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Patience

All we need is some
Slumber,
To ride the moon and
Catch tiny star sprinkles
In our hair

Ah…
And all we need is some
Patience

We need to sit up
On the roof
And wait for the heat to
Disappear
And the moon to shine
And bathe the lawn in
Silver tides

We’ll wait for the night
To consume the
Corners and treetops
In shadows…
And the wind to
Whisper the truth
About life…
The truth about us.

Patience will resume
Her throne
As we sit up on that roof
Our hands entwined in Hope
And our eyes glazed with Love,
Fixed on the sky.

Author notes

I changed it a little, just by switching the first and second stanzas is all...flows better maybe?
Written July 1st, 2005

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • The CheshireKat
    August 2, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    oh, patience... how long has it been?

    this is one of the poems where when you read it you're suprised that you haven't read it yet. you're like, "wasn't this poem written long long ago and i've read it a million times? no? hmm. that's odd."


  • klassy lassy
    July 12, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    So pretty, so filled with hope. The shadows give a sense of mystery and discovery to the quest you so easily set forth. This write has such a great sense of expectancy. Almost like an unspoken prayer. But, hey, unspoken prayers get, answered too. 'and bathe the lawn in silver tides' makes me sigh for the beauty. Sounds like a magical summer night.


  • LeftBehindBebe
    July 2, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Awwww, wat a cute poem, seems like a fantasy..i wish I could sit down with patience like that. LOL, this is an fantastic write tho, luv it!
    -Marissa


  • ierra of five
    July 1, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    well it seems you've put some work into this, and it's paid off. maybe getting rid of some of the capitalization could help, though i'm not entirely sure. oh, and the comma after "Love" seems unnecessary. lovely read.

    ~ iof ~
    Edited on Jul 01, 2:26 p.m. because 'of typo'.


  • Whispers79
    July 1, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Sorry,
    Can't tear it apart...I really enjoyed it....very Dreamy...thanks for sharing!
    Tisha

  • StarGazer1221
    July 1, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    another awesome one

    Wow, i loved how it flowed most of all. The wording was perfect i think and the form you used was flawless..i dont think i really have anything to critize, i know that sounds bad, but i could picture the night skies and slumber and it was truelly terrific. Thank you again and never let your pen stop writing. Love ya Jen

1 - 6 of 6