Binge Part 6

VI.

The two most centered times in my life.
I remember the night my father died. I missed him like any
Twelve year old would. I felt my eyes closing for comfort and
An awakening I was waiting for. I wanted to die. And
Just like when my step-father left as well, I'm still sleeping I think.
I've just kicked the blankets around tonight.

Death had never seemed so bright. I hadn't opened my door for such
unfortunates.

My bed was my haven. The darkness was my world.
I've fallen asleep crying over life. Sometimes I ask for too much when
I tell you not to look. No one saw how it was. No one understand
That suicide wasn't an escape but a different way to see him again.
When you love and lose, you lose everything.
Everything becomes what you always needed but never had.

Time never heals but looks at you wondering why you're waiting for him
to make it all better.

As a child Cops and Robbers is a game of cat and mouse.
As an adult it is a harassment. You're out of breath but you have
To keep running to stay alive. If you stop even for a moment
So much seeps through you, taking something away.
Every second you are dying. Every other second is a chance to live.
Although they steal from us, we are still the ones running to hide.

We are backed against the wall. Option one: Surrender. Option two: Fight
to the death.

Go catch a snowflake on your tongue and think back on childhood.
Never wish to grow up because understanding doesn't come with age.
I am still confused about all I was when I was little. But my
Innocence has been lost to the agony of the world.
I see too much sometimes.
I always inhale exhale just to keep that little heart from faltering.

She stops once in a while. I struggle to breath, but she just wants to
die.