Scattered fragments fall in wisps
from aged and weathered fingertips.
His calloused digits hold a pen
they’ve clasped before, time and again.
His mind, once sharp, now seems so dull.
Though mem’ries come, there’s still a lull,
a gentle fog to ease the pain
that wrinkled brow beneath its strain.
The years have flown, but not been kind;
they’ve left their mark on health and mind,
and with the passing of each day
he feels her mem’ry slip away.
He struggles now with bits of rhyme,
his last attempt to stall the time,
to grasp one glimpse of yesterday
before death steals it all away.
The aged and weary poet writes
of love once young and star filled nights,
of how love found, then nurtured grew,
and of a life, once, shared by two.
He writes of children, born, now grown,
who moved away to find their own.
He pens the tale of all those years,
the tapestry of joy and tears.
And as he writes the minutes fly.
Sometimes he smiles, sometimes he sighs.
Each page, each word becomes a part
of all that ever touched his heart.
The hours pass. The daylight wanes,
until one story, yet, remains
and though he’s tired, drained, and pale
he must record this one last tale.
Alas once more, aged fingers clasp
his pen; his key, to open hasp
that seals the chambers of his mind.
He struggles, searches, just to find
the words to pen his ancient pain
that nearly drove this man insane.
And then he writes of death and grief,
of hurt that never finds relief.
His shoulders quake. The teardrops fall
to smear the ink that tells it all.
He pictures mound with etched tombstone
where many days he’s spent alone
replacing flowers on the grave
of faithful wife he couldn’t save.
Each tear, each heartache, put to words
that wrinkled hand slowly records.
When done, the poet, void and dry,
puts down his pen and starts to cry.
He lays his tale, his epitaph,
beside her faded photograph.
Copyright Ruth Kephart
Author notes
Written July 20th, 2005
A contest entry
- Critiquers by invitation : close & workshopping by Lyndon.
600 points, ended January 21, 2006, 5 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - TEN THOUSAND POINTS OF RHYME (Now 20,000+) Part 8 Sad/Nostalgia by cricketjeff.
1500 points, ended January 24, 2008, 51 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 95 of 95
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What a lovely poem. Everyone here is of course likely to fall for a poem about a poet and we are no exceptions. That aside this poem has everything we could have wished for. Pathos, rhyme flow and structure, would have willingly given this gold!
Thank-you very much for your continued support in the series. When we started running these it was hard to find rhymers on AP who would admit their guilty secrets, now many of the best "Free-Versers" are entering!
On a more personal level I know that this series has improved my own poetry enormously and that Sue feels the same. We have also met a great many poets we did not know existed several of whom I now class as friends. Thank-you very much for this entry.
Jeff and Sue
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Nice job! Fantastic!
Spot on rhyme, rhythm, but then, you know that!
I couldn't stop reading, and that my friend, shows you how well you poem flowed.
Good luck in the contest!
Monique
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Loved this at first time of reading and the passing of time has not altered my mind in the beauty of your words.All the very best my dear friend in this contest
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A true storyteller in poetic form taking caring hearts on a journey through the eyes of an aged poet.
A magnificent piece of work. Thank you for the opportunity to read.
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What a wonderfully crafted poem. Excellent use of meter and rhyme. Fantastic descriptions. Packed with emotion. This poem has it all! I loved it!
Your opening lines really set the stage well. I enjoyed the way the story unfolded and kept me hooked right up to the end. I enjoyed this very much.
I'll have to check out more of your poems when I get the chance. If they are half as well crafted as this one then they are definitely worth a read.
Pen on!
Lee Stone -
Dear Ruth,
I do not know if your poetry will be around after you're gone. I hope so! But truly feel that this poem will play a pivotal part in that.
It is so touching, not to mention well written, that generations, for generations, will long to see this beautiful piece of English writing.
I've read this three times and do not tire of it!
John
Edited on Jan 24, 7:53 p.m. because 'sp'. -
Congratulations on your trophy, Ruth. This is a beautiful poem and I knew right from the beginning that it will be amongst the winners! Best wishes ~
Nicolette
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Oh, that is lovely! The rhyme is flawless, the story so exquisitely sorrowful, and the meter easy to read. I really love it!
