The heat sticks to us
like a promise
sworn before family and friends,
it sweats commitment
right out of us.
We spread
a red and black checked blanket
under the willow
its branches sway like pendulums
counting off stolen seconds.
The breeze is welcome
like feathered fingertips on bare skin.
The sky pulsates
a frantic drum
it pounds through the heat.
A crow squawks
as the rhythm stops
in a burst of euphoria.
We sit up
to finish off a bottle of Jack.
He disappears into corn stalks
that stand taller than him,
and emerges
tucking his shirt back in.
We roll beside the canal
kicking up dust
like a sullied wedding veil
dragging behind us.
Author notes
This was years ago.
Written July 1st, 2005
A contest entry
- Everything's Random by Mythtress.
300 points, ended October 2, 2005, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Bar Scene (Adult) by Danna Hobart.
300 points, ended September 25, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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forbidden love that is hot and sexy
sounds like my kind of fun
nicely written this one here
Riftkin -
THanks for entering.
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Sexy in a hot, steamy, forbidden love kind of way... I enjoyed the write very much. Thanks for sharing. Good luck in the contest and write on, poet.
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I like this a lot, but think it could use a little more descriptivness to get the idea across more easily. There are some good lines and images here already though.
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This poem is full of images. I could really see them all so vividly. It left me feeling kind of sad, like there was something lost along that canal, something irretrieveable.
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I really like this. It has a story to it that feels real. We all do things we regret, and then again, we all do things we remember fondly.
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There is a very matter of fact way that this is delivered, and yet, it is a very serious subject. It takes a very astute reader to connect all these dots. (and I am not claiming to be one, LOL, because I am only reading what those ahead of me figured out.
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well written
funky, but i'm okay with that. well written, but didn't hold my attention as well as i thought it would. however, i liked how you tied in some stuff about marriage while making it clear it was about two unmarried people. all in all, a very good write
h -
Very good. Told a story, yet still managed to stay poetic. Deffinately managed to hold my attention. Nice work. I like it.
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nice job i love it! i especially like the line "like feathered fingertips on bare skin." it sounds so descriptive and erotic it makes you think of how it would feel! awsome job
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Sounds like broken wedding vows to me, the commitment sweating out of you, the stolen seconds, and the sullied veil dragging behind you. A very interesting scenario. Leaves the reader wondering if it was an affair, or a one time thing, and what led up to it.
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Cornfields!! Gotta love 'em. I like the imagery, and how this makes a person think. Very smooth form, and thanks for bringing back some memories for me.
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i really enjoyed the first stanza
it was like you diddn't know what to expect in the rest of the poem
and it had nice imagery
cuz it's so gentle
great job
-gwen -
Good poem, it doesn't quite flow but it has very nice imagery.
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I can only speak of the form; I didn't much understand the meaning behind the lines. I see in the style of the poem, as product of great creativity. Well done.
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