One year has passed; twelve months, with the length
of twelve dark new moons! And still I hear
the roar of the waves crashing
against the rolling rocks; the shrill sound
of the fog horn roaring in the near
distant landscape - or is it the seascape?
Everywhere I turn, I see Nature in all
Her glory and power and fragility.
If I lean to my left side, the vastness
of majestic Atlantic is infinite - one
would believe, could believe, that She endures
forever. Her rising swells surging into the rocks
seem like such an untimely and unnatural end.
How can such devotion to our earth be
ended with just a splash against a rock?
If I lean to my right side, the nearness
of the flora reflects such striving - as
if life were just too hard and survival
a moment to moment effort. Why have the
powerful pines withered and now stand feeble
with brittle bark and little life?
What great cosmic catastrophe could
diminish such greatness? How can
the pines be dead when the wild flower
still blooms in full vibrancy of yellow hue?
This time twelve months ago you,
my dear Jane, lived in limbo between two
worlds. To your left, was the sterile and
friendless nursing home room, barren save for
a few family pictures, a plant or two and
your Bible on the TV stand. Voiceless you
slept while awake. And I would wonder, can you
hear or see me here? To your right, I would
imagine your inner dialogue and hope that
your dreams were pleasant and your conversations
heavenly and enlightened.
So now, as I compose these lines, and think
of the year gone by, I add my thankful prayer that my
Jane is held in God’s loving arms. I know that she
is encompassed in divine power and is forever
held in an ocean of infinite Love. I am thankful that she
is no longer ravaged by disease and disappointment.
I know that like the valiant wild flower growing
stubbornly in the rock, all life can conquer adversity
and defeat death
and I, like my dear Jane, will someday be
reborn in a world much higher than this one.
Hope survives and thrives
as I recapture the dreadful beauty
of the Atlantic seacoast.
Author notes
This poem is inspired by William Wordsworth's "Lines Composed a Few Miles Above Tintern Abbey."
This poem is dedicated to my dear mother-in-law who passed away on May 12, 2005.
The picture is one I took a few years ago in Maine on the Quoddy Lighthouse trail. The "moments" I am trying to capture are the "powerful feelings" I associate with my mother-in-law's long battle with Alzheimer and the power and awesome beauty of nature.
Here are the first 22 lines of the original poem -
FIVE years have past; five summers, with the length
Of five long winters! and again I hear
These waters, rolling from their mountain-springs
With a soft inland murmur.--Once again
Do I behold these steep and lofty cliffs,
That on a wild secluded scene impress
Thoughts of more deep seclusion; and connect
The landscape with the quiet of the sky.
The day is come when I again repose
Here, under this dark sycamore, and view 10
These plots of cottage-ground, these orchard-tufts,
Which at this season, with their unripe fruits,
Are clad in one green hue, and lose themselves
'Mid groves and copses. Once again I see
These hedge-rows, hardly hedge-rows, little lines
Of sportive wood run wild: these pastoral farms,
Green to the very door; and wreaths of smoke
Sent up, in silence, from among the trees!
With some uncertain notice, as might seem
Of vagrant dwellers in the houseless woods, 20
Or of some Hermit's cave, where by his fire
The Hermit sits alone.
You can read the entire poem here -
http://oldpoetry.com/opoem/7339-William-Wordsworth-Lines-Composed-a-Few-Miles-above-Tintern-Abbey
This won first prize in SilverScent's contest "Inspirational Poets" 2/13/06.
This poem won a bronze trophy in Aedara-Wren's Romanticism contest 7/1/05.
Also won honorable mention in Spring Rain's ~ 4 Choices ~ 7/7/05.
This made it to the third and final round in the Elitis HQ contest "A return to Poetry" 7/27/05.
I took this photo myself. Please do not use it without permission.
Written June 28th, 2005
In a list
A contest entry
- Round 1 of 5 : Your Best Piece by Kei-Aira.
300 points, ended September 30, 2006, 77 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - # 11 Roll of the Dice! by poetryality.
525 points, ended May 11, 2007, 12 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Experience and Emotion by Dreams27.
450 points, ended August 24, 2007, 41 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Goodwill for the Bandits... (group members only please) by Max Ritvo.
650 points, ended April 26, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 78 of 78
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I understand well why this one has garnered so many trophies. I know it must have been very difficult to express those deeply held personal feelings in such eloquent fashion as you have done here. I wish you the best of luck in this competion.
