~
she sat at the table poking at a cloth
folded neatly in front of her
not knowing what it was or what it was for
the little man in the baseball cap
kept bringing her things
the piece of cloth,
a used tissue,
a plastic water cup
she studied it all intently
what were these treasures that
lay on the table in front of her.
she unfolded and folded a pair of white socks
as if it were her job
to fold and unfold socks
unfolding, folding, unfolding, folding
the socks had appeared after one
of the old man’s trips around the room
he made his circle over and over again
stopping to pick up anything that was available
he didn’t know what it was
but maybe the old woman wanted it
and when he passed by the old woman again
he would give it to her as if it were hers
and she was grateful for these things
surely she had a need for them
but what were they
and what were they for
the black lady sat quietly at another table
focusing intently on her activity
a bin full of crayons was on the table next to her
she was coloring
her hand never stopped moving, such smooth strokes
on the pages of the coloring book
each stroke in cadence,
one, two, three,
one, two, three
she had no conception anymore
of coloring inside the lines
because the lines no longer mattered
it wasn’t the picture
it was the motion, the movement, the cadence
it was all about the cadence
mindless strokes of crayons
color on top of color on top of color
a lady sat at her table in a wheelchair
her long hair pulled up in a ponytail
clapping her hands as if trying to get attention
or perhaps clapping to a tune
being played only in her mind
but the clapping continued, softly,
and the others didn’t seem to notice
clap, clap, clap
clap, clap, clap
each one was doing something
some sort of motion or activity
rocking, staring out a window,
mumbling the words to an old song,
crying, and some aimlessly wandering
within the confines of a merry walker
a rolling cage of pvc pipe
though some could still shuffle easily
enough without any assistance
the floor is tiled, and one woman
traces the lines in the floor with her steps
its something she has to do
but she has no idea why
the merry walker moves easily down
the long hallway
she encounters another merry walker
they bump against each other
over and over, small bumps of white pvc pipe
they want to continue and can’t
eventually one will break free of the contact
usually accidental
and then both proceed as if the encounter
never happened
no words exchanged
bump bump bump
bump bump bump
have to get somewhere
But don’t know where
and eva, she sits and jerks every few seconds
small seizures perhaps, they say
maybe these motions are like the clapping
or the coloring
or the staring
no expression on her face, her blue eyes wide
she looks at me as if she has never seen me before
but when I reach and touch her hand,
she looks at me
not in recognition, just a look
she never remembers me
but I understand
eva’s head is bent slightly to the left,
she looks in her lap
she has lost her ability to smile
to understand words
she responds most to her once-forgotten filipino
learned while a missionary with her husband
one of the aides in the unit is from the Philippines
and she seems to listen intently to her chatter
but she does not speak, not a word
her mouth moves, but only just a little
her right hand is contracted, drawn up
toward her shoulder
her eyes are clear, her mind is innocent
her hair cut short, more salt than pepper
and when I tell her she’s beautiful
she looks at me and i wonder
is she smiling inside
a nurse appears and stands in the center of the room
she tries to lead the patients in The Star Spangled Banner
some could sing, some paid no mind to the noise
the nurse lead the group in some simple exercises
most again not following her lead
the coloring woman was still coloring
eva was still leaning and jerking
another nurse tries to take blood pressures
with diplomacy and gentle coercing
and more singing
Jesus Loves Me and
He’s got the Whole World in His Hands
another woman mindlessly massages her scalp
smooth motions just like the coloring lady
still another stares out the window,
but turns and starts to twirl around
and swirl her skirt just like a child
head tilted back, humming, eyes closed.
I wonder if she knows how graceful she looks
and how gently her skirt sways to a tune
only she hears
A volunteer walks over to the piano
'I've had a request,' she says loudly
and she sits down and begins to play
When the Saints Go Marching In
and as she played it with gusto
the swirling lady started to sing
and raised her arms to lead
all the others
I’m surrounded by wheelchairs, walkers, merry walkers,
patients aimlessly walking in some sort of pattern
and then they sing You Are My Sunshine
once in a while a particular song will spark something
in the coloring lady’s mind and she stops her motions
and sings loudly
they aren’t unhappy, but then they are not happy either
for them, this emotion has ceased to exist
they are slowly becoming empty, unable to express
any thought, unable to understand others,
unable to identify the simplest of things; a fork,
a hairbrush, the wedding ring on their finger.
each day is like a lifetime
beginning to end
and the next day they once again are a newborn
living another lifetime in the span of
yet another day.
I hugged Eva and told her I would come to see her again
but I know she does not know me
although I see her often
and she will know me less and less each time I see her
her husband had arrived to help her with her lunch
and we spoke of eva and her decline, as we always do
I kissed eva on the cheek and told her goodbye
and as i walked through the maze of tables and patients
some looked, but most didn't
I wasn't much more than that piece of used tissue, really
not in their world
I turn to look at the room before I punch in the code
to unlock the heavy doors that keeps them inside
the twirling woman is now staring out the window again
the coloring woman still coloring
the folding woman still folding
the man in the baseball cap still circling
and I see Eva’s husband wiping tears from his eyes
he comes twice each day, hoping he can keep
her alive just a little bit longer by making sure she eats
it breaks his heart that she doesn’t recognize him
that she doesn’t respond to his touch or return his kiss
but he smiles anyway and speaks Filipino to the aide
because he knows Eva always loved the language
he tries to get her attention
eva ... eva?
but she still leans and jerks
it breaks my heart to see his pain
and he does this twice a day, every day
and he will keep coming until she is gone
~
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Dee
