Sophie
I woke up one morning to get ready to buy some treats.
As I close the door, I notice some kittens looking for eats.
They seen me and stared straight into my eye.
I left to the car as they watched me and said 'Bye'
When I returned the kittens were all still there, but running playfully.
Then I noticed that there was a pretty little black runt that was small, hyper and silly.
I felt bad for the little one.
Cause all that she ever was, was thrown out to suffer alone.
I took that little one and nursed it to be healthy.
When she took to us we started to see that she was
growing and happy.
She was the runt of the litter.
And now all her bros. and sisters all are envy and bitter.
Then we discussed what to call kitty?
We called many names out and the winner was...
!Sophie!
She ran to me with so much energy in her that she tumbled to me.
Sophie sat in my lap to knead me for milk on my ICP Tee.
I knew that ever since I found her that day.
I Love that kitty of mine named...
!Sophie!
Author notes
My new kitty gets a poem of her life. So that everyone knows are luck that we found each other.
For My Lovely Krazy Kitty *Sophie*
Written July 2nd, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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aw-how sweet-a poem bout ur kitty-i luv my kitty 2-her name's melody-but now she's all grown and has kitties of her own-much luv from me 2 u-
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The begining was a little forced, but it came out good at the end. I liked how you put your emotions into the poem, and it was cute. Keep on writing.
Blessed be,
Lefay -
As far as an honest critique, I would say I agree with the tiny forms of wording mentioned above. Otherwise...this is a darling poem!!! ICP- Insane Clown Possee...or however ya spell it! LOL! Right on!
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Awww, this is really cute! I'm a very big cat fan, but I like kittens... lol, weird huh? haha, but I like how you wrote this! Great write and keep up the great work! Glad that you joined Allpoetry!
"Cause all that she ever was, was thrown out to suffer alone."
That's a great line! Keep up the awesome and creative work!
~katie -
Sophie is a nice name, very fitting for this kitty! I love all animals (well, those with 4 legs or less) but allergies limit me to poodles (and I'd have reptiles too if I could). Anyways, I did like your poem. I'm glad you asked me to critique it!
Sophie
"I woke up ...I close the door, I notice"
The only thing I'd suggest is not changing verb tense- woke is past, and close and notice are present. Just change woke to wake and it'll be consistent. (I have trouble keeping verb tense consistent in my short stories so now I pay more attention to it).
"They seen me" is improper grammar- say "They saw" or "They see" "stared" doesn't need the D if you're writing present tense.
"I left to the car" is awkward phrasing, try "I Went to the car" or something similar.
" nursed it to be healthy." may sound better as "nursed it back to health"
"her bros. and sisters all are envy " I'd suggest writing out "brothers" and they are "envious"
Finally, I would suggest removing the exclamation point before Sophie in both places as it seems awkward.
Despite all these little nitpicky things I've pointed out- it's a lovely poem with a heartwarming story. Nice job!
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this was a pleasure to read for the love you have for that small creature is overwhelming.sophie is a lovely name for a cat.your write is a heartfelt beauty and that's where you find the beauty of it.there is a few grammatical errors but the contents way makes up for them.it has such an innocent quality.
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