. I've always viewed poetry as the naked soul of the writer. Not following any particular path just a flasher to what ever reader happens to stop by.
I think, no I know, I love your free verse much better. Because I can see you better through the words.
Just my humble opinion.
~Dee -
I guess it must be me, for many seem to appreciate these repeated lines – I really do dislike them though – I have even tried to sing them like songs with a recurring line but it just pulls me up short every time I hit those lines again!
The ‘original’ (ish) Lear limerick had the first line as a repeat – or near repeat of the first and it always seemed a dreadful waste to me… and that is the feeling I get here – you have a really good title and theme but then instead of a steady progress, it’s a hopscotch hotchpotch…
Undoubtedly good writing I just can’t take the form¡!
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the answer to you question is this. When there were no mankind on this earth. For from the begin mankind has thought that it was better than the other so to prove it they started fighting. and if that did work they scare tack of of tell what the futrue was going to be. but other than this all one can say is what will be will be. I like your poem it makes one think . and to me that is a sign of a good poem
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Hi Erin really like thid form a super poem, I must try this form, great ,beautiful flow and feel, a real pleasure to read, all the best, hugs Di
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This was very interesting and puzzling. The meaning behind the write was deep, and the refrain stressed very well what you thought was important to the message.
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Thou art a master of thy craft.The metre and rhyme is just so perfect that I stand amazed at it. The ideas expressed are also so lucid and the argument is so clear. I think that its really a very difficult task to bring out the force of an argument in a poem which you've done so well.
I do agree with your basic thesis, although I would say that the ancients who gave the endtimes prophecies wrote it in painful conditions in the midst of injustice and the prophecies of the endtimes were expressions of hope that justice will be served then if not now.
when have the heavens paused like polished stone,
motionless across the prism of space,
to pass a single year without a sign?
Wow! The refrain is just breathtaking.
"I'm a pessimist because of intelligence, but an optimist because of will."-Antonio Gramsci
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WOW deep
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As always, I stand amazed. I had to read this a few times. The first time I read it all I felt was the utter hopelessness that the world today is facing. It's as if there is no end to all the troubles facing us. And then the more I read, the more I began to realize that there is hope after all, it's in all those that were not mentioned in this piece. You did a really great job with this, Erin. It's a topic that many would have a lot of difficulty expressing, but you make it seem effortless. The flow is amazing, it carries you along as the words strip bare the darkness in our world. The words "when have the heavens paused like polished stone" will echo in my heart and mind for a long time to come. Your hybridanelles always do that...they leave just one poignant thought that has a way of sticking with me. Thanks for another great piece, Erin. Much love to you and yours,
Nicole
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Excellent
Excellent poem...Written so well...Makes you really think..Very good write..
God bless,
Betty -
Wow i think this is the first poem i've read that has really grasped my attention and really made me think! This was an excellent piece!! Keep up the good work!
!~Alden~! -
aleach: you don't understand the whole poem, or a part of it, or one of my comments in relation?
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I don't understand...
But it sounds good...
So...GREAT! -
I really enjoyed this, you seem to have a knack for the type of poetry I like to read. Thanks for writing this one, I really look forward to more from you.
Brent -
Dear Erin,
Your previous poem, "Starscape", took its readers to the heavens and beyond. This present poem, "Sophistry", to myself at least, gives us a reason to actually go to those places, or at least hold them a bit more dearly.
As a piece of literature I would say that this is very nicely written. Your observations are, whether you intended them to be or not, instructions to the laity of observers of the human condition.
I cannot point out any of the devices used to create this great write as did the person above, Mr. Livingstone, I presume, because I simply don't know them. But this is going to reach, and be read by people, if reading it just once, who will wait for the transference of thought, your thought, to their mind.
That is why we write, no?
I don't think you will have that problem with their reading this poem.
It is CLEAR,CONCISE, and CORRECT!
You done good! And don't delete Starscape just yet!!!
John -
Del: this doesn't seem to be one of my better pieces. i'm always intrigued to see which of my poems people take to, and which are just sort of flashed over and forgotten. it's a non-stop learning process, that's for certain.
yes i do tend to wait until someone says something about the structure or lack thereof before offering feedback. i guess i'm hoping someone else will save me the time and provide an analysis for me.
you'll notice that on some of my project poems where you more or less accurately pointed out the prosody of the poem i refrained from expanding on those notes. see, you saved me the trouble in those cases. and it's always nice when someone sees what i'm up to. i also don't like cluttering up the author's comments with a bunch of technical stuff. this is why i wrote the articles, so i could just provide a link to them in the author's comment field when relavent without making a mess of the web page i've posted the poem to.
yes the content is indeed intended to make readers think think think. there is a reason why i included "Hope" as one of the categories that this poem belongs to. the eschatological nature of the most common western and middle eastern religions is very grim, very bleak. in the view of these religions, the world is constantly on the brink of utter annihilation. and when this devestation is done, 99.9999% of humanity goes to burn in everlasting hell while 00.0001% goes to heaven to live in eternally in a circle praising a brutal, jealous, destructive, two-faced god (as depicted in the various holy texts anyway). frankly i don't personally want to go to either place.
if it can be demonstrated through practical clear thinking that the prophecies of the end-times are in fact just a bunch of sophistic sweeping spacial statements that could truly be attributed to any time in history, then it seems to me there is hope that the horrible fate that awaits 100% of humanity (because it will get old standing in a circle praising mr. jealous or having everything you want whenever you want it after a few billion years) may in fact just be the imaginings of ancient delusional men and women. what this would mean, if humanity chose to embrace its own future and its own path, is that we humans truly are responsible for our own future, and there's nothing all that divine about it. this means, whenever we're ready, we can stop these long cycles of self-fulfilling prophecy and actually evolve. so, in my mind, there is hope, but i'm not exactly an idealistic optimist either. it would require a fundemental change in human nature itself, that we go from being a short-sighted race of lemmings to becoming a far-sighted race of proactive intelligent beings.
so there's some of the inspirational weight behind this poem.