~Amanda -
Just popping in again to read this beautiful story of a life. I still love the gentle impact of this poem and I think it is perfect as it is. Thank you for sharing and best wishes!
~ Nicolette
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mistic...I understand now what you'd like to see with this piece, but this poem is far from a free form poem since it has a definate rhyme and meter scheme. It seems I revert back to structure with a lot of my poems. I do write about 25 % free verse, but seem to prefer the structered meter for this type of story poem
Thanks for reading and thanks for your insight
Ruth -
Jim
thanks for the reply. I do believe that you replied to this poem quite some time ago ( not in this contest ) and said you got the impression of a country doctor when reading this who was not able to save his wife.
As for the suggestion about the word 'settled', note taken, and I decided to replace the words 'settled out' to 'moved away' I think that replaces that little oddity that you noted well without disrupting the flow of the piece.
Thanks
Ruth -
mistic...thank you for reading and for your comment, I'm not exactly sure what you mean though. Could you explain a bit more for me?
Thanks
Ruth -
I truly like this write. the only thing I could find and this is just my personal opinion, I like to see each paragraph,(sentence) seems more like a story this way seperated, after the full stop.
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I could swear I've already commented on this, but I don't see a comment. Anyway, this is a very good poem, but this line seems odd to me:
who settled out to find their own. (I'd say started, not settled)
For some reason I thought this was about a country doctor, and it seems very familiar.
Anyway, good job, all in all. -
Brilliant!
How can I critique this? PERFECT.
sniff sniff Okay Okay. Okay. Ready now..... sniff, sniff.
These lines MADE the emotion simply bloom in this piece:
"a gentle fog to ease the pain
that wrinkled brow beneath its strain."
This line brings that human element of this verse even closer. It moves one to touch their own brow for wrinkles beneath the strain.
"His shoulders quake. The teardrops fall
to smear the ink that tells it all."
Here we have actual physical movement portrayed. It brings the reader to his/her knees. Simple words and simple physical movement bring the verse to the human element the reader so relates to. No fancy words are needed to describe what happened here. Anyone who reads this KNOWS.
Ruth, it is just excellent. ~Pam
Edited on Jan 11, 5:28 because 'These dreaded typos ~
'.
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ouch...I hope you don't think I didn't like the poem, I loved it.
I'm just rather ignorant about poetry lol. Syllable counts I understand, still trying to get my head round meters tho. Good luck.
Peace & love to ya 
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Di...I'm so sorry, I thought I had replied to your comment and saw I neglected to do so. Thanks so much for reading and your lovely comment
Ruth -
moonling...thanks so much for your comment. Mem'ries and mem'ry were both done as so not to disrupt the meter or syllable count in those lines. What can I say, I try to be a perfectionist when it comes to that in my work...sometimes not a good thing
Ruth -
Zayra...Thanks for taking the time to make some great suggestions to my piece. I find by removing the 'the' on the first line, the rhythm is not disturbed in the least as is with replacing the second 'the' with a . As for removing the 'now' in line 5, I find that by doing so I disturb the rhytm I've tried so hard to amintain through this lengthy piece. If you'll note my comment to another above, I feel the 'that' needs to remain in the final line as this poet, this man, has been aged not only by time but also by the pain that he has endured. The pain isn't due to the wrinkled brow but rather the wrinkled brow is in effect a result of the pain itself...hence I feel the that needs to be left or, if not left, replaced with another word that brings that statement across.
Thank you for your comments and I'll make the appropriate changes
Ruth
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Like the flow. Like the rhyme. I have to say the only thing I tripped on and found distracting was " Mem'ries " and " mem'ry ", but as no one else has mentioned it...must just be me lol. Nice poem.
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This poem is unique and interesting. I have read it through a few times. I was told never to start a poem with a word like "the." It might be stronger if words like "and" or "the" were replaced or rearranged. For example remove the first "the" and "now" replace the others with 'a' and 'of.' It is just an opinion but experimenting throughout the poem with this might lighten it up for an even smoother read.
