Black Clouds.
Are my fear and depression,
As they tightly hug a grey-felt sky seeking comfort.
Rain.
As it teams down are nothing more than my tears of sorrow,
As they fall forever into nothingness.
Thunder.
Is my rage,
As it claps heavilly across a lonley sky seeking the urge to be heard.
Lightning.
Is my strength and life,
As it flickers through the air.
Wind.
As it glides through the trees,
Whispers my secrets of longing to be free.
Only when the storm comes please think of me,
A storm of emotions so wild, so free.
Beautifully dark but also grand,
Please think of me when the storm comes.
Author notes
Please give honest opinion. (Exempting negativity)
My emotions through a beauty of a storm.
(Option 4)
A contest entry
- Lightning Strikes by onesugar.
925 points, ended July 3, 2008, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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A wonderful take on the prompt. You have done a superb job of incorporating your feeling in with the force and nature of a storm. You ending summing it up as a cry to be heard and to feel you are not alone.
Thank you for entering and good luck
~sugar~
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It is a really nice poem.I like your choice or words here:
"Only when the storm comes please think of me,
A storm of emotions so wild, so free.
Beautifully dark but also grand,
Please think of me when the storm comes."
Really nice... I like it how you related with the rain. Though it is really sad. I hope you will feel better. Good luck!
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The poem bears a lot of emotions metaphorically. I like how you have used Nature's elements making it seem like a raincloud into the reader's mind.
My favorite lines:
Black Clouds.
Are my fear and depression,
As they tightly hug a grey-felt sky seeking comfort.
The start is very powerful. The impact it gives to the reader is intense. I like the whole package of this poem.
A couple of comments though. First, I saw a transposition error which is okay because it happens. Second, on a personal note, I suggest you change the title into something better. The title makes the poem very predictable. It is always good to give a little surprise to the readers.
Overall, a wonderful read.
Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best in the contest. Keep writing my friend.
~VIRGOAN~ -
I think this is weel expressed. The imagery the storm gives to your emotions is powerful. Wonderful job!
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very well spoken and emotional....kudos to you.keep it up .
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Wow this is so dark and so full of imagery. so full of emotions. Good luck in my contest
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I agree this is a creative write, and I love the storm metaphor... The imagery was wonderful and I really enjoyed the ending four lines... Great job and thank you very much for entering my contest.
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Wow, this is so creative! I love the way you compared yourself to each of these forces in nature. It all flowed beautifully and almost seemed realistic, as kif thunder really was a person's rage, for example. But I especially like the ending stanza. It put the poem together so well, that I am nearly speechless! Wonderful piece!
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Applaud
The elements and the emotions, both interconnected to our inner being and our moods, beautiful poem that captures the essence os the power of nature and our emotions manifested. This poem is well worthy of applause.
Georges. -
CONGRATULATIONS on your silver!! Well done. Love and Laughter, Chrissie
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The storm brings out a torrent of emotions, fear , excitement, horror.a good write, Good luck in the contest
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Taking the elements of a storm to form this excellent piece was very creative. Bravo! Thanks for entering this into the contest~vj
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This was intersting how you took the elements of nature and gave thought into the emotions with them. I like the part when the storm comes please think of me. Makes me think of a humble cry of the heart to God or to someone needing to know and find that comfort they aren't alone. If your not a believer I just saw the cry of a heart in this to know they aren't alone.
Well written and reflected on nature and emotions I thought.
Sherry~
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