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How Do You Look

Missing image

 

How do you look in the candle light
What would a normal man see
Are you forward, or maybe contrite
Suppose that we both disagree

Are you a girl that's safe inside
The walls that now seem so high
Can you see yourself as a bride
And if not, do you ask why

Is it the hurt from long, long ago
Or is it a pain that's unknown
Can it be something that you'll outgrow
Is it something distrust has sown

The closer I look, the more you hide
Behind that beguiling smile
Are you the place where I can abide
Or should I leave for a while

How do you look in the candlelight
In the glow that's so clear and so pure
How would you look in the dark of night
I wish I could see for sure

Author notes

I wrote this as a response to Gatlianne's poem, "In the Candle Light," her's being from her point of view and this, from the guy's viewpoint.  Here's the link to her poem that goes with this one.  allpoetry.com/Poem/829331

I read and commented on:
allpoetry.com/poem/1281751
allpoetry.com/poem/1377342
Written July 10th, 2005

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 22 of 22

  • Touchof1der silver member
    August 20, 2005
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    It's still a breathtaking poem.
    ♥ Kimberly


  • Alice Anesthetized
    July 24, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    You have a way with words, that is for sure. Very passionate poem. You managed to convey the message without making the reader uncomfortable, or the poem too long. Great work!

  • Caustic Tongue
    July 17, 2005
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    Great poem, I especially like the way it conveys the emotion and message, feeling etc. but is written in such a controlled manner- it has something I can't define but which many poems lack. I like the way you have used the questions- great write, enjoyable read.


  • SexyAngel0418
    July 16, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    WOW This is an awesome poem based on someone else's poem!!! You did a great job on this one!!! I really like it!!!

    Hugs,
    Beth

    PS Good luck in the contest!!!


  • queenie
    July 11, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    this seems to have been given so much care and attention.it's like a beautiful dress where all the stitching have be sewn in,in just the right place.the right thread,used the right pattern,the exact needle size,the perfect fabric and every5thing together came out just right and cinderella has her ball dress.this is the poetic ball bress that makes cinderella's night complete.


  • Dark-Huntress
    July 10, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    this is a good poem and very beautiful. great flow and format. i like the pic that goes with it. good luck in the contest. keep it up.
    Jenna

  • Rambler
    July 10, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This somehwat puts me in mind of when I was engaged. Sometimes I would just look at Jenny and could not believe she was going to marry me. I kept waiting for something to happen that would screw it all up, because I was used to that. The fourth stanza actually describes my thoughts at the time. Always interesting how much we have in common. Excellent as always.


  • dark desire
    July 10, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    beautiful

    wow... what a beautiful poem... i feel like you have shown me some truth to my life after just one reading. that is always a nice feeling, thank you.
    ~pixie~


  • 6-Ft-UnDeR
    July 10, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    wow, this is an excellent poem, nice flow, format, picture, word choice, everything all in one, i love this , plus, it was fun to read, very romantic, touching, enjoyable, well, keep up the good work...again, nice write


  • Avatar of Innocence
    July 10, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I appreciate the dialogue, the rhyme and the theme. You may want to incorporate more imagery though, to bring the readers in and act as the audience. For example:

    Is it pulsing hurt from long ago
    Or is it a painful memory unknown
    Can it be some blue terror you'll outgrow
    Is it something distrust grandly sown


  • Bethie
    July 10, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This is good.. very well written, and it actually intices me to think of the book I am currently reading- "Captivating" which discusses how all women have beauty- they just have to have their prior (emotional) wounds healed before it can truly come out. As well, it discusses how we women will end up "hiding" our beauty, rather than risk being hurt and showing it. Roundabout way to say that I really liked the poem, but I did.

  • Poet7376
    July 10, 2005
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    patricia...enjoyed this write.....keep the pen flowing..from there words come tolife...brian..


  • Scarlet Ambrosia
    July 10, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    wow This was OUTSTANDING!
    I wish you all the best in contest, i'm sure this one is a winner!
    Di


  • PENNYROYAL
    July 10, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I like it. Content and technically it's good and I just genuinely like it. We're in the same contest so I wish you good luck when judging comes around.

    ♥

  • Touchof1der silver member
    July 10, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I don't care what anyone else has to say, but as far as I am concerned, this is absolutely fabulous! You have taken such great care to choose just the right words and phrases and it shows. Not that it surprises me any because your writing is almost always top notch. Pssst! I have to say almost becayse I don't want you to get too big for your britches! This really is lovely Paul!
    ♥ Kimberly


  • B Chandler
    July 10, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    oooo this is very good sug and i like how u got this worded throughout the whole poem good luck in the contest ur in with this write


  • Strawberry Roan
    July 10, 2005
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    this is really good. imagery imagery imagery.... thoughtful stuff. xxx


  • ricochet rabbit
    July 10, 2005
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    What I like: the phrasing is quite nice, so is the descriptions. Also I think that the atmosphere is very good. I like this poem, overall.

    What I didn't like: I think the rhymes, in places were a little bit forced. Not too much, though.


  • SuZyCuE
    July 10, 2005
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    Another great poem for one of your many friends. Your talent amazes me, it seems you can pen out one master piece after another so effortlessly. Beautiful poem Paul.


  • Maureen silver member
    July 10, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Very nice! I read Gatlianne's poem "In the Candle Light"..I enjoyed both of your poems very much!

    Maureen

    P.S.: Love what you did with her photo and the candle!



    Edited on Jul 10, 3:48 p.m. because 'added a P.S.'.


  • Claireabelle-
    July 10, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    NIce!


  • pattyann4500
    July 10, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    There is a contest this love piece should be in. It's remarkable as usual. Great work. Hugs, Patricia

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