(the)scattered fragments fall in wisps
from aged and weathered fingertips.
His calloused digits hold (a) pen
they’ve clasped before, time and again.
His mind, once sharp, (now) seems so dull.
Though Mem’ries come, there’s still a lull,
a gentle fog to ease the pain
(of) wrinkled brow beneath its strain.
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I am not very fond of rhyming poetry, but I do ADMIRE it when someone can rhyme with such ease and such flow as you do, Ruth. This is a beautiful poem and coming in at this "late stage" of the competition, there is not much I can add - truly! As you've stated above, this poem is understanble without falling into cliches - its rhythm and emotional impact takes the reader along, making her part of this portrait of a life and love. To me this poem's quality indeed lies in the way readers can identify with it...it speaks straight to the heart...and from the heart comes the passion for this thing called poetry!
~ Nicolette
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rannlit...Thank you for taking the time to review my piece and making some interesting suggestions. I do think I will leave the first stanza as it currently reads as I'm trying to make a statement that the poet was aged early because of the pain he endured in his life...to ease the pain that wrinkled brow beneath its strain...to me those words just express exactly what I want to say and I've read it alloud numerous times and find no fault in that particular wording.
I certainly see where you are coming from on your other suggestion and will try to come up with something else to replace the 'though' in that line. Do you think the word 'but' put in its place would make that line read better?
Thanks once more
Ruth -
myrattal...thank you for your lovely critique on this piece. I don't profess to be a wonderful poet nor am I versed on the aspects of poetry. I've no formal education in any type of literature. I sincerly appreciate it when people take the time to review my poem and make suggestions on how to better my work. I will take your suggestion to heart and work on making my poetry more fresh and interesting without compromising what I long to provide in my writing: poetry that is accessable and understandable to the common man.
Thank you once more,
Ruth -
Oh, I love this. The words are already so tightly knit. The inspiration of the piece and the story and the ending...everything has been well crafted.
* This line: "that wrinkled brow beneath its strain" confuses the flow of your first stanza, as I read it.
* This line: "The years have flown, though not been kind;" contains a superfluous 'though.' I don't understand how the fact that the years fly means they must have been kind. Perhaps another one-syllable conjunction here would work better?
Your ending strikes me as sheer mastery of what you wanted to say. Well done.
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Well... just passing by again... only to confirm that a poem like this can't be change and made better with that, since it belongs already to the top...
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Seamless write
Dearest Ruth
A wonderful narrative of life itself -- and in this sense we all become poets, writing our life story, experiencing loss of beloveds, watching the ebb and flow of life.
I loved the seamless rhyme, the flawless flow, the stanzas unfolding as snap-shots of a life, until the echo of the title in the exit line: the faded photograph of her, of him -- of an entire universe ...
To write about the binary aspects without becoming clichéd, is sometimes difficult. Poems fall into different categories, but THREE aspect are of cardinal importance:
One -- do you succeed in taking your reader to his own conclusion and application, that is can he relate; and
Two: do you succeed in letting something stay behind ... letting something linger in the mind ... the soul?
Three: did you use some new imagery? Something to challenge the reader? Some intellectual resistance of a kind, making your work interesting and fresh?
Suggestion: you may want to experiment in the third aspect. The first two are just PERFECT.
General impression: excellent poetry.
Well done.
Love
Myra
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Hi Ruth. I wanted to tell you that I think you give excellent comments and critiques. Everywhere in this contest that I have read your comments, I have been impressed and would see much of the same ideas myself. I really appreciate having been introduced to you, your poetry, and your gentle critiquing skills during this contest. Unfortunately, because of time constraints, I have to withdraw. I will continue to work on my poem taking into consideration many of yours and others' conmments. So now Lyndon can take over. LOL Thanks so much for the help, humor, and love across the pages and miles. Peace--Pome
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Hi again went over it again and still cannot find anything I would change not even a comma ,lol, damn it I tried to find something,lol, hugs Di
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Excellent flow... a wonderful narration
Your portrait in words here is wonderfully orchestrated the flow is an embelishment each stanza flows to the next and throughout. The words create a poignant picture of the winter in life. It is very difficult to write a long piece which can captivate or master a short piece which is memorable and here you have written a flowing piece which is long and captivating. I truly enjoyed this read. The narration quality seems to exclude the poignant personal emotion which as the narrator you have acheived this by second hand sight/insight. I as a reader can not find anything wrong with this piece. But, then I like to read and find what is the beauty in something so finding flaws I often leave to others. -
RuthKephart: I enjoyed your poem immensely and am glad if any of my comments helped you. I totally understand your desire to keep your meter intact...I gave a presentation once on meter in poetry, and in giving that, taught myself just how important it can be to any poem. I am also taking the class here at allpoetry.com with Claide about meter...never enough meter mastering...lol.
