Dim shadows
lurk
in a whirl of ice-black water,
drowning the decaying
moonlit misery
before the hollow eyes of
towering skeleton stalks and sick-green leaves.
Screaming silence
strikes
the hour of solitude.
Wading in the liquid filth,
shattering the howl of the whining wind,
eyes cast down,
hunched, crooked neck,
he flounders in despair,
as the faint dream-glimmer
drowns
in the wells of
disillusion
while a cackle of victory echoed from the skies
and pierced his
broken pride.
And did you know that the stars laughed
when his dreams were swallowed alive?
They lure their victim
under their cynically celestial shine
before flinging him into the pits of
desperation.
And it is reality that
murdered
his blooming hopes
before they stained
his tear-riddled wingtips grey.
A revealed chaos
burning before you.
Just as another facet of the swan is shown
Downcast, outlined against the setting sun,
One face with two opposite smiles,
Two parallel straight lines
linked by a perpendicular called
Life.
-outer-twin-
You see the blue sky,
I taste the bitter ground.
And now we are encased in the
same bottle.
Author notes
This was in collaboration with Lady anairO.
She wrote a poem called "Silver Wingtips" which is related to this one.
Her poem comes first. She describes a facet of a swan in a peaceful lake. Her poem suggests hope and stresses that we must believe in our dreams.
My poem is the answer to hers and is much darker. The facet of the swan I describe suggests that he no longer believes in his dreams because of the sad reality he faces. He has lost all hope.
Both facets of the swan are like "one face with two opposite smiles": Hope and Reality which cohabit in Life.
Check out allpoetry.com/Poem/1403740 for Lady anairO's poem 
Written July 21st, 2005
A contest entry
- Great Collaborations by kirbysman.
500 points, ended July 29, 2005, 5 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Thank you so much for the great critique, wbiro!! There arenīt many great comments like this one either, nowadays... I have to admit it was Lady anairOīs idea to refer to mathematics; she helped me with my poem and I with hers... The "-outer-twin-" you can only understand if you read Lady anairOīs poem, where she wrote "-inner-twin-". Iīm glad you liked the images in the end, and I agree that they are strange, but thatīs because I wrote this after Lady anairO wrote hers, and I wanted my write to be the opposite of hers. Theyīre almost the same in structure, but I replaced the words in her poem by their opposites in mine.
Thanks for the idea for the title, I will think about it. I know itīs not the best, but I couldnīt find any better. I left it there for 2 hours, but when I came back I had found nothing better. Thanks for pointing that out. Iīve been thinking but itīs difficult!!!
Anyway, thanks again for the great comment and applause!
Evalinka
Edited on Aug 01, 1:25 p.m. because '
'.
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I should encourage you, you are in good form here! Let's see- nice poetic images, well chosen words, beauty and elegance in the physical structure, and readable and understandable (a quality not to be undervalued!) Now I'll have to go read the poem you collaborated with!
Note on the well-chosen words- on my first reading it was hard to 'accept' a few images and word selections ('hard to accept' happens with anything innovative!), and I was ready to argue my case, but I discovered that on the second reading I found I had accepted them!
Curious? OK!
The first stanza I had a hard time accepting shadows 'lurking in a whirl of water', but when I went back to see how I'd have written it I had accepted yours! (psychology, who understands it?!) Same with the moonlight 'decaying' and being 'miserable', and the 'perpendicular' drove me crazy, I had stuck in my mind a 'perpendicularity', and was about to suggest it when I noticed it's relation to the two parallel lines... and quite a poetic insight there- next time a math professor claims two perpendicular lines are not touching... I was going to say I didn't get -outer-twin- but now I know it could be either metaphorically a person's more positive half of just literally your collaborator! Again, super job, almost seems effortless, but then I know better!
Ah Ha! There is one thing I would change if I were you (and remember I am not you!
! ) I would make the title more descriptive, so when people want to go back to it later but can't remember the title, all they'll remember is that it was about a 'swan', so I would work 'swan' in the title somehow!
Edited on Jul 31, 9:13 because ''. -
Thanks Sonja
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Thank you so much for the great comment, applause and trophy!! Thank you so much!!!!!!
Evalinka
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Thank you so much sis... miss ya too.
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Congratulations for gold!
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Well, congratulations to you too. I see the long discussions over what to write and enter have paid off. Your combination was excellent, well thought out and prepared. You can be very proud of the individual poems and how the two went together. lea and I both had you right at the top. This was so pleasant to read that I read it many times. Congratulations again!
Paul (This is the same comment I left on your sister's poem) -
I have to applaud it is simply stunning, I prefer this than mine, which is probably why you won! Yes! you won! And I won too!!! I am so happy! It was an honour of working with you! We should try again, anyway I swear I LOVE THIS PIECE! Congratz on the GOLD!!! Yes! GOLD! Bravo! I know understand why we are sisters lol!
LOVEYA!!!
Missing you loads have fun in Germany!
Lady anairO
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