Edited on Jul 23, 8:58 p.m. because ''. -
Truly interesting this one is. I'm not familiar with the style, but the content seems fine. Afterall, one does not need to know he drinks from chrystal if it is quality champagne, or even that the cup is plastic, if the lemonade is tart! Be well, and keep it up!
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The form was very interesting
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Very wonderfully written piece. Thought provoking and excellent subject. Your talent show through in this write and I really enjoyed reading it. Great job and thank you for sharing it.
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when have diviners ever granted sway,
allowing humankind some minor space
to pass a single year without a sign?
i suppose some people would say thats why all the others questions are asked....because of the swaying...and then theres me..and i say...interesting. different. am sure i didnt get it..but enjoyed it nonetheless. good job.
Blu -
Hello Erin,
Because of my long-standing respect for your exceptional talent at wordsmithing and my knowledge of your very careful and well-chosen phraseologies, my comments on the technical aspects of this Hybridanelle would be somewhat redundant to prior remarks I have made in that vane on other works you have put forth. Suffice it to say, I see that your introduction of associative antithesis in this piece is well done and just subtle enough that the instances where you have employed this device is not glaringly evident except to the discerning eye.
I find it interesting about you personally, that until someone who is rather obviously clueless makes a ragged comment on one of your posts, you hold off on the details of your rhyme scheming rather than offer it in your author's comments as an up-front and informing commentary. "Trillion" did many of your readers who follow a favor by goading you into the response that did just what I am suggesting here. (Just a thought and not meant to demean.)
As to the content, I am sure you do not expect anyone to come up with any answers and with all the truly qualified philosophers who have come and gone or who remain and continue with their theories, I would not even dare hazzard a guess at any answers. Your piece is deliberately designed to invoke in the readers a reason to pause and reflect and with that as an objective, I would call this a highly successful write and one which I hope is viewed on a grand and international scale.
Sorry it took me a bit to get around to reading and commenting on this one, but as you know, I have been truly busy with my new site.
Kind regards and my best wishes,
Del -
Tril: as for "zero no form"--you might find the end-line schem kind of interesting:
a: war & peace = end-line associative antithesis
b: estate & blight = end-line consonance
cx: stone & sign = end-line frame-rhyme
c1: stone, still, & storm = end-line alliteration (st)
c2: sign, soul, & sway = end-line alliteration (s)
cy: stone, sign, with sought = end-line partial (and whole) alliteration
d: space, place, grace, base, space (in a different sense), & face = end-line rhyme with one occurance of rich rhyme
e: bounty & hunger = end-line associative antithesis
f: wrath & path = end-line rhyme (though all i was going for was consonance)
g: faith & crime = end-line associative antithesis (crime is an act of faithlesness)
h: thoughts & hearts = end-line consonance
also, each line is in iambic pentameter, more or less. i see you noticed the refrains (repeating lines), this is an aspect of the hybridanelle form.
Edited on Jul 23, 8:05 p.m. because ''. -
Tril: ah, yes, keep it coming. i'll do my best.
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Wow, very descriptive and makes you think, a real eye-openener.
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Needs some work
MMMm.... interesting. I like the point, but the poem itself needs work, in my opinion: 1.Zit, zero no form, and 2.It repeats the same phrases throughout the poem. Keep it coming though!
--Trillian =P -
Sadly True!
This is fantastic and so sadly true as the ages and decades go by and still we are never free from either the relentless acts of nature nor the savergry of man.Powerfully expressed! -
Great!
Wow, I loved this. I don't feel that I am exaggerating when I say that your words sing. I really liked it throughout, it was long but the vocabulary was varied and the words you chose really worked very well, I was interested from start to finish, I truly enjoyed reading it.
The message is great, and you paint a very vivid picture, causing the person reading it to really think at the end.
I especially liked your repeated verses:
when have the heavens paused like polished stone,
motionless across the prism of space,
to pass a single year without a sign?
Nice job!
Edited on Jul 22, 9:36 p.m. because ''. -
Damn I just used up my last applause for the day that was a brilliant effort as well as the powerful most valid message to us you have written it so well such strength of form rhyme and rythym really strong imagery a great overall effort. All the best Stella.
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This is a really powerful and well written piece on this timeless topic. These horsemen have indeed been always with us, we look into our own civilisations and cultures to determine whether the havoc they wreak is inspired by mythical/biblical malevolence, or by the greed and lack of compassion of mankind itself.
Superbly written, loved the emphasis of the repeated lines. Very best of luck in the contest, this has to be a strong contender.
PJ
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