The problem I am having right now is a time issue.. and I do hope that my comments did not seem harsh since I did write some of my critiques in quite a hurry. I am wondering if I should not have just passed on this contest for when I did have more time. If my comments helped you, however, that makes me feel somewhat better. I had no intention of being or even seeming harsh in my critque(s). So thank you for acknowledging the time factor in making critiques... thank you for your time too and for sharing so richly here. -Pome -
Pome,
Thank you for the wonderful critique of this piece and you'll note I took several of your suggestions and edited my piece to reflect them. I took all your comments carefully into account and where changes were not made became mearly a matter of poetic preference for me. To place the word is in the sentence his pen, his key would throw the meter I've worked so hard to obtain throughout this piece but after much rehashing, the notion of the semi colon to impact the statement that his pen was truly his key is growing on me and I think I'll go back to make that appropriate change. Once more, thank you for your indeepth comments and taking the time to make those suggestions
Ruth -
oopsie
Well, it is indeed
let's hit it with a whip 
lol, okey, back to normal now
Glad you cleared that one out for me... so yay you got all your points for rhyming
Be proud Ruth, cause you're amongst the very rare ones that actually can rhyme this perfectly
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Thanks for your wonderful comment on my poem The Faded Photograph words and records do rhyme however if records is pronounced (re-cords) as in the making note of something rather than (records) as in phonographs or files Ain't the English language a grand and confusing thing
Ruth -
Hi Ruth, great write, perfect meter, great rhyme, beautiful write I cannot fault it at all, not one word, not one phrase, wonderful, all the best in the comp,Di
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There is a lot of emotions embedded throughout the lines of this poem, that has an almost perfect rhymescheme (I'd give it a 99% ) and a wonderful beat to it...
I'm not sure (I might pronounce it the wrong way myself) but as I know it, words and records don't 'rhyme' to each other... and if I am wrong, then I give you 100% for your rhymes
truly a wonderful tale you've expressed here Ruth
Leander -
This is excellent. I read it aloud to myself and it flowed so well and was so moving. Thanks for sharing your talent. -Pome Since we are to give specific comments, I will address myself to punctuation, since I really don't see much needed in this poem.
I would like to see commas in a few places for my personal taste only and you can decide if it works for you. I would comma after 'mind' in the second stanza. In the fourth stanza I would take the commas away from 'yet' and put one after 'remains'. In the fifth stanza I might replace the comma between 'his pen' and 'his key' with the word 'is' or else use a semi-colon instead. The comma there does not, to me, give enough hesitation to indicate definition of pen. Finally in the last stanza I would put a comma after 'when done'. I would put a period after 'puts down his pen' and capitalize 'then' or else reword the last sentence without the 'then' but using 'He' instead. I hope these comments are taken in the spirit of the contest because this is a lovely poem and I make comments here in personal taste, not meaning at all to detract from your writing. Thanks again for sharing. -Pome
Edited on Jan 05, 11:38 because 'added additional comments'. -
What a fantastic story you have written here for us to enjoy. At least I enjoyed every word of it. When I was at the end I read the first stanza once again and everything fell in its place. The rhyme was perfect and so was the flow. My compliments Ruth. Very well done. Anna.
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Sooooo Breathtaking!!!!!
