Swimming in the dark,
Of the long black sea
That consumes the shallow heart,
Seething to be free.
Wasting away from pain,
That just never seems to end.
Running through the course,
Of the rat-race bend.
Hollow fills the void,
That used to be a part.
Red-rain soaks it down,
My hollow, blackend heart.
Red water touched her lips,
as she kissed her love goodbye.
The chilling of his skin,
The coldness that would cry.
Weeping of the willows,
Feathers of the skys.
Raven calls that bellow,
The echos of the lies.
As she watched her love get buried,
Deep within the grave.
She threw her last loves token,
The black rose that she had gave.
To Be Continued....
Author notes
its weird how you can write a depressing poem when your happy. XD *lmao*
Written July 8th, 2005
A contest entry
- Your Best Dark Poetry and lots of imagery....LOTS OF OPTIONA PLEASE ENTER by -ButterflyCuts-.
350 points, ended March 11, 2006, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Sorry you thought it was a love poem, but it's not.
it's more along the lines of...wanting freedom, coming so very close to having it, but then having it ripped away from you. ya dig?
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nice write. spelling mistake 'barried' should be buried. i did ask for no love poems though...
it has nice rhyme and i like the form
jess -
i liked this poem alot and how u put the ending wow.The rhyming and the flow of this poem wqas good.This poem was just dark,mysterious,and good.The emotion was good also i liked this poem very much.Good luck in the contest.
much love amber
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WOW
Wo, I truly loved this poem. It was not only dark and mysterious...but beautiful and captivating. Continue to write with such...passion and truth. -
your opinion is valued.*to an extent*
depressive poems can be written in any way shape or form.
being a poem author, you should have known that.
so instead of being told that my poem was about "Love"*which it wasnt* I'll just drop out of your contest.
thanks anyways,
-J
Edited on Jul 09, 9:23 p.m. because ''. -
This was a depressing poem but it seemed to be more about love than depression itself, which is a shame. It was really well written. It had a great flow to it and I liked the rhyme scheme. It is fitted into place perfectly.
'Hollow fills the void,
That used to be a part.
Red-rain soaks it down,
My hollow, blackend heart.'
Please go back and read the rules!
Thanks for entering and good luck!
skitza
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lol, thanks for the advice. I'll take that into serious concideration on my next poem.
I did'nt really want this poem to have a perfect rhyming scheme. ya know. *if that makes any sense..lol.*
I kinda wanted it to have a difficult time coming off the tongue, yet have a nice,bold expression. -
Hey J... sorry I havne't been reviewing your poems lately... I've been too lazy... -_- I have been reading them tho I think they are all great too I think your writing skills are actually getting better as you write more... no insult to your older peoms at all... Keep on writting and I bet you will be really great at it... one thing that bugged me a little about this oem is the rhyming seemed uncertain... you should try rearranging some of the lines so it could flow way better! WEll until another peom critique...
~*K*~ -
lol, wasting I meant was like...toxic waste. not waist like above your hips. XD
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I liked it. Awesome job!
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Yeah. It is wierd to write a depressing poem when your happy. I do sometimes. Anyways, it was good. I like where you stopped it. Can't wait to read part 2. This was very sad and yet very beautiful at the same time. You do have a spelling mistake though. Wasting is spelled waistng. At least I think you want to say waisting instead of wasting. Otherwise it is good.
-Megan, MK, Dark
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