In a land far, far away, there is a village that isn’t really right,
Their sun is their dark, their moon is their light,
Little people wander the village, all with three fingers and four toes,
They smell from out of their mouths and speak out of their nose.
Their eyes are different colors, sometimes one bigger then the other too,
Ears so small making them seem so tall, you wonder how could they even hear you?
Tempers beyond belief, they are quick to lose their cool,
One little mistake I did make when I mistook one for a stool.
Their village is appalling, full of rubbish, the stench will really take your breath away,
In their own filth is how they choose to live, dirty is how they choose to stay,
They do not believe in bathing at all, their own sweat is what they consider a shower,
I don't know anyone to this day that has been able to stand the stench of these people for anything longer than an hour.
Their home resembles a junk yard, bits of food and dirt all over the floor,
A welcome sign hangs on for dear life, as does the front door,
Beds made from old crumbled cans, blankets that smell as if they have been left in the rain, time after time.
If dirt was considered against the law, their whole village is one giant crime.
When rain does decide to fall they all shriek as it washes them all clean,
Their houses sparkle as if they have been polished buy our friend Mr. Clean ,
Flowers that died long ago stand firm and full grass that was brown turns back to green,
A rainbow shows as they all look in awe, as it is something they have never seen.
They were too busy following all the rest in what they did everyday,
That they never thought anything with true beauty would ever come this way,
One of them smiles as he looks up, a drizzle of clean water dripping upon his face,
He thinks to himself if we all pulled together we could make this a better place.
The sun shows up over the clouds giving them much needed light,
They changed their habit of sleeping through the day and going to bed at night,
Weeks have gone from that very day, where they all swore to change their ways.
All the people now live happily in a better place, living much happier days.
Author notes
Written July 4th, 2005
A contest entry
- BEST PREWRITTEN CHILDRENS STORY OR POEM by Snowing Kisses.
700 points, ended January 30, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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wow i love this it has wonderful omagry its really very good thanks for entering
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Haha! Elaborate children's story, could make a great book if shortened up and with the right illustrator. I can see the little creatures now living in their filth and the rain cleansing them and the beauty flourishing about them.
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I thank you for the comment and am so glad you liked my work. I never wrote a childs poem before so it was a diffrent thing for to do.
Edited on Jul 06, 5:56 p.m. because ''. -
Moral of the story: Rules ar for your own good! Haha love it.
My nose was crinkled as I read this as I imagined the dirt, grime, and stench. Great details.
Sarah -
A very surreal and imaginative story. Detailed and colorful. Thank you.
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its an interesting poem not certain why its in a contest for limericks but thats beside the point really there might be more to that than I realise. well in general its got the kind of mix of humour, imagination and hints of disgustingness that kids love so much and its vividly written to appeal to the younger mind. But I'm not certain if the lines are a bit too long?thats the only slight fault, which indeed can be viewed purely as opinion and conjecture so...generally its good, the overall flow and rhyme is just right its just long lines can start to read a bit like prose. Good work, you've got talent so keep it up
Dara
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Good luck in the contest, this was really great! I could really see the story here, I hope you read this to becky, i think she would love it lol. Take care xxx Mara ooo
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BRAVO
I love it! Bravo. I can see the scenes as I read them which is important in a children's story. This begs to be illustrated. Best of luck in the contest. Blessings and Peace - joanne -
realy good
Very interesting i liked it - so many visions - the stinch the dirt the filth - it was if they were living in a junk yard the way you described their beds yow - but you honestly should write more childrens poems this was realy that good.. -
I'm WAY undereducated in the limmerick department, SO no intelligent comment from here. I just know I found the piece an enjoyable read. Made me think of the smurfs for some reason, don't ask me why cuz I can't tell ya.
~Dee -
This is a well written poem, i liked the way it flowed well, keep it up and goodluck in the contest.
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Great
We like it. I read it to my 3 children and 2 of their friends, they all like it. Good job. Keep it up! -
One spelling error - last stanza, the word 'past'. But anyway, you say this is your first attempt? I like it. Impressive children's poem. It contains rich imagery, a smooth flow, merry tone, bits of humour and general wisdom inserted here and there. Makes for an enjoyable piece to read and an excellent children's poem. Couldn't have done better myself (the thing is, I haven't tried doing a children's poem yet!)
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A very cute and humorous write
Leaves a nice message in there as well...perhaps some advice I should take in the tackling of the bunny fluff
I wish you the very best in the contest
Edited on Jul 05 because 'sleep deprived
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