Mary had a little lamb
but he didn't cut the mustard
so she went back to the shop
and traded him for a buzzard
Now Mary had a buzzard
who was big, strong and defined
though he wasn't really very bright
and flew into some power lines
So Mary brought a little dog
imported from Australia
but a few weeks later, the poor old thing
died from kidney failure
Now Mary got herself a cat
that cat she did adore
until she hit him with the car
then the little cat was no more
Mary went back to the shop
with tears all in her eyes
"I want my little lamb back", she said
"For all my other pets have died"
And Mary got her lamb back
with fleece as white as snow
and she hoped that over time
her love for him would grow
But Mary never loved her lamb
all he did was eat all day
"I hate that thing", Mary said
"I'll make the bugger pay"
So Mary shot her little lamb
and she showed no remorse
two days later she served him up
with potatoes and mint sauce
Author notes
If you click on a featured poem, then fucking comment. It pisses me off if you don't do so, and I'll hunt you down and rip you limb from limb. LIMB FROM LIMB!!!!!!!!
Written July 12th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 63 of 63
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wow this was soooooooooooo great
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All I can say was the lamb must have had tasted awwwww soooooo yummy! ^_^ I really had to go back to this poem and make sure I commented on it for I don’t want to be torn apart limb from limb and since I already viewed it therefore I must comment. I’m terrible at making humorous poems but you did just fine here. You’ve made my day.
Have a good one powerslave! I have enjoyed reading this piece of yours. I hope I can be back for more. \m/
-Blanche
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this one was funny to read. It was cute in a macabre-like way.
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Hahahaha
hahahahahahahhaha! How awesome! ...hehehehe...Extremely funny! really interesting... hahahaha... Welld done! I liked the ending. And it rhymed too! Perfect! what else can I say! Well done!! Keep you sense humor as it is because it is just gorgeous! -
hahaha freakin awesome this is some funny shit. good job. you have just wrote my new favorite nursery ryhm.
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I like your humour my friend!!!!!!!! hahahahahhhhhhhh...(evil laugh fades into the night...). Sharon x
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this kind of reminded me of a few things, sometimes you can just never be satisfied, the grass isnt alwaysgreener on the other side. .. ya know.. this was good, funny . it was happy, for a brief moment i was sad
but then happy, and the end was funny
poor poor lamb, i just hope he was yummy
kick ass
Always
~ vini ~ -
I like your style. This was different. I like different. I now want to read more. Great job..
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This is very very good and quite hilarious. I didnt know exactly what to expect, but it was very good anyhow.
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ROFL I love ure authors comment! I agree, so annoying when people click but don't comment. Ahem, anyway, love ure poem!
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Nice
Heheh. It was lovely. -
This is great, gave me a good giggle for today Thanks for sharing.
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0-0'' 'k now... I don't know what's stranger, this poem about the 'food chain' and Mary getting the ride of her life, sitting atop the pinnacle...
Or the fact that kikirikiki, can make ANYTHING sound thought out, in depth and 'one with the under current' of the world. I think you both give me cold bath shivers! LOL ^^-^^ -
Wow, Mary is pretty cruel This is hilarious! It's one of those "I wish I thought of this..." poems. I really needed to smile today, so thank you for the laugh. If I had to choooose...I'd say I like stanza 3 best and then of course the last one. Great job, have a clappy
~Lana
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Of course we have good humour. It's just the rest of the world isn't clever enough to keep up
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hahaha awesome! who says we Brits dont have good humour
hahahahaha! great write hun!
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haha...very nice write here. gave me quiet the laugh keep up the great writing.
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perfect
This is so funny
didnt know someone could do something this good with mary balled -
Hahahah that was priceless! Excellent work!
