The Timekeeper sits upon her steely perch
hands forged from the future and the past
impishly smiles from the day's quick expire
and the upcoming ease of tomorrow's pass
'Tis in her magic to make us believe
that time's a never-ending dream
Forever---Forever she slyly grins
While she whispers Never---- to the winds
And in her methodical ticking voice
she lulls my childish heart to believe
fortified by days of everlasting play
that makes the future seem far away
play on my little child, she sighs
for tomorrows are full of endless days
Forever---Forever she slyly grins
while she whispers Never---- to the winds
Soon I laid my childhood aside
for I had grown-up things to do
too busy to ever glance her way
till regret began its consume
Don't fret my child, feel at ease
Reach into your tomorrows for another day
Forever - Forever she slyly grins
while she whispers Never--- to the winds
As I walk toward the ending path
she adds quickness to my frail steps
she devilishly laughs for stealing my youth
and taunts with--- what could have beens
I watch her sweep tomorrow into its grave
as her clock winds down in chimes
Forever---Forever she hauntingly laughs
while she whispers--- Never----- to the winds
Author notes
Written July 4th, 2005
Free verse
A contest entry
- It's About Time....... by Carpe Noctem.
300 points, ended September 7, 2006, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 10 options for the creative poet (3) by bananasfoster42.
700 points, ended June 17, 2008, 34 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Since Plautus is dead... by Brian A.
1700 points, ended April 19, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 3 3 3 Pre Write Knock Out by WuzGood.
900 points, ended July 16, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 42 of 42
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Yes.. Good luck!
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This is an excellent piece! The repitition of the final two lines is apt, like the swinging pendulum on a grandfather clock. For free-verse, it certainly has a lot of rhyme and slant-rhyme. This flowed as if it were from the pen of Henry Vaughan or Emily Dickenson him/her-self. A few things I noticed though. The line, "till regret began it's consume" doesn't really make sense. You could use consumption, but that would break the flow. The word steeling should be stealing, I believe. Anyway though, great job. This certainly deserves the trophies it has won.
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I really like the haunting aspect of this piece, and the repetition of the words ‘forever’ and ‘never’, which display the power of time. It was a beautiful piece, and the picture went along well with the poem. Thank you for sharing.
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WOW! this is amazing!! wonderful write!!! thanks for the entry!
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Congratulations on winning gold in this contest with this awesome poem. Great picture, dark and deep poem, time just keeps on ticking...
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amazing
Wow, this was powerful, dark, and very true. I loved this! Perfect flow and wow......fantastic job, thanks for entering, and best of luck!
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Great entry... beautifly scary images and thoughts, wonderful!
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You included some wonderful imagery in this piece, and the running metaphor for the journey of life is stunning. Your vocabulary is broad and imaginative, and the rhythm, though I did not think it suited the theme (it is a very slow poem; which is fine, but I would have made it faster, as life generally seems to race along), is well crafted and consistent.
Nice work, and best of luck in future writing. -
I liked the symbolism in this. Your topic is originally and the poem is cleverly crafted. I also like the repetition. Your expression was beautiful and i could relate entirely to what you were trying to say. awesome job!
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I loved the repetition you put at the end of each stanza, it really tied up each thought. The rhythm and flow worked together nicely.
All in all, a great job. -
Truly an awesome write bravo to you
for your creative mind with this contest on time
best of luck
FrozenTears -
Oh, yes, ahd I read this first, I would not even have competed. this is truly, truly awesome.
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This is a wonderful poem....I wrote for that contest too! Good luck in this one.
Deena
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Ican imagine the picture here.. great w rite.. with a wonderful choice of words.. very well done dear.. good luck in the contets
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great poem. not quite sure how it relates to the picture however i suppose i can see a glimpse here and there.
well done great write
and thanks for entering my contest -
So sinster and appealing. It has a old world kind of feel to it!!! I really and truly liked this poem and I wish you all the best!
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Oh my! This was beyond awesome, my friend! This has a very haunting tone; one that truly makes this piece come to life! It has a very Poe-like quality to it. (I think he would have loved this!) Your repetition of the words "Never--to the winds" worked very well here. It brought home the message of the write perfectly! This is an exceptional work! One I'm bookmarking, for further reading. (And studying!)
Paula -
great
great job -
Ooo very eery and mysterious, yet a beckoning and enjoyable poem to read^^. Amazingly beautiful poem and majestically flowing words that seem to run like silk. --hey isnt it coincidental that there are 2 raspberries on the featured box lol jsut a though
-- Great write here^^! Good luck to you in the contest as well!
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I really enjoyed it. Keep it up!
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Bravo!
