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Stagnant Runs the River Self

 


Stagnant runs the river Self
mustering dirty froth of doubt
away from lights, a drifter retires

confusion wandering about.


 

His desperate wife searches near
the sweet breath in his hollow shell
self-blame trails her footsteps there
in madness she embraces hell.


 

They were together once, inspired

harmonic movements, motion, flow
pleasing senses, agreeable
love expressed in perfumed glow.


 

Lonely, deserted, irrational
longing draws her blindly on

tumbling, conceding battle 

adrift from menial job to job.


 

Their paths cross in a midtown diner...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Original:

Stagnant runs the river Self
mustering dirty froth of doubt
away from the lights a drifter retires
in forlorn confusion wandering about.


 

His forlorn wife searches near
a sweet breath in his hollowed shell
ballistic self-blame trails her footsteps
in significant madness she embraced the hell.


 

They were together once, inspired, exited,
meaningful movements in motion and flow
pleasing to the senses, agreeable, gracious,
lovingly expressed in a perfumed glow.


 

Now sad and lonely, deserted, irrational
anger pushes her aimlessly on
or falling back, retreating from battle
withdrawn and drifting from job to job.


 

They meet in a diner.


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

A little story based on ten key words and their definitions... with a hanging ending, leaving the reader to dwell on the final scene...
Written July 17th, 2005

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • wbiro gold member
    September 27, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for the critique, Mike, it got me to go back and smooth it out in a place or two!


  • Mephitic ID Synergy gold member
    September 27, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Very dark. I enjoyed it. Superb title. I liked the oxy moron 'stagnant runs'. That they are both forlorn gives me a little hope that they may once again find happiness in one another. Of course, I know things don't always work that way.

    Mike

  • buffytheparrotslaye
    July 19, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Wont tell till I know more!

    This is so intriguing and I will not be able to sleep tonight wondering exactly what is going on! Please make a conclusion,cant stand confusion or is the whole pice an illusion of your dellusion! Either way I am a woman and I demand to know!Great write!


  • Touchof1der silver member
    July 18, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This is pretty interesting. Hmmm... you certainly left a lot of wide open space for readers to draw their own conclusions. You do know this has my thoughts working doubletime because all stories have to have an ending. I'm a woman... we demand closure dammit!!! Breathes deeply. Okay! I feel better now. I like the openending. Very clever Wayne.
    ♥ Kimberly


  • B2oH
    July 18, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Interesting...one can draw a tragedy from this....or a victory drawn from the ashes....

  • saddie23
    July 18, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This is beauty with a touch of mystery is there going to be a sequeal? I love this type of writing. Good luck in the contest even though you don't need it. Saddie23

  • pozo
    July 18, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Great write Keep writing, this was a beautiful poem which I liked a lot I liked the alliteration and the way you showed the passage of time, especially the ending
    All the best,
    Pozo


  • stormigrl
    July 18, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Very Tasty!!

    This was a very Sweet write!! Now I must go and tantalize my taste buds with something. LOL. Thanks for joining in this contest and This was a very great write. Thanks and Good Luck in the contest.
    Marianne~aka stormigrl

1 - 8 of 8