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A little dark humor...you are so mean, killing off all those animals! Mary, too... I am laughing, though. And your poem is perfectly penned, meter and rhyme. Maybe it would pay to be the black sheep of the family? Klassy
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Hillarious
I'm only commenting cause I clicked on it, and well...there's that threat of yours. Sad thing about all them pets dying so that Mary could realize that death is a part of existence, thus embracing death by the killing of the lamb. Very much in tune with the Navajo Indian notion of transubstantiation of the animal spirit in which the shaman comes into acceptance of death by eating and consuming the animal, and thus becoming one with it. This is also seen in the Catholic doctrine of the Communion in which Jesus said "I am the lamb of God and God is one hungry fellow so you don't want to mess with his lamb." This is a powerful poem, and written in iambic tetrameter to boost. Seriously though, I would applaud but I've run out of the little guys. Be back tomorrow. Hillarious stuff, keep em coming.
Edited on Aug 01, 9:23 p.m. because ''. -
perfect. this was great. i mean it made my day a whole lot better, great job
blessed be
kim -
this was awesome! i'll remember this for a loooooooong time! it's flippin hallaricle!
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yea this was really funny..great write..i dont leave long comments much so great wirte..
hannah -
See what i have to resort to now..rereading your old stuff! This was posted such a long time ago..way back in July
Where's that new poem you were telling me about? Are we going to discuss it over lunch? I'll tell my people to call your people to make reservations...k?
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Sad, sad day in the petting zoo. Majestic.
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Very clever piece, humorous and witty ... I loved every line!
~Tina -
Lol..Who wants a stupid lamb anyway? Too bad about all those other pets though. Perhaps Mary just isn't an animal person. I loved the dry humor of this, the end has one hell of a kick. Great job on taking a classic and putting your own unique twist on it. ~Rainna~ PS. I commented, so I get to keep all my limbs right??
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haha this is one of e most humorous poems i've ever come across.. usually i found it hard to find wadeva awkward humor in poems much less laugh out loud... great job!
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superb
wow what a poem it is full of death but yet I laugh ...humorous indeed...the flow so grand....I hope to read many more of your works ....happy writting -
This is brilliant and humorus. keep it up.
Jess
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Outstanding
Nice threat in your author's question/comments box!
I thought this was an awesome poem. I never really understood why Mary absoulty had to have a lamb; this explains alot!! This outstanding peice of work made me laugh!! It's well deserving of the many applauds it has gotten, and will ever get; including my own. I'd applaud it a hundred times if the darn computer would just let me!
Anyways, once again, you did a freain' awesome job with this outstanding peice of work!
Keep up the great work, and keep in touch!
---Later---
Parearoo
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wow that is different
haha poor little lamb....im not having mary pet sit 4 me
cool
~D -
This poem is so fucking amusing.
I haven't seen wit like this since Oscar Wilde.
I love this poem.
Very good job.
Wampyr<3 -
Ha, this poem is adorable.
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I liked: that you attempted to satirize a nursery rhyme. Hey, you may not have been entirely successful, but at least you tried.
I didn't like: how stale the humour actually was. This has been done too often, in my opinion. -
Hahaha! i agree with the very first comment. This poem was wrong on So many levels and yet so cute and adorable even for its sick twisted tale. Haha. I love it. It's absolutely amusing, because, damn it, I'm sick and twisted. Haha..stupid lamb. Got what he deserved....hahaha very clever! Job well done!
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this is funny. keep writing.
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LOL, this is to cute! Poor lamb! Didn't stand a chance, did he? But I bet he tasted quite good with potatoes and mint sauce! Great job at twisting this little nursery rhyme! Very well done!
Bestest wishes & all that other mushy, gushy stuff ~Meli~
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LOL...This is so cute and funny!!!! I seriously enjoyed reading this and it gave me a good laugh!!! I love the way you concluded it-- it was so clever! Great write!
Edited on Jul 14, 1:00 p.m. because ''. -
Fantastic!