I really liked your choice of words in this work. The whole thing flows wonderfully and you do a superb job of capturing and describing your story in its entirety. -
Okay this poem really got my attention, I loved the fact that you have depicted the whole whispering forever into our ears, when she knows that there will never be forever... a dark twist taken from the picture, but I loved it, awesome write here. Good luck in the contest
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Well now I would never have thought to make her some evil little pixie that steals our life and gets enjoyment out of it... then again I'm not writing for the contest either. This was an excellent piece, I loved the use of repetition that gave the insinuation of life's repetition... excellent
Thank you very much for entering the contest. You'll be sure to see comments from My unshed tears before the judging is out. Good luck
Shari
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This really is a great write. First off, I love the repetition of the final lines of the stanzas, they add an effect, yes, but they're just so... (I want to say beautiful almost) that it's amazing. The switch from sly to haunting, is great as well. It's a wonderfully chilling way to end it. The piece overall reminds me of Poe's "The Raven." The watchfulness of the Timekeeper mirrors that of the raven. The imagery adds to it in a great way. "...sweep tomorrow into it's grave" is such a wonderful phrase, very poetic. This is such a great piece to be welcomed back with. I've been away for a while and it's refreshing to see something as well done as this. BRAVO!!!
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This is great Razz!!! I do believe you out of the slump. I have this same idea in life, I hate time for taking away my glory days, when life was a joke and we lived to test fate, when there were no tomorrows and when they came, another test came with it. I love this, thanks for letting me know as I tend to forget to check up sometimes, Im actually a little flattered that you kept me in mind, your friend, Joe
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pure adrenaline
My favorite part of your poem was -
And in her methodical ticking voice
She lulls my childish heart to believe
Fortified by days of everlasting play
That makes the future seem far away
Just over the edge with pure adrenaline...
Great poem keep it up -
Oh this is a wonderful poem!
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wonderful write. good word choices. great imagery. keep on writing.
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i like this, you have given her life and a very wicked sense of an imp that steals our time away in youth and mocks us in our old age. a wonderful write.
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while she whispers Never---- to the winds
I really like that line and the repition works very well. You use "devilishly," to describe her smile twice. I think a stronger word could be used on the second description so that you can further describe her smile rather than repeating devilishly.
Overall a good poem. I enjoyed reading it.
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The timekeeper. Very eye catching title. The picture went along with the poem. IT reminds me of a song. very good poem, keep writting.
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Very well written
The Timekeeper-- oh how those early years had days that never ended. Then as we grew older I think we forgot to enjoy life and it becomes a mad dash and the days are not long enought.
Then the Timekeeper steps back in and you slow down.
Thats how it sounds to me, like a song. Pray you win the contest. -
I think your owrk is just simply amazing! Great work!
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Great write!!!
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This is an amazing write, and simply brilliant. The originality within the words was perfectly done and the way you took that picture and wrote about it so exquisitly and described with without a flaw. I loved the way you added 'Forever---Forever she slyly grins, while she whispers Never---to the winds' It really added alot to the write with the constent format. Your words were so captivating and honestly left me speechless. I hope to read more from you soon, keep writing. -Heather
Edited on Jul 05, 8:14 because ''. -
This is a GREAT one, we are certainly blessed with some unique and talented minds here at Ap. I thank you for featuring this piece othewise I might have missed out on your gift! You have taken such and over looked and taken for grant topic and turly written it well. Like this particular part here"And in her methodical ticking voice
she lulls my childish heart to believe
fortified by days of everlasting play
that makes the future seem far away
play on my little child, she sighs
for tomorrows are full of endless days
Forever---Forever she slyly grins
while she whispers Never---- to the winds" These are such truthful words filled with so much wisdom.....
Iculookn' -
I truly enjoyed this piece. Very whimsical and made me smile which, I could use today. I usually try and not repeat the same words in a piece. I noticed you used devishly twice here, this doesn't mean it makes the poem bad, just using another word keeps the piece fresh. Impish sounds like a good replacement for one of the devilshly. Just my opinion of course.
I did enjoy the read.
~Dee -
excellent choice of words, very vivid imagination, I'd say a great poem, keep up the great job!
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Marvellous!
Beautiful, mysterious, haunnting, and powerful. In the first stanza, I found myself scrolling back up to the picture to look again at the details of her grin which you caught, but I didn't on first look. You take us on as relentlessly as time itself into our loss of childhood and loss of childish times when we are grown up, then haunt us at the end with her devilish laugh.
Wonderful write my friend. -
EXCELLENT
One of the best I have ever read on allpoetry. You nailed it. I love the truth in it. It has both a sense of hopelessness and yet is very motivating. Excellent. -
You have got my vote
This is a phenomenal write!!! I don't know whether to like her or not, lol. It seems like she doesn't want you to take life seriously, but to take no thought of growing up. You took this theme and ran with it. I think you ran to gold. Just wonderful!!~vj (p.s. I did have to wonder if she ever got any splinters in her bum sitting there without any britches on) -
excellent~
Well
I think this is awesome..I looked at the contest rules then saw the pic that you used for the poem and you have some wonderful imagery in this poem.....I like how you titled it The Timekeeper and going with the theme throughout.....and I especially like the ending lines
*while she whispers Never....to the winds....
I love it and good luck in the contest
I got up a new one too come on over
Hugs
Susan~~~
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