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true love in a letter...

When i lie awake at night,it isn't insomnia,you're on my mind,
when im living in my dreams,within the romantic twilight,
it's you i dream of,loving me forever and always,
you are the sunshine, through my window pane,
waking me up, like the star-crossed lover i am,
open my eyes, and you appear in my distant gaze,
amazed by the fact you love me for who i am,
in love, you and me,forever we will be,
inseparable,i always think of you,
you are my oxygen,i cannot live without you,
you are my rose,
so precious and beautiful,
i love you, my baby,
and i always will...

Author notes

this is for the first choice, its to my significant other...aka my lover lloyd! hehe
Written July 8th, 2005

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 6 of 6
  • ilovemyex
    August 6, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Awwwwwww.thats sweet Again I know how it is


  • So much blood
    July 25, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    great

    I know from experience that it is really hard to write a good optimistic poem. You really pulled that off and more. I love it.

  • dream catcher
    July 11, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    "unseparable,i always think of you"
    i think perhaps it should be 'inseperable' rather than 'unseperable'
    overall i like the thought of this, it's pretty sweet
    however, with so many commas it gets distracting. an idea might be to take apart some of the lines (at the commas) and make a new line. sometimes a comma just isn't needed but i can see you want a pause there so making a new line would be the perfect choice.. good write


  • July 9, 2005
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    what a wonderful poem..much like the works of william wordsworth himself! Simply marvellous my child
    -Jane-


  • AmethystRose
    July 9, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    wonder who this is about..! Its such a fantastic write, so sweet and romantic! You pour all your emotions into this, its so heartfelt, well done.
    -K-


  • xtootiex
    July 9, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    aww this was really sweet i loved the first few lines. they were really beautiful. one tiny little reminder, please put the choice number in your authors box. best of luck in the contest x x x

1 - 6 of 6