Lying in eternal rest, cold hands folded on your chest,
I contemplate the senselessness of violence.
Things that we will never do, words I’ll never say to you,
Linger now in death and all its silence.
Author notes
This is something that terrifies me - losing someone that I love suddenly without getting the chance to say everything I wanted to say. I wrote this because I don't want this fear in me anymore.
Written July 5th, 2005
A contest entry
- Death Sentence by unsexypenguin.
350 points, ended July 9, 2005, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Wow. This is an amazing poem. So short but so powerful and emotional. And like the people who have left comments before me have said it is indeed something to be feared, after the passing of some of my family members I certainly felt that I had never got the chance to say all the things I wanted to say just one last time or whatever. But maybe the fact that you do fear this will help ensure it doesn't happen to you because you'll make the most of every oppertunity to tell people how you feel or whatever. The thing I fear most is not saying goodbye, although a terrible thought - you never know when your last goodbye will be. So now every time I say goodbye to someone I do not use the word lightly, I make sure I really mean what I say.
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Anyway.... what I'm trying to say is fantastic poem! I really enjoyed reading it and the fact you can do so much with so few words shows you have real talent!
JESSxxx -
you really know how to make your poetry rhyme don't you.i love the way this piece flows! i loke your work and i'm addibg you to my favorites!!!
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made me stop and think of my children
2 sentences, woa... There are two ways I interpreted this piece. The first being a dead family member of some sort (Girl friend, child, mother, father...ect..killed by street violence. The second, having a piece of yourself dying due to a loss of a loved one...(see example). Christopher -
WOW
There is much to be said in simple lines that rhyme. Powerful words. I cannot think of anything more horrifying. Well done. I sit now, thinking, and feeling just a bit numb from the emotion these words provoke.
Bravo. GOLD in my book. ~Pam
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i love this! the rhyme is outstanding
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This kicks ass. Finally, someone who can make a rhyme without butchering the medium.
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Wow, I am at a lost for words, where/when I should have so much to add having lost the most pivotal people in my life in the past 5 years. I just hope that when you do lose someone, you have said and did all that you wanted. This has made me go through some shocking reminders and experiencing the all-too-familiar mood swings that are not so frequent as they were in the past (and only a very good piece of writing may do that to me). Your lines here are good, and the first one is so poignant and full of such a vivid image that anyone should be able to see. I can't add much more as this is still such a devastating subject for me. Best of luck and with regards, always.
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That is a terrible thing. Actually if you've never had this happen I hope that you don't, we have it happen at least 3 times at year. This year a guy that I had a crush on that was in my class passed away. He was playing a pick up game of basketball and he just went down and died on the way to the hospital. 3 years ago my sister had a crush on this guy and he had kissed her and she was gonna tell him how she felt and when she called him she heard that he had drown that day. It's a terrible thing to go through, I hope you ever experience it. *Thinks back on all the friends she's lost over the years* If you have something you wanna tell someone tell them now, don't let them go without letting them know how you feel or what you have to say. This is very deep. Thank you for entering it into my contest.
-Miranda
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