This was really fantastic! However for a supposed pet lover Mary showed little remorse maybe next time she should buy a horse.You have great wit.Always admired writers that can use humour in such an effective way!Please keep them coming! -
haha, great job, I find it incredibly hard to write humor, and you really pulled it off. keep up the good work.
Brent -
I love this, very humorous and wonderfully written. I thought you did a great job on this and I enjoyed reading it. Thanks so much for sharing this wonderfully delightful poem.
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Well, there are some people who just shouldn't have animals...apparently Mary is one of them. This was so twisted, and funny as hell. You've done a great job with this one. Muchas amor, Amanda
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Mary didn't have much luck with animals - or rather they didn't with her!
Edited on Jul 12, 12:10 because 'Sp.'. -
Haha this is so hysterical. Wow. Enjoyable read.
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lmao
lol that poem is wrong on so many levels.funny but wrong -
Poor lamb. He should have led a mutiny.
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Haha, that was really funny. I never would have thought about Mary's Little Lamb being so violent, lol. It was a very interesting choice to take a nursery rhyme and turn it into something of your own. I have to say I loved this, but still something I wouldn't tell me children if I had any! lol, Keep writing, -Heather
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haha that was really cute. i knew that mary was a little to weird! great job and keep writing, ur talented!!
-fantasy -
Great poem i thought it was funny when you said
Mary had a little lamb
but he didn't cut the mustard
so she went back to the shop
and traded him for a buzzard
Now Mary had a buzzard
who was big, strong and defined
though he wasn't really very bright
and flew into some power lines
So Mary brought a little dog
imported from Australia
but a few weeks later, the poor old thing
died from kidney failure
Now Mary got herself a cat
that cat she did adore
until she hit him with the car
then the little cat was no more
Mary went back to the shop
with tears all in her eyes
"I want my little lamb back", she said
"For all my other pets have died"
And Mary got her lamb back
with fleece as white as snow
and she hoped that over time
her love for him would grow
But Mary never loved her lamb
all he did was eat all day
"I hate that thing", Mary said
"I'll make the bugger pay"
So Mary shot her little lamb
and she showed no remorse
two days later she served him up
with potatoes and mint sauce
Thats right the hwole thing was funny -
Poor lamb. Mary sounds like a Tyrant!
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You are soooooooooo bad! This is just to funny.
~Dee -
Bad Mary, bad Mary, really bad little fat Mary.
Cute (or is that a good word here?), interesting-(there we go)
take on this classic nursery rhyme. Perhaps not one I'll be telling my future grandchildren....but funny nonetheless. vj
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Oh my!
Did Mary eat a little lamb
Nope, she ate alot of mutton
As Ewe can see she Rammed it down
cuz Mary is a glutton
Loved this dickon - thanks for the giggles Bravo!
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Nice depiction.
Intereasting. Little fun with Mary I guess never did like how wishy washy tyhe rhyme sounded. This has more bite. The fact is regardless of what the animal was the story is valid so Mary's lamb is devalued or revalued as the case may be. all those bleeding hearts who see lamb as a cute faithful path beware powerslave has made them into food again.
"she served him up
with potatoes and mint sauce" -
interesting!
Lol! That's all I'm going to say on this
It was ... interesting and creative. I wouldn't want my kids to read it but... interesting! I got a laugh!
gypsybelle. -
Good.
I think nursury rhymes are quite educational. One never knows what one may learn from them. Besides, has anyone ever read those original Grimms Fairy Tales? Quite Grim indeed. I think you've penned a good poem here. -
~sigh~
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To quote Pink Floyd "We don't need no medication". That is right isn't it? Or is it education? Either way, both are rather unnecessary in this current situation.
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I am pretty sure they have medication for that my new founded AP friend
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I'm not wrong, I'm right. Mary killed her little lamb because she was a vicious, vicious young lady!
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you are just wrong!!! lol okay a bit morbid here don't you think??? I wonder what your nightmares are about? hehe
Edited on Jul 12, 7:21 because 'cause I don't know how to spell!!'.
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