Lips Dancing In Tune
Kiss Rachel a dream
Scream thus awakened I miss
Her body near me
Perhaps sleep or trance
We dance deep collapse
I dream lips drawn close
Lips silk aloes seem
My heart skips a beat
As lips meet then part
Her kiss stealing breath
Death dealing sweet bliss
Jumpstarting my lungs
Our tongues darting in
Playfully biting
Naughty play fighting
Bodies r playgrounds
Love sealed with a kiss
Amiss, senses reeled
Feel fantasy’s truth
Youth’s destiny real
Fused fingertips brush
Blush bruised lips suffused
Pleasing we persist
Resisting we tease
Kiss Rachel no dream
Her naughty screams crystal clear
This body near me
Lips dancing resumed
Author notes
Written July 5th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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VERY good write! The flow & rhyme scheme was truly unique. Love it. xoxo jen
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Cool
I like that. It was really good, though Cly didn't seem to get it, but she's no poet. By the way, thanks for the comment on Ima Jincs. We really like your name, by the way. It's funny, but not in a bad way. You'll figure out why, later in Ima, if you decide to read further on. Anyways, this was a good poem. -
I like to read and then reread poetry like this. The word choice, rhythm and internal rhyme are something to be savoured, like tasting fine wine, and should never just be gulped down without first enjoying the nuances and layers of flavours. This is beautiful, sweet, sensual and full of heart. Intelligently penned and a pleasure to read.
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I miss free verse so much sometimes... like when I read something of this caliber and it reminds me why I stopped... because there are so many out there that are better at it than I....
Thank you
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Bodies r playgrounds net talk causes this...lol one must watch themselfs about that when writing. Other than that the way you describe a kiss is sweet yet sensous.
Rose -
Gorgeous the way these words frolicked and bounced such a cleverly crafted piece the way you have interweaved these words it has a wonderful sound such a delicacy of the kiss. a very creative piece fantastic job. Stella.
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Wow, relaly poetric and beautiful
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this was a nice write i enjoyed it with its solid rhyme and nice flow you dod well poet!!
love and light
blaze
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Very good internal rhyme and word weaving – It was a slight effort to make the scan work (for me), but none the worse for that… I quite like it when it isn’t too easy!
I very much like silken aloes (normally pronounced ‘allo – but by some purists pronounced Al-lowE) which I think also works rather well.
I also like very much the final line – and thought it would also work well as a title… but perhaps loose a little impact (¿?) not totally sure… Good stuff – have a standing ovation!¡
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