Sincerely,
Leo Long
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Very Impressive!
A stunning pen!
Thank you so much for your beautiful entry!
Regards,
DeGraw
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congrats on all the trophy's well written and awesome pic too... good luck in this contest... nice to see you again... or should that be read you again.lol..
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This is a well written poem aand well deserving of the trophy. Congrats on a job well done!
Bandits Rock
Dennis
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Thank you Dennis!
Bandits Rock
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Picture reminds me a bit of the coastline of Nova Scotia in places. Lovely shot. Liked your poem too - congrats on the silver in this contest.
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You manage to grab the narrative strength of Wordsworth, evoking imagery that is clear, simply and meticulously sculpted, and often quite moving:
"barren save for
a few family pictures, a plant or two and
your Bible on the TV stand."
The desperate, morbid, mediocrity of this image is really quite striking- I especially like the invocation of the bible- its got a lot of sting. The foil image, however, came off a bit weak- you were explaining rather than evoking what you want your mother to have and it wasn't as subtle or as moving.
I think this piece could benefit from some tidying up in cadence. There were a couple great alliterations, but I felt like for the word-music didn't live up to the power of the imagery. Wordsworth had a wonderful economy of language- and managed to make such beauty out of so few notes. You have a great economy of language too- but I feel like you're focusing so heavily on getting the idea across and sticking within the parameters of the form (which you do beautifully) that you lose out a little on the syllable-stops, dichotomy of hard and soft sounds, and sentence-flow that makes Wordsworth wonderful.
Thank you for this wonderful piece, I really took great pleasure from it. -
beautiful!! a truly beautiful write!! the metaphor is well expressed!! my mother owns a nursing home and i spent most of my childhood there spending time helping out with all the residents so i understand the part about that very well and it touched me
thank you for this wonderful entry! such beautiful words and also a beautiful image!!
take care! xxxx -
oh hat is really beautiful! Tragic, but beautiful! Thanks for entering, and good luck!
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"How can such devotion to our earth be
ended with just a splash against a rock?"
The metaphor in these lines lends to the reader a question that is almost impossible to answer.
Your poem is touching. I had a grandmother that suffered from Alzheimer's disease. We tired to be her care-givers for two years, then sadly daddy had to place her in a Nursing Home. I relate heavily to these lines;
"my dear Jane, lived in limbo between two
worlds. To your left, was the sterile and
friendless nursing home room, barren save for
a few family pictures, a plant or two and
your Bible on the TV stand. Voiceless you
slept while awake."
I understand and am extremely compassionate with your feelings.
This is an expertly written poem. I can see how it won so many accolades. There are tender, loving lines here poet. This is a perfect example of what I was looking for in a pre-written work here at AP. You have earned a 'finalist' position in this contest.
Please do not IM me or give me return-points for this comment. I would like for you to remain anonymous at this juncture. Thank you for this submission in my challenge. I wish you well in the Comp and in life.
Much Love & Many Blessings ♥
Renee
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A lovely sentimental piece with endearing charm, and a great choice to inspire this. I am sure your mother-in-law would appreciate the dedication of this fine work to her. Well done, best wishes to you.
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thank you very much for entering. whisper
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beautiful and tragic... i'm sorry you have felt the pain of losing a loved one as we all must eventually experience... i am glad though that you found solace in poetry. be strong, for by our loss we understand true value.
good luck in the contest and thanks for entering!
-AC -
Beautiful. I love how you intro with the imagery of a physical place in nature, then bring it to a place of memory and imagery in more than one way.
Thank you. -
beautiful!
Touching and beautifully written ...
Wm. Wordsworth is a wonderful poet to be inspired by..
I am so sorry for your loss and I know that your MOther in law is smiling with pride upon your words!
Lynda -
Ah P.S.
Your title caught my eye. I live in Maine >Mount Desert Island, Bar Harbor I grew up. It is beautiful I agree. -
Yes, Wonderful
Very nice imagery of the coast and alot of feeling as well into this pc. you've written. Best of wishes with this contest.
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I like this poem a lot. Thank you for entering it in my contest.
Good luck and keep writing. -
Excellent portrait of a potent landscape and very good set up to make us ask the larger questions...
