The love I hold deep inside, you do not see
All you can ever think of to do is haunt me
Just get what you want and leave me wondering why
Leave me with questions building up until I cry
You criticise me for being emotional, you're so insensitive
You refuse to see how much I care, you enjoy the life you live
If only you could see deep inside my heart, you'd see so much
I'd do anything to keep you with me, be what you want to touch
All I've ever wanted was to be your only one
But I'll never be enough for you, you enjoy all the fun
As much as I long to, I'll never get to your heart
Your cold, ice eyes look upon me as a toy to tear apart
You take pleasure in breaking me and having me come back
And I'm too afraid to leave you, for fear you won't act
So I remain here as your wench, waiting for you to come to me
The tears in my eyes only annoy you, you see what you want to see
I know I should leave and never turn back
Weakness prevails, love keeps me from that
If only you could be mine and I could be yours alone,
but you wouldn't care for my love, you cut me to the bone
I should rinse myself of your touch; clean myself of your kiss
but I know I can't do that, your embrace is too much to miss
Though you show me no love or any compassion in our moments together
I don't wish to be alone; without you, nothing would matter
I can't keep you in my grasp like I so desire
I can't love you this way, though you set me on fire
But I can't rinse myself of your lustful embrace
I won't rinse myself of the scars your lust does lace
Author notes
Inspired by the song Rinse, by Vanessa Carlton.
To view the lyrics, click this link:
www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Rinse-lyrics-Vanessa-Carlton/CD2DD52E856B67314
It is also to do with a character or mine and a character of my lovely friend, Toria. *nods* The male character is hers, the female is mine.
It's horribly long, which I hate...*sigh* But I suck at explaining things in short pieces.
Written July 21st, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- Negative Affairs of the Heart by Sapphy.
500 points, ended August 23, 2005, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Thank you for such an in depth comment.
I must say, I didn't really see anything wrong with that line, but maybe that's just me. Or perhaps I worded it like that to keep the rhyme as perfect as possible. But anyway, thanks again, I'm glad my poem could make you feel what you wanted. Good luck with judging. 
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All Ive ever wanted was to be your only one
You take pleasure in breaking me and having me come back
And Im too afraid to leave you
I know I should leave and never come back
Weakness prevails, love keeps me from that
^ Favorite lines.
Ah, this poem shows such sadness! Unrequited love can be so killer and painful, I know.
As for length, I, too, feel that it is easier to express oneself in poems more lengthy, though there are some who can do it in but a few lines...This sentence has too many commas. Ah, well.
There is one grammatical error that I noticed in your poem(though who am I to talk of grammatical errors).
This line, "All Ive ever wanted was to be your only one" should be either, "All Ive ever wanted is to be your only one" or "All I ever wanted was to be your only one". The line as it is is incorrect because the verbal tenses make it...something. At least, I think so.
Anyway, very good job. I have but a handful of entries in this contest that have actually been able to make me feel even a little sad and you are one of them, so very good job, I say again.
Good luck in my contest and thanks for entering!
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Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I didn't see where it started out uncomfortably, but we all have our differences. Good luck with judging.
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The length is perfect... really. I don't really know what to say after reading this, though. I like it a lot, and I love the descriptions. At first, it seemed uncomfortable (the poem itself... like the wording..or flow. I'm not exactly sure, eheh), but you brought it together to a wonderful close. Nice job
Good luck in the contest
-mercé -
Maybe, maybe not...Thank you for your comment.
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Somehow, although not a bad write, I feel this piece doesn't fit the category, then again, to some, it just might.
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Woo. This was a good poem. Not too long at all. I'm finally remembering that your recent poems are based on them now. Yey for me. The description and relevance to the song are good. Oh, and this comment sucks. Sorry.
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Your are like me... I always seem to be able to write songs based on lyrics too! Lol This was beautifully written honey
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OK...Well, I suppose that's fair.
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I'm sorry thats why I ended early because of too many entres. Please forgive me.
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I fell in love with the song. *nods* I had to write about it, since that song explains EXACTLY how Rose will feel.
Thanks for commenting.
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Aahah! Sharazon is famous again! Hmm... Yessssss.. This is really good, though, babes. >
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Ohhh my gosh this is beautiful!! The pain and somewhat hopelessness of not being able to leave are conveyed beautifully and *pant pant*...well, I suck at critiques so I'll just leave it at this was great!
-me -
When I look it over, I realize that it does relate to you somewhat. I'm glad you love it so much. I do like it, I just hate how long it is. Thank you for your comment.
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"Though you show me no love or any compassion in our moments together
I don't wish to be alone; without you, nothing would matter"
The butterfly cries out. And i love this poem with every fibre of my being. I can't exactly completely relate to it, but i can enough for it to touch my soul.
~BloodyFeathers
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