Ruth, My tears are flowing freely just as this masterpiece did that I just read. The words are all blurry now from the tears in my eyes. LOL OMG, such beauty and sadness that I just witnessed here. To tell a tale of a love so deep as one half sits broken hearted over the death of his dearly departed wife.
Your words produced very vivid imagery and this is flawless in my eyes. I wouldn't change one word. I'm overwhelmed by the beauty of this astounding write that you have shared with all of us. You dear lady are a very gifted writer and I am humbled by this. I have read many of the writes in this contest thus far and I feel that I am in some very elite company here. I don't even think I deserve to be challenging any of the writes I have seen. I have only been writing for a little over 5 months now and I am in awe of all the talent that I see here at All Poetry. I can't even explain how deeply this work touched my heart. It is just like WOW!!!!! Thank you for sharing such beauty and elegance with all of us and best wishes in the contest. I know Lyndon asked that we hold back the applause, but I don't want to forget and I've already applauded others before the request was made. I will leave you with a standing ovation and bow humbly as I applaud you for your gift you share. Love and blessings for you, today and always. 
Joyce
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oh Ruth- this is absolutely lovely- i had to open because of the title- I knew i wouldn't be disappointed... The story, the telling, the picture- perfect.
m -
Wow this is by far one of the best poem i have ever read...good job on the wonderful rhyming pattern..i am especially parshall to the ' replacing sylables..like shakspear did...only thing is i think the word digits doesnt really fit the smoothness of your poem...just my opinion...good job and thankyou for sharing it
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OMG! this is amazing, truly. created such a beyond clear picture, you are truly gifted. hope your day was wonderful too
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I just want to say thank you for penning this beauty of a poem for all of us out here to read this is pure poetry and love in each and every line,just wow .
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excellent
Brilliant poem.A story told with such honesty .Sad but all will be together in the end. Thank you for writing and sharing . -
awww..this sure is a heartfelt piece...sad, but he will join his wife. I loved this story you penned in poetry...enjoyed this!
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My..my.. this is awesome !! Great flow and an excellent choice of words.. Keep t up and keep writing more.. i like ur style
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And the Memories may fade but never disappear
And age can be so cruel and yet so real,strong intensity hope and feel.Memories of a time gone by,some make us laugh and others cry.The Poet writes his feelings and the relief flows through the windows of his soul but heart stops when the memory of his wife once again touches his cold life and the tears roll down.Amazing imagery of growing old but wise losing the memory but mot the love,a splendid tribute to a life full of emotion and events.The pen still records each blessed moment.A miniture diary.Very clever and oh so real. -
This is a teaer jerker that hit the mark! Wonderful write, so poignant, sad and filled with so much emotion. Loved this!
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Good grief. This is a simply stunning poem. One of the very best I've ever read on here. The rhyming is beautiful and the story so very sad. It's not often I find myself getting tearful after reading a poem, but I found myself holding back tears half-way through this one! Your words and the way you've put yourself in this man's shoes really cried out his anguish and sorrow and helplessness.
The last stanza was the ultimate conclusion to a wonderful write. WELL DONE!
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How very tender and beautiful. Your rhyming does not miss a beat and the story goes straight to the heart. My best wishes in this contest,
Reenie
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Ruth,
what wonderful structure and rhyme to such a poignant and telling piece. If only all poems worked this well. bravo -
This was well worth another read...makes at least a dozen now.
Excellent work sweetie. Best wishes in the contest.
Sam
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Can I say about this anything that I have not told you about your writing before? Beautiful from first word to last, exquisite rhythm and rhyme,the topic material moving with your use of imagery. Great job. Best wishes and s.. ~genielassie~
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I believe I might have read this before , but that does not make it any less gripping this time around. I wish you the best in this contest,
Reenie
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Beautiful and Haunting
A stunning tale of one life`s sorrow and painful memories. I enjoyed this poem immensely. There are some parts familiar to me on a very personal basis. A beautiful, yet haunting write Ruth. -
Ruth, I missed this the first time around, it's wonderful to be reading you again, I've been gone so long, it's great to be home.
Excellent rhyme and meter and the story within touches the heart with his sorrow. Wonderful work as always my friend!