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The format of the poem is modeled after Wordsworth wonderful poem Lines Composed a few miles above Tintern Abbey.oldpoetry.com/opoem/7339 I added the stanzas! Thanks for the read. - joanne
Edited on Sep 28, 5:29 p.m. because ''. -
This is a lovely piece and you use a lot of imagery in the poem. The pictures you paint with your words are wonderful and truly inspiring. I really liked reading these descriptions. However, I dislike the line breaks - I found starting a new line mid-sentence very off-putting and that it disrupted the overall feel of the piece. It made it rather difficult to follow the flow.
This is a lovely description, but I don't feel it is presented in a suitable format for the piece.
Thanks for entering the contest, and good luck.
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awesome poem! i hope that you win!
Michelle -
Your poem is beautifully written and the imagery you used takes the reader to the lovely place you speak of...And the dedivation to your Mother in Law made it even more special...Good luck in my contest!...Lynda
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Thank you my friend! - joanne
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Irony really - this has no connection to your poem but I am right now reading 'Stephen King's novel "The Tommyknockers"' and the story mainly takes place in where? - Maine. irony *chuckles* alright, to your piece.
: Gorgeous photo to match a poetic piece of beauty caught in the crashing waves of reality. My favorite line
'How can such devotion to our earth be
ended with just a splash against a rock?'
This really shows me how fragile life really can be and how nature - even in all my magestic power and glory can wash out mysteries with a single wave. You wrote with a story-like quality that adds to this piece rather than taking away from it. I was slow to catch on to the relation between your mother-in-law with the relation to nature. I reread the introduction and then found it much more easilly. Sometimes in these moments of relapsing time we can really find the beauty that we usually overlook. We can see the past now with its glory once more- when, during that time, all we would see was darkness and decay.
Wonderful write I really can see the emotions you speak of in your choice of words and where you want the focus of nature to be in your writing. -
Congratulations on the gold! A very deserved win.
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Congratulations on gold! x
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vwery good
this si beautful. a real tribute to your mother in law. idont believve in god, but maybe she is somewhere and she can see this. if she can then she'd be so touched, and moved. its a wonderful thing you've created. you've mixed together several inspirations and comeup with such a beauftulpoem. you are a very very talented writer, althoughit is not usually my preferred styl;e of poetry. i like darker things with lots of imagery and a bit weird lol. i love the lines:
If I lean to my left side, the vastness
of majestic Atlantic is infinite - one
would believe, could believe, that She endures
forever. Her rising swells surging into the rocks
seem like such an untimely and unnatural end.
How can such devotion to our earth be
ended with just a splash against a rock?
it has a lot of deoth and is very thought provoking. the 'ended' howver could be seen as not really ending at all. it is at the beginning of the line, instead of the end. so maybe the end is just a new beginning? subconsciousle og course.
well anyway,i hope you got your 16 points or however much out of me lol
hugs
jess
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Beautiful, beautiful write! I've never been to Maine, but I could picture everything from your words. Amazing job on this. I'm sure your mother in law is looking down at this with a big smile on her face. What a wonderful tribute. Again, beautiful amazing piece!!!!
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or around there.yay, this caught my eye in the featured. sweeeeet, i love it. especially te picture.
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and that picture..ive been there! i live in ellsworth maine!thats up by acadia!
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HEY I LIVE IN MAINE!!
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Very beautiful words. POWERFUL imagery, well scripted, well thought out. I love the comparisons that you've used all through this. The way it starts is perfect, beautiful. There are several emotions is seems that you have shown throughout this piece, each well versed. Your descriptive pen and the picture go hand in hand and I also enjoyed the author comments. I am so sorry for your loss, the sadness is shown throughout the piece and so is the love for your loved-one.
God bless you. ~Melissa -
this is a wonderful poem. i used to live in maine, and i felt like i was there again, like i could feel the wind and smell the ocean, hear the waves. you brought me back to it all. the meaning of the poem gave it so much depth, wonderful. i'm sorry about your mother-in-law. i'm sure she'd be glad to know that you wrote such a beautiful poem for her. this was absolutely wonderful.
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Clicked on the wrong line - sorry.
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Well written poem, with such depth and imagery that go wo well with the picture you have chosen for this piece. A year to reflect has left you with many feelings that are expressed in these lines.
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Well one is I love how you tributed this brilliant piece of work to your mother-in-law she certainly deserves it. Seconly it flowed very well each line follow in step of the other. The flow was good also like the breeze on a calm day always being in balance. Good write.
God Bless,
Russ` -
Yes....it's my faith that keeps me going. It's been that way ever since I was 6 and my Dad died.
