A night of evil bloomed in Deeping Mire :
Three witches vied there, keen to prove their stead,
while fear had fed the fervor of their ire,
and overcast dark grievous shadows spread.
Three sisters bent their will on worthy deed,
but bickered hard to pick but one to lead,
as each did know another witch could show
that best she knew which magick spell to throw.
So long at length, three argued in the damp,
and zealous did not deign to think as well
about the common peril midst their camp :
they quarrelled magick wise, but cast no spell.
That night, with cantrip's light, these three could fill,
but dallied, so the darkness three did kill.
Author notes
This poem is a metaphore for partisan politics. It is not meant to say anything about witches.. but about partisan thinking.
technically this sonnet has 2 seperate turns or volta's. And this I tried to reflect in the double change of rhyme scheme.
Notice the rhyme scheme.
Written July 1st, 2005
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Comments
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This is beautiful in true darkness form and amazed in sonnet you protray of the witches here. Kendhal22
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pookie: I am amazed I let that slip. I've always read it as simply 'midst. You are absolutely correct and thank you for pointing it out.
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I liked this story about the witches.. reminded me of the Macbeth play. It is true, when there are too many in charge of a country, there is too much arguing and not enough action. The meter and rhyme are excellent except for one line: "About the common peril amidst their camp". Here, amidst throws you off because you have dum-da da dum. Perhaps, shorten the word to midst, and the line would work.
Thanks for sharing! I, too, enjoy reading sonnets!
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Very shakespeareish! I have to say that it kinda went a bit over my head, but I did thing that it was beautiful and well writen. Thanks for entering my contest
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O.o wow this is a very well thought out poem, its brilliant and good luck in the contest
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beautiful poem love the flow awesome write!
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crystaldust 06-07-05 02:17
Oh, yes, I like this one very much, davidz. You are some doughty sonneteer. Congratulations. Everything about is excellent - rhyme, form, subject, the lot. Great write. -
I'm always conflicted about punctuation and revise that more than anything else. I'll probably do it again before long!
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Very clever. I do admit to missing the metaphor until I read the author's note but then saw it quite clearly so others may well be more alert than I am and get it without a prod. I could comment on the subject but it would be a long and boring ramble so I will just say again...very clever. I am not sure I agree with some of the punctuations but that could just be me. Meter and wording are superbly done. I love sonnets a great deal and this one was a much enjoyed read.
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Hello davidz,
I enjoyed this a lot. Sonnet is my favorite form of poetry and I just learned how to write them three months ago. But I have to admit, they are difficult because of the limited number of syllables and maintaining a certain meter. This is an adorable write, with a great metaphor. I had seen a lot of politics here myself and I don't like it either. Take care! Cheers! Eris -
well reserahced and clever!!!! this is really good, well done
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Perfect!
Hi,
This was absolutely wonderful. The meter was perfection! Sonnets have always been a favorite of mine, as I love the melodic flow of words. This flowed like liquid gold. The very best of luck to you in the contest my friend.
--Johnny -
actually the message was that they died for letting petty jealousy and vanity get in the way of doing what they agreed needed to be done. This is not a comentary of the occult. The 2nd last line makes it clear that the their spell would have worked if only they could agree on who would lead the casting.
This poem is a metaphore/alegory for partisan politics. Perhaps I should change the poem to 2 sisters and it would be more obvious. (but then I would need another picture.
In fact... I think I will try to find one. 2 sisters is much more analagous to american politics. (although I'm not american).
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It slipped my attention last comment that you failed to write in your commented poems but how ever I do remember you commenting so for the reason that i didn't say something earlier I will allow this to stay. Sorry I warned others that had time.
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not the witches 3! AAAAAHHHHH!
Is that really how u spell magic & wiccans r so not dwellers of darkness witches r u fool but still Much Luv & PEACE OUT -
They died for dabbling in the occult and arguing over who should lead, who is the best. A lot of AP'ers need to be careful. High price to pay, it seems. Hopefully it doesn't include us. Enjoyed the write. Entering "Fire And Satin" in your contest. Reads like it may be a tough contest.
Andy -
I admit, "fill" and "killed" are a near-rhyme. But that is technically a kind of rhyme. Does it stick out too much to you?
I know certain near rhymes often sound like rhymes, and other ones really stick out.
It would be trivial to say "three dallied, so the darkness three did kill".... maybe I will say that... I'll think about it.
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Hi, loved this just was not sure on , fill and killed? great use of words and loved the story line, I have only just started writing Sonnets and must admid am getting quite a taste for them, lol, hugs Di
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double double
toil and trouble
fire burn and cauldron bubble! -
I loved the original but this one is fantastic as well. Wonderfully done!
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A very very wonderful poem. So true!!! Isnt it in our day to day life we are like these witches/wizards (for men!!!) trying to lead, be further than anyone else and then just as these witches we die, yeah. A very well written sonnet. Thanks for sharing this. This should be a winner. All the best!
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Hmmm usually many rewrites/sprucers uppers I see get a bit off track from the original, but not yours david! Both are excellent narratives weaving/telling a tale that definitely plucks interest, conveys meanings and purpose and has great strong imagery. So, I like them both! Each as individually as they stand for. (ie Each for a different contest even though they are technically one in the same) Another excellent job and good luck to you in this contest!
~Nikki~ -
Oh this I love. I love the story line and it is very well written, projecting strong images into my mind. And it left me with a lovely little twist at the end too. Great job. Thanks for entering and good luck.
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I really like the new version. But to be honest, I actually liked the first version better. I think it was fabulous the way it was hun. You really are a great talent Either way you decide is good, but I am partial to the first draft. Blessings, Gypsy
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The original version of the poem was written a 2 hour window for a timed contest asking for poems about the picture above.
I've never written a poem about a picture before, not to mention in such a short time frame, so I thought I would try.
For posterity here is the original version for the time being.
Original Contest Version
Three Witches Bent -
Three Witches bent on good and kindly deed,
Did bicker, and debate on who should lead.
For each did know the other one could show
That she was best with magick she could throw.
But shadows flickered 'gainst their little fire :
And feared it did the Darkness of that mire.
For 'cross that mire did Dire Darkness spread
And sense three witches, ( keen to prove their stead);
But gathered they to quibble in the damp
About that grievous Darkness o'er their camp --
Three witches did not seem to think so well :
They argued loud but cast no magick spell.
The Dark -- a Wiccan chant with light could fill :
Three dallied -- so in Darkness, three were killed. -
oh I must say this had a fantastic ending. This is a different approach to the picture from what I have read so far.
Good luck
Natalia -
This is wonderfully done, sometimes I think the on the spot writing make us think harder and formulate more, this piece is no exception. I love the story you have told.
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This is really an awesome on the spot piece, and as AW has said, "I guess now you know you CAN write on the spot!" Awesome job, so very enjoyable to read!
~Nikki~ -
Very well done. This is very impressive and I must say you have done extremely well in the time frame too. So I suppose now you know you CAN write on the spot huh?
Fantastic piece. This contest is getting harder and harder to judge. Very entries, but high caliber competition to be sure. Awesome job on this! Blessings, Gypsy
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thats the best I could come up with in 1 hour or so. This poem was written for a contest about that picture. But it needed to be written in a 2 hour window. So... well... thats what ya get.
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