All the best in the contest! blessings, Sandi
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You have an incredible gift. Word seems to drip as easily from your pen as droplets from a melting icicle. Steady...rythmic...perfect.
The story within this poem is one we've all heard before, but the way you tell it captures the reader, drawing one in, making one feel like he's sitting right there, watching as tears fall from this man's face while he writes.
It's beautiful. Thank you. -
Beautiful
Wow..
I am always blown away by your words, they are so touching and always 'bout bring me to tears. Emotions are captured so well, every little bit of this mans pain and joy is caught in this tale of a poem. I can't believe how my heart sank to read about his wife, that part touched me so. You are an amazing writter, I know I say that all the time when I comment on your work.. but you really are. I think out of everyone, you are one of the most infulential poets to me. I am so glad I get to read your work.
I love it all so much, how it all flows in my mind and makes everything so so much better, relaxed as I read.. this heartfelt tale of this poor mans life.
I love it! -
awesome write....
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Thank you Ruth. You need to enter all of the poems of yours named in this contest Thank you
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Absolutely lovely write, nice work. -Al
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This paints a picture with great images and goes far beyond the image of the faded photograph and in my opinion beyondd the obvios narrative, it goes much deeper. You have created a well structured poem which flows so naturally - like the flow of a life - well done.
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'A Faded Photograph'-this says so much - a promise down memory lane with taste - what I didnt expect was such perfection in all spheres- imagery- language- flow-emotions- it all held the reader in it's own wake-this is one of those writes which gets the reader's emotions to move with it's-one cant help feeling touched by it-a most brilliantly written write whose tempo not once slacked
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mmmmmmm.... recording one's life, and reliving the loss of that person most special in all the world. It's a difficult thing. You've done a good job capturing the emotion and heartache that stays with one forever.
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great
just brillant i love it you are an awesome poet, the first stanza is just brillant
The scattered fragments fall in wisps
from aged and weathered fingertips.
His calloused digits hold the pen
they’ve clasped before, time and again.
His mind, once sharp, now seems so dull.
Though Mem’ries come, there’s still a lull,
a gentle fog to ease the pain
that wrinkled brow beneath its strain.
just brillant i love it and same with the last stanza
just awesome, great talent you have keep it up
+wellsy+
+purity+ -
A very emotional poem. I absolutely love the images this brings to mind... the old man sitting by a dim light... remembering, struggling to hold the pen in aching hands... those same aching hands wiping tears from weathered cheeks... And I do so love rhyming poems, and yours is very well done. Good luck.
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Exceptional. The rhyme, flow, story, everything is great. Second last stanza would be my favorite if I picked one. The poem the man inside this poem writes sounds like it would be a great thing to read too. Excellant write and good luck in the contest!
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ruth this is a nice write with a good flow to it the rhyme is solid all the way through good luck in the contest
love and light
blaze -
This was absolutely amazing... I've always loved poetry told about a photo... beautiful work I must say. Glad I stopped in. *Sonya*
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fantastic!
your words struck a chord. i think all wannabe writers can relate to the sentiments of the old man in your piece. we share the same complusion to write, to put down for posterity, to defeat hazy memories. i liked it how he had to struggle and find it deep down within himself to muse because writing from the heart isn't as easy as non-poets smugly dismiss. and what a great topic he had in mind too. this was excellent through and through. you are already a winner in my eyes. -
Oh this was simply wonderful. A narrative poem that leaves details of the story to the readers' imagination. A sad, poignant picture painted in subtle hues that only a true artist could conjure from a magical imagination. I can only applaud a truly great poem.
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This is so vivid and detailed that I think you must have someone in mind when you pen it. It is beautifully expressed, and so accurate in its portrayal of the pain of being widowed.
As I read the parts about him penning the stories of his life, I couldn't help but think how much I'd like to read them, or how much I'd like to sit with him and hear those stories told. I love the stories that are passed down to us from those such as the man described here.
