A supernova, auroral and appealing
Tenderness, a poetic heart, affinity and feeling,
Her eyes are like the sun.
Illumination jubilation,
Loneliness, pain and hurt concealed,
Every time you serenade her, a tepid twinkle revealed,
Her eyes are like the sun,
Naughtiness, seduction, alluringly intoxicative fun,
A spell is cast,
Her eyes are like the sun,
Hypnotic, pellucid, translucent, inside each a luminescent pearl,
In friendship and in love, their warmth forever shining upon your world,
Her eyes are like the sun,
Rejuvenating, exhilarating,
A crystal encapsulated in every one,
If you want to behold forever take a look,
Her eyes are like the sun,
And once you’ve witnessed their effervescent light,
You’ll never ever come undone,
Because bright, incandescent, perpetually soothing,
Her eyes are like the sun
Author notes
~For Megan~
Written July 15th, 2005
A contest entry
- be my valentine 2 by honey bear.
450 points, ended February 7, 2007, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - E-Heart by x Gemini x.
600 points, ended February 10, 2007, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~Love Me Tender~ by -Ink Artist-.
525 points, ended February 16, 2007, 40 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - rite me a poem for the one u luv by a means to an end.
385 points, ended February 15, 2007, 51 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 30 of 30
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this is so sweet. i think this is the second time i've seen a guy express his true feelings for a girl. thisis amazing. she's a lucky gurl. greeat write
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You paint a portrait of beautiful imagery. Your vocabulary is striking but so much so, that it becomes slightly distracting and detracts from the flow. Your emotions, on the other hand, come through loud and clear! Nicely done. Thanks for your entry and good luck!
~Lori
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First, let me thank you for entering my contest.
Second:
The flow and imagery was very well done. Creative perspective and conveyance. Easily related to. Original. Great use of vocabulary.
I'm a bit confused though...i THINK i see a E-HEART connection, but...
Very good. -
thank you for entering this wonderful dedication for your valentine
good luck in the contest with this very loving write
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Very nice job. This sounds like it would make a cool Beatles song, you know what I mean? But does this mean that if I look in her eyes, I'll go blind?
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I really liked this piece. It had a nice flow. I really loved the unique style. I love the words you used in this piece, it made for excellent phrases and a great vivid image. It just seemed to pop out at you with the words in this. Great write. - cgirl0410
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and oh that impish gleam that sets the passions burning, and makes one long for lesser clothes and more fleshy pur-suits...lol...excellent pinpoint of the pupils we all need to study with more.....Artis
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YOu've got quite a way with words. if you were to enter my contest, I would really be looking forward to your entry. This is a really good poem, thanks for sharing.
I have no suggestions for it, not at the moment in anyway.
Keep writing! -
Etherealforu/Jeannette sent me a link to this poem to read signing on to AP first thing today, and I know why she did! the poem is simply beautiful and written of someone who is every bit of sunlight to you. to whomever it is dedicated, I know she is very much touched by every word...
Jo -
excellent writing
This is such a beautiful poem. I have tears in my eyes that you were able to capture the essence of this person. "Loneliness, pain and hurt concealed, everytime you serenade her, a tepid twinkle revealed" Such tender, deep and understanding in your wonderful words.
I really love this one.
etherealforu
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I had to come back, cuz i sent the link to this poem to another person.........you make this wish this was written about us! Grrrrrrrrrrrr. So lovely, i had to read it again!!!!!!!
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I melt. These words are like a wonderful blazing fireplace.....This is what is mirrored in her own eyes as she looks at you....she is a reflection, her eyes are a mirror, for the fire that is you...I mean the writer! Wonderful!!!!!!! you are a favorite now. You asked for this, now you got it! ROFL Bekah
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Thank You for your comments everyone. They were truely appreciated
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WOW!!!!! amazing poem!! You have outstanding vocabulary skills!! I liked the poem and the way it described images so well. I love how you picked out special things about the girl and wrote about them so well. Your poem was very unique and very much enjoyed. Keep up the awesome writing!!
luv ya always
shooter -
Brilliant
I can just imagine looking into those incredible eyes.. Extremely beautiful wording though,, I was captivated.
Wonderful,
Chubbpower -
loved this poem, loved the part about intoxicated love or fun or whatever, really is the truth some times about there eyes.you really can see the truth within it all. within the eyes. it was a beatuiful poem thank you for sharing your words
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that is a really beautiful poem. whoever megan is, she's a very lucky girl. i'm not one for rhyming poetry, but this poem did seem to call for it. it did seem contrived and forced in a few places ((the second and fourth stanzas stand out in this aspect)), but i'm sure we'll all survive. once again, a very beautiful, heartfelt, and touching piece of poetry.
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Bravo on this one. Frankly, there isnt anything I can say that the above people have not already said. So therefore, I shall simply give you my applause and say GREAT JOB!!!
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DAMN buddy this is really good! i loved all of the emotion in it it was so beautiful. i like the using of your words u said some diffrent kinda words. so0o0 nice job and keep em coming x0x0x0x0 -Emily
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i thought this was absolutely beautiful you do not have to cut your words to make it technically correct if it makes it just another good but somewhat dull poem. I love the richness of your words and the emotion behind it to carry it through you have painted such beautiful images and a job well done. All the best Stella.
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Brilliant words for no doubt a wonderful woman.The wording was absolutely marvelous!!Keep it up and thanks for sharing.
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I totally agree with everything that jsl said, his advise is solid and should be taken seriously. It is a very romantic poem for someone you truly love and that really does come through.
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I enjoyed this poem more, when it seemed like you were being more honest with your feelings, then when you were trying to hide them behind long words. The two lines with the kind of honesty I was talking about are "In friendship and in love, their warmth forever shining upon your world" and "If you want to behold forever take a look"
I did enjoyed the attempt, to use different words. However I felt the diction was not quite right. Too many polysyllable words, interrupted the flow without necesarrily adding to the meaning. For example in the line "Every time you serenade her, a tepid twinkle revealed". The phrase "tepid twinkle" didn't make sense for me either in it's strange sound or it's emotional comment. The contrast in the stanzas was a little bit odd for me, you seem to be trying for highly decorative and ornate sounding language then end with the rather simple sounding phrase and similie "Her eyes are like the sun". Giving an uneven feel . I am writing this comment out of context, and won't really have this poem in perspective untill I read your other stuff. Untill then, hope you find this comment constructive. And anyways the person who counts the most really likes it.
Edited on Jul 19, 8:45 p.m. because ''. -
Awe! This is one of the best poems!
Great expression and thoughts, loved every line, was so sweet. And speaking as a girl, I know we all hope to be seen like this, so Megan is very lucky to have you write about it! -
this is an awesome write,very uniquely and beautifully written!!!
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love the repetition to each stanza and the way u end it just love it, it seems like someones smitten. i like the word usuage great job
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Great Job!!
I loved the vivid imagery intertwined with such pasionate, romantic feelings. It made me feel like falling in love all over again. -
Althought it was nice that you used other words for once, instead of the ones that are over used, I think you may have over done it. a few places were hard to understand and read. anyways nice poem.
~V~ -
my name is peace this is my hour
nice! i love it. im what you could call a novice poet, and it definintely seems like you have been writing for a long time. i really like the vocabulary that you used, the words paint such a vivid picture that its incredible. this one really jumps off the page for me. its one of those few that you can really feel. thanks for the great write, i love it! -
i love the variety of words you used to describe her. great poem, spectacularily written.
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