crisp and clean the air I breathe
open sky where thoughts may roam
passing breeze wafts through my ear
imagine freedom, remembering hope
I lie beside the babbling brooke
curling up in the luscious green
my eyes are fixed on the deer that panteth for the water
then it hits me, I am lost in a dream
but it's quiet here and for once I am alone
to think the thoughts that distortedly twist
my mind alone at last can fly
my heart to rest in eternal bliss
scarcely clouds the sapphire deep
lulling slowly to a serene rhythm
all is peace, I fall asleep
charoal well.. still I'm sinking
into darkness, further I go
bludgered brain my head is throbbing
damp and musty the air I breathe
back to reality, there is no place like home
Author notes
just something I came up with.. tell me what you think?
Written July 5th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Great imagery
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Great imagery and flow. I really like it. You have a lot of talent. Take a look at a few of mine if you have a chance. Keep writing
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this one left me speechless! wow this is awesome...i love ur work..how u did the details !awesome
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Wow
I'm a really difficult person when it comes to the appreciation of a poem, because it takes much to keep me interested until the end. But *your* poem... swept me off my big feet. I love all the inversions you used, and the alliterations gave a nice ring to it. Great use of words too! It gives your poem a "dreamy" or "eerie" feel. -
hammered the nail.. you've hit it my friend. In fact, I had Alice in Wonderland in mind, curious that you'd figure that out? You have most definately got hte mind of a mature poet.. no question in my mind. Do you see now that we have the reoccuring theme of a harsh reality? I've quoted you at the beginning of my author page if you'd like to take a looksie
at a place of honor as well.
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awesome!!
absolutely wonderful. i love the choice of words.. i could imagine and smell every piece of this poem. it's like i am in the poem.. i love when i feel that. awesome. -
great!
Heather this is really nice the description was phenominal and the ending was brilliant. This was a really really nice piece and a great comparison and concept. I really enjoyed this, very well done. No critiques.. cept you might want to capatalize the first letter of each line.. other than that this was amazing. A really good write, keep it up
I'll keep reading..
*hugs*
~manda -
thank you ria babi i loooove you!! *embrace* my birfday was fabulous.. haha n my brandon got me the best gift of all! love ya doll!! hope you hada great holiday!!!
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WOW heather that is amazing!!!!! I am at a loss for words this is truly brillant i love the imagery here i could picture everthing that yoo were saying.... Just WOW a truly amazing piece
I Hope yoo had an amazing birthday im sorry i didnt call yoo i left amessage for ya a couple days ago Happy 15th birthday heather baby!!! I love yoo to death and miss yoo to pieces... Cant wait till we meet again!
x3 always and forever
RiA
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