She stole his heart,
from the moment they met.
The way she looked,
he will never forget.
Her hair was long,
dark as a raven's wing.
Her eyes where sad,
as blue as the sea.
She returned his love,
but could not let it show.
For her father the King,
must never know.
Her one true love,
just a lowly knight.
With a heart of gold,
vowed, for her, he'd fight.
They met in secret,
their bond grew with each rendezvous.
Their love for each other,
would always be true.
They made a plan,
to meet in the night.
When at last they'd meet,
they would take flight.
The King of the land,
found proof of this date.
He vowed that he,
would choose her mate.
He sent his soldier,
to ruin their plan.
The soldier he chose,
struck with a deadly hand.
She found him there,
where they were to meet.
He lay bloodied and cold,
on the ground at her feet.
She was so heartbroken,
that most delicate flower.
With a mournful wail,
she flung herself from the tower.
Now they are together,
happy and free.
To love and to hold,
each other with glee.
Her father, the King,
now holds no power.
The lover's walk hand in hand,
through the haunted tower.
Author notes
Written June 30th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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That's really moving, and don't think I've ever read a poem quite like that, you're really talented, good luck!wolf howlxxx
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Why thank you so much!!!
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WOW I REALLY LOVED YOUR POEM GIRL. I LOVE HOW U USE WORDS IN THE WAY U DO. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THIS POEM BROUGHT TEARS TO MY EYES.
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Thank You so much! Your encouragement is very much appreciated!!
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Thank You so much
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Wow! Thank You for your very lovely very encouraging comment and the applause.
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Thank You so very much for your lovely comment.
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Yay! This is beautiful. So I give you my last 7 points. Incredible work
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Excellent!!!
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'She returned his love,
but could not let it show.
For her father the King,
must never know.
Her one true love,
just a lowly knight.'
Thats beautiful. It has excellent rhythm but the thing I really liked is how well it flows when read and also on an emotional level. You can just move so smoothly through the piece drawn into the lover's problems and basically its hard not to just keep reading. Which I did. Fantastic piece, I look forward to reading more.
Cheers
Avian -
Very lovely and very romantic poem. The imagery is just wonderful and does amazing things for the subject. Great write and good luck with the contest!
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Thank You so much for your applause and encouraging comment. It is very much appreciated
Brandy
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Cool poem! I totally loved this, like a poem movie or something, great job.
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this is a very nice poem! There are a few places where the flow and the rhyming are a little off... but otherwise I love it! I also love the story, so sad and romantic.
--jenna -
Thank You so much for your comment!
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I love it! Great imagery! I've always loved love poems....this rocks! I like the Romeo and Juliet kinda feel of it..ya know, the way they both die...but anyways. Awesome poem! Best of luck in the contest!
~Selana -
Thank you so much for the lovely comment!! I am so very glad that you like it!!
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Oh Thank You so much. Your word are very encouraging. I appreciate the applause and the comment.
Brandy
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WOW I LOVE THIS ONE!
excellent imagery
lots of similes -
Thank You for your comment and your advice. I will see whai I can do to fix that. I really appreciate it!
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awsomely written
This is awsomely tragical but in the end justice is served by thier souls being together and haunting the bewitherd king -
Theres so much vivod imagery running full of soul in this picture one that only the truest of hearts to be hold -
You realy know how to cature the imagination - and give it a feast of vibrations.. again awsomely written... -
I like it! good use of imagery! you have a scattered rhyme scheme going on in this..... you might want to try having a steady rhyme scheme... other then that i liekde it nad it was really cute!! lol
-Valerie -
Thank You so much for your kind words on my poem. It is very much appreciated!
Brandy
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I got some very cool images from reading this. The flow is nice and the words fit together well. Nice job
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