shattered hearts and broken tears
penetrating my ruptured soul
blinding my mind
and letting my poisoned heart
take control
i felt just fine
but was i lying inside
you slowly pulling away from me
while stealing my sanity
like poison dripping
through my veins
my unconsentual killing
now you're gone
my numb body goes on...
alone
with a broken heart
and poisoned soul
my mind can think
but my heart can't feel
the black void
you left me in
when you left me
again
Author notes
this poem i wrote for my best friend who just got out of lock up for the 2nd time and again tried to slit his throat and got locked up again recently. i love you steve!
Written July 7th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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the reason that this poem is untitled is because my best friend i wrote this for always talked about how cool it would be to have a song/poem that was really untitled! so the title even though to everyone else has no meaning it means a lot to the both of us. thanks for the comment!
angi -
Not bad but I think there's some room for improvement. I for one don't believe a poem should go untitled. A title can add a whole new dimension to a poem so you might want to think about that. Plus, a pick of punctuation and capitalization might help as well. Liked the ending, sounded more directed to a lover than a friend to me. Thanks for the entry, take care and God bless.
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sorry, its not meant to be accusing of you, its saying i miss you and you mean the world to me. i hope youre still on im me if you are.
angi -
i finally got to comment on this poem so forgive me im honored you would right a poem for me im really sorry i keep hurting you when i get locked up i no it hurts and im sorry but ne way its a very touching poem and all the coments make me feel like an a$$ T_T but luv you and ill b there for you as much as i can
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this was very sad. i made me cry. i have friends who do this. hell i used to as well. you did wonderfully well on this. great job!
good luck in the contest!
-Kevin
*blessed be* -
Wow. That's so incredibly sad. I can't even begin to imagine that, i've never even come close to a situation like that. Your pain must be unbelievable. I'm sorry. This is a good poem though. Thank you for entering it
Good luck in my contest! -
Not two verses for this contest, Lol. but nicely done
kat -
i know you guys are there and it means a lot to me thanx! i love you too!
angi -
ang i know steve means alot to you, but you need to know shanda lacey and i are allhere for you i'm giving you aplause for little black box through thisok?
i think this is a great poem i cannot tell you how sad i am to know steve is not here for you.love ya
*fiona* -
i agree with jojo, a VERY heart tugging poem indeed. This poem makes the reader sense and feel what the writer had once felt before. I love the first stanza the most^^. Great write!!
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i didnt know about that....how recently? this was a very heart tugging poem good job and it's great you can make me really feel the feelings from the poem! it was great!!! peace to STEVE ~flight
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