The other day i found a lump
i panicked and thought the worst
i hoped it wasn't cancer
i couldn't be that cursed.
i was checking out my bollocks,
as i'd been told to do
as soon as i felt the lump
i instinctively knew.
That the thing i feared most,
was sitting in my groin
it had me like a cat with a mouse
and with my life it was toying.
i had to ring the clinic,
i needed to be sure,
got an appointment that very day
i couldn't wait anymore.
The ordeal felt like hours
as i went through a blood test
result would take a week
i hoped for the best.
Sitting in my bedroom
i finally got the call,
false alarm, its all okay,
i get to keep my ball.
Author notes
Not real, trying to get into the mind of this person, but i couldn't capture all the emotions such as the fear and the hope. This is the best i could manage.
Written June 30th, 2005
A contest entry
- Profound profanity by Barbie.
320 points, ended July 15, 2005, 3 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Yeah, the last line does have a sort of humor to it. The rest didn't make me laugh though. I bet that would be a freaky experience.
I do think stanza three was a little off too and that the word "I" should be capitalized. Actually, it's proper to display poems with the beginning of each line capitalized. -
Okay, this was an interesting read. I laughed when I read this the first time because it has the same story-like quality and rhythm to a lot of jokes - it read to me: 'well, there was this one day, when I was just checking myself, y'know, down there, like my P.E. teacher told me to...'. It also bugged me that you didn't capitalise your 'i's because there didn't seem to be a reason behind not doing this. It does have a good flow and rhyme except in the third stanza where you also twist your syntax and make it sound less natural. I did see the serious side a few reads later though. Barbie. Xx
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Great job at getting the hopefulness! Last line is funny... in a relieved sort of way!
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I'd be laughing if you did take shit seriously.
Can you kinda see my warped sense of humour? That's why this contest is a toughie. Barbie. Xx
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can kinda see what your getting at with the rhymes, guess i can't take shit seriously anymore
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I see what Barbie means, maybe it's the rhyming that makes it humorous for her. But you still got the emotions in there really well, and I thought the last stanza was really good. The last line is kind of a sweet humour, cos of his relief. I don't think Barbie is laughing at the character's unfortunate luck, it's just that it makes her think about balls a lot.
Rosie x -
I know, in the words of my friend: 'Barbie is an insensitive fool', but, seriously, read it through - you'll see why I laughed. Nice idea though - maybe would work without the rhymes. I'll comment properly when the contest is over. Barbie. Xx
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laughing too much?! its about someone having a cancer scare
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Last line is excellent, really excellent, but line 12 needs a bit of twiddling with (as indeed do most bollocks)
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Sorry, I was laughing too much. Try again? Lol, love it though.
Barbie is an insensitive fool, hope this isn't a real life account... -
lol this is .... interesting.. good though lol
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