I once called you my sunshine
in a world prone to illusions and shadows.
It stayed true for awhile.
I didn't even notice when it began to change.
Maybe it was you, maybe it was me,
but somehow we lost our sunshine.
The ease between us
started growing thick with tension.
I can't say how it started, or when,
but our laughter became a stifled murmur.
The light dimmed,
making us shadows like everyone else.
But then you let your secret out
and I solved a part of this riddle.
I won't say I'm not angry
or that I'm not hurting.
You made me believe
I would have your light forever
Despite that it was at its lowest,
one faint glow from darkness.
I wanted you to always shine for me,
even when I knew you'd leave.
It seemed that I could only become darker
as I realized it couldn't be.
You were never meant to shine just for me,
I know this truth even as I shy from it.
Just know that I love you,
no matter where you are.
Remember that I believe in you
and expect you to always try
Not for me or anyone else,
but for you...
I won't hold onto my shadows
because I can see that yours have begun to fade.
Author notes
This is for KK, my big sis. Things were getting very tense between us and I just recently realized that it was because she wasn't happy here. She's going to move back to Arkansas at the end of the summer. I'll miss her, but I know that she needs to leave. So, KK, darlin'...this is for you. I love you, always, and I wish you the best of luck.
PS. I'll kick your arse if you don't keep in touch. 
Written July 20th, 2005
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Hey, you're back!!
Lol, been awhile but you haven't lost your touch of always giving me the most flattering comment. And as usual, I very much appreciate it. Now that I look at it that way, your words are true. Thanks so much. Glad to have you back. -Amanda
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i've read your last few poems, it feels like reading a family saga in poetry form, each poem another chapter - sad, contemplative, melancholic... and the public (commentors) participating in the show, quite thrilling actually. your expression still owns the same crisp clarity as always.
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Lol, she did. She's actually my sister. Thanks for the comment. Much appreciated. -Amanda
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Awwww...I hope you don't lose touch of your friend. I'm sorry it's ended this way...
Good luck in the future, take care of yourself. A beautiful poem, I am sure that your friend would have appreciated this poem.
xxx
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Lol, no, it isn't a Kayla thing, which is why I'm touched and will hold you to your promise. I love you, babe.
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*Le sniffle* AMANDA! I resent the fact that you think I wouldn't keep in touch. I shall have to call at least once every two weeks...and e-mail all the time.
This poem was so sweet. I love you, babe. And I'm glad you love me enough to want to kick my arse for the assumed threat of not keeping in touch. Now, I think I need to move to the next poem before my eyes tear up. Crying ishn't a very Kayla thing to do, mmkay? Mad love, Edvuhd.
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Lol, yeah, we will. This does hold true for you, too. We both love her so much and are...*sniffle*...going to miss her. Now, I love you but you'll have to excuse me while I go cry... -Amanda
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Yeah, It seems that me and KK have grown apart too, but then it just seems that becasue i havent been able to talk to her as much as i use to , i mean your her sister, and that just makes it sadd, but im timmy >.< dosnt that make some kind of standing , lol , and that PS goes for me too, if you dont keep in touch KK we're gunna hunt you down and kid-nap you, watch your back
, much love
~Timbo
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