perfect pyramids.
we melt together under
solsticed sun
You in my mouth
But I under your touch.
Author notes
I was considering naming this Toblerone Tanka but my craving surpasses my mood to write.
random thought:
a friend mentioned to me that today's the midyear...
To FickleFinger and Charishma
Written July 1st, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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well if you didn't mention Toblerone which is also my favorite
this piece is very sensual
though they usually pertain chocolates to sensuality
so it's sensual in a delectable sense
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Reply to Lucky's comment (7July2005)
Thank you so much for your wonderful comment. And thank you extra much for bringing that "We" part up. Also, there's no need to worry about me committing the sacrilegious act of 'sharing'. There are only a few exceptions for that. The 'we' would be the Toblerone and me, as the Toblerone again is mentioned in the second to the last line.
And, yes, thank you for making me recall that advantage of eating chocolate. It does help those broken hearted days, and when one has Seasonal Anxiety Disorder (that's SAD). I did a report on chocolate quite a few terms ago and was delighted on bits like the sugar in chocolate releases serotonin, which is a brain chemical related to a positive sense of well-being. Serotonin helps in the stimulation of the smooth muscles, and regulation of cyclic body processes. The smooth, rich taste of chocolate (and sometimes the fillings -strawberry, please) provides sensory pleasure to the taste buds. In addition, many people use chocolate as a reward and learn to associate the product with positive self-esteem. In spite of its physical properties, chocolate is not a physically addictive food. However, some people may find themselves psychologically addicted to chocolate. I'm guilty of that, thank you very much.
The one thing that slightly saddens me about chocolate is that one shouldn't share its joy with cats and dogs because theobromine, the chemical like caffeine in chocolate, is quite dangerous to them, and even fatal, depending on the dosage. Theobromine cannot be properly processed by the canine and feline systems so the chemical just goes round and round their body, quite unlike for our case. But, of course, there wouldn't be a need to share, is there? Learn something new everyday, don't you?
I would indeed like to hear that other story involving a feather. And yes, chocolate chip pancakes are quite awesome. My younger sister bothers to make them (well, it from one of those two- or three-step pancakes mixes) in the middle of the night.
Cheers, again, ami. -
That's so great I could never write anything like this. Very creative and original idea, I really liked it. Keep it up, this is excellent!!
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great write... toblerone is freakin awesome. very unique style and from but the "WE" in line 2 throws me off.. were you sharing?? that is a sin!! unless you were using the chocolate for what it is truly ment for... aphrodisiac.. or pms? did you know that it is a proven scientific fact that chocolete helps cope with a broken heart.... learn something new everyday don't you? think of me when you find a feather now!! that is another story IM me if you dont know.
love,
lucky ps choc. chip pancakes are also the shit. -
empowering
Reply to Charishma's comment (7?July2005)
Yes! Finally someone who got it! So far you were the only one who commented thoroughly on it! I originally started it as a
tanka but I like this revision much better. When I was editing it, it pretty much looked like a series of chopped up lines,
things that come out for the sake of writing words, not quite aiming to achieve any form, hence the title, 'broken tanka'.
Thank you so much for your lovely comment. Oh, dear. I think my craving's crawling back; cheers, again, ami. -
Sensual
I like it as a short poem, Gwen. But, it's not a tanka dear. The third line does not blend together L1 and L2 and L4 and L5. As a short poem, it's very tantalising and tempting. It's a strange co-incidence that since the last few days I've been craving Toblerone chocolate and you wrote a poem on the same
Also, I stumbled on the "we" in L2. What does it refer to? One could be the chocolate Toblerone, but what is the other?
Thanks for inviting me to read this. I had a horrible day and this quite cheered me up.
Charishma -
huh; thank you so much, Blu. So nice to hear from you again. Clearly I've been 'away' for too long. Cheers, again, ami.
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interesting. enjoyed.
Blu -
Hmm.. This has a unique style. ^_^ it's good to see that off and on, since a poet with their own way of writing sometimes is rare. Good work on this.. usually it's the shorter poems that pack the bigger punches. This is no exception. Nice job, keep it up! Blessed Be.
-Ghostly- -
Good job.
I like the format, and the poem itself is shot, sweet, and to the point. I like it, good job.
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