This is a beautifully expressed, but powerful emotional piece. Great write. -
Funny, I thought I had commented on this. Must have been the night I had storms and you were the only I was reading and could not remember when the power came back on LOL Very well written piece, the imagery and form is outstanding. Brings back memories for me. Blessings, Gypsy
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Your rhyme is an inspiration your words mesh smooth as the gears on the finest Swiss watch when the world runs out of superlatives the dictionary will simple add your name
Paul
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amazing
omg. this is so amazing. i cant even tell you. very very well written! cant even xplain it to you! loved it! great write! wonderful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 -
This is beautiful Ruth a shear pleasure to read I love the story of the aged poet and the wanderings of his mind. Unlocking once forgotten memories bringing them back to life as they lived in their day!~! I think this poem is wonderful and could not possibly be improved upon. Good luck in the contest hun Cindy
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lovely as ever, your words seem to bounce off the tongue because of the strict meter but it adds to the tone, making it seem light even though the content isn't. you make rhyme seem so easy!
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Just wonderful. There are no other words to convey my pleasure in reading this poem you have written. You set a very high standard by which we can only hope to someday measure. Jim
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Very good.. i might never call this long.. it has got the substance within.. Good luck in the contest.. a lovely write from u
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Dear Ruth will I ever produce a title with which you will fail as a poet to surpass the previous one, Once again you held the reader spell bound with you wonderfully woven tale.You have sat on my list of favourites from the start,i can well see now how intelligent I was to have the foresight to place you there.A riveting read,An example of what a rhyming poet should be aiming for Excellent in every way.
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Aww that's soooooooo sad!! But beautiful. The rhyming and flow were absolutely flawless. I like how this is about a poet who is writing something and, though we know he is sad, we don't really know what he is writing about until the very end. Bravo!
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"The topic is to die for", upon thinking, was a bad choice of words. Perdon! John
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This is my Kodak moment for the evening !!
I would like to see you re-write this without the constraints of a contest goading you on.
I like the rhyme scheme, and the topic is to die for. The progression of the narrative is sublime!
"Nurse heal thyself"!
I say this with much love, for a poem which I loved reading.
My only regret is that I have but one applause to give to you and this fine piece of writing.
John- Las Vegas
PS> Remember I asked you if you charged to be on your favorites list?LOL I hope I haven't slipped a rung. -
You have left me completely speechless...you wrote this beautifully and I am just stunned at what I just read...absolutely amazing... I love the wording and the format. All fall perfect together...great write,
for being speechless I am doing quite a lot of rambling, Im sorry!!!! Amazing write KIKI
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Wow this is amazing!!! It really hits home right now. My Grandfather died two weeks ago and since I have heard so many stories from my Grandma. Keep writing, this was great!!!
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excellent
I just love this Ruth. How true these words are. How sad age is for some. How sad also to be old and alone.
Good Luck in the contest.
Hugs
Jan -
Oh Ruth, you are amazing. This is another masterpiece. I mean...your words held me captive...wanting more with each line. This is absolutely fantastic. Best of wishes in the contest!!!!
Sam
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critical
wow, I am more amazed with each poem you write, each one touches me a great deal, in its own special way. This was beautiful, so full of sadness and such a yearning from this man. -
I have to say that this write completely blew me away. The emotional structure and the vivid imagery you placed within your words was exquisite. The story that this told, of an older man writing about his life, and his wife was so perfect. The way you let the reader feel his pain through your words and feel the tears fall down their face as does the man was simply amazing. I hope to read more from you soon, and I wish you the best of luck in the contest. If you don't mind I would like to bookmark this piece? Keep writing, -Heather
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I yearn to touch the poet...he seems to be someone whose hair you want to stroke and sing to.
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Superior!
Everything about this piece is exceptional.
told with perfect meter, stunning imagery and heart-wrenching emotion. Brava! -
excellent
Just a brilliant poem .I feel so much but cab say so little. Exxellent peom with a concept that is important......Thank you -
Nice job on this one. It reminds me of a country doctor back in the 1800's whose wife died of a wasting disease, and he couldn't save her.
My, I'm fanciful tonight, eh? -
Beautiful, marvelous! I loved every word and the flow, the emotion displayed especially got to me. Great piece of art and a piece of the soul. Keep on writing.
Blessed be,
Lefay
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