I don't think someone else should have judged your contest. I'm sorry about that but I really appreciate you reading and commenting on my poem. Blessings and peace. - joanne -
Very nice! Sorry I didn't get to judge it or anything. In fact, I didn't get to judge anything, somebody else stepped in. I don't know, does that happen alot?
Back to the poem, the ending got me sad and at the same time hopeful. I'm struggling with faith right now, and it's people like you who believe with all their hearts that when they die they'll be in heaven that make me feel a little bit more hopeful again. Great write! -
I think this piece was beautiful, because it turned my feelings into so many different directions, allowing me to associate this with not only your mother-in-law and the trail that you were on when you took the photo, but also my own life and the struggles I have been through.
It's one thing to just like a poem, but to actually feel like part of you was written into it, now that is beautiful.
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Wow. This is one beautiful poem. Your imagery and word usage really showed the readers fantastic pictures, while feeling the soul with love. Each line seemed to be more beautiful than the last. I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
Miseria -
Maine is a place I would like to visit one day it's stunning, this poem is touching and also old style which is quite nice in ways, now I have a short attention span, I don't do big stanza's lol so for me I would of preferred it more space out, reasons being, personal again I like to read a snipet, imagine, involve enjoy and move on kinda like being in an art gallery, so for me it's like looking a a huge oil painting and just not seeing it all and getting frustrated and moving on anyway that's me it's lobely the pictures lovely and good luck!
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Very nice write. I can hear the waves crashing the coast line. It has such a rugged beauty, the Northern Atlantic coast. My sympathies for your loss.
~Dee -
Magnificent!
Magnificent. You have captured the essence of the rugged, but beautiful seacoast of Maine. And the metaphor of your mother-in-law's valiant struggle and a delicate flower's fight for survival against the elements and the unyielding Atlantic surf was extremely touching. Just perfect! -
This is really cool! I love the metaphor and imagery! Good luck and thanks for entering my contest!
God bless,
Spring Rain -
Your poems are so great, god is good.
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As I started itself.. i guess it was the style of wordsworth and i would have.. even i f u have not mentioned me.. So.. that takes u credit.. But.. a simple suggestion to u.. a lot.. a lot.. more slight.. very slight variations need to be considered.. to even adopt his style.. u culd read a couple of his poems.. and u wuld know them by yourself.. main thing, is the way he addresses.. and the description he uses, if he is involving a human into poetry... I would best suggest u read.. "Lucy Poems" by wordsworth... They r a bunch of real classrooms ..
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Hi my friend congratulations on your trophy, a truely lovely write, a very big hug Di
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This is a truly beautiful poem. I'm not sure what else to say that hasnt already been said. Beautiful. I also enjoyed reading your testimony, God always finds a way to work within us. God bless - Teresa
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I would say that this is near perfect. Yes, it captures the spirit of the romantics. I love it.
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Hi Steve...I looked at each point you made and edited the poem accordingly. What do you think? Especially about the title. The original title was just an allusion to Wordsworth's "Lines Composed Above tintern Abby." I think this is better though and still captures the spirit of the Romantics.
God bless you abundantly!-joanne
Edited on Jul 01, 10:05 because ''. -
Excellent write. Your cheering section has covered everything, so I'll just leave it at that.
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This is a beautiful piece. One of my favorites all day. Keep sharing.
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This is spectacular! I really enjoyed the imagery portrayed throughout the entire poem! The emotions and expressions that you put into this are beautiful! Great great job.
Molly -
Wonderful critique. i will revisit the points you have made. Thank you all so much. I love specific honest feedback. It is a blessing. - God bless you - joanne
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My friend, your thought is beautiful, and your poetry is certainly moving. If you don't mind, I want to comment on a few things because this work is so beautiful, but I found a couple of distractions in reading it.
First, I almost didn't click on it because if the title. I'm very glad I did click on it, but the title didn't lure me in, and didn't give me any idea of the beauty you had put within your work. Unfortunately I don't have a good suggestion, but thought maybe you would like to think about it.
Second, I can't assign meaning to a foghorn bleating. Bleating is usually the sound of a sheep, or else a whiny complaint. I would think more of a foghorn blaring, blasting, roaring, or some other loud, annoying verb.
The last comment I would offer: "lived lodged" is really redundant. I think "lodged" is all you really need in that sentence.
Your expression is absolutely beautiful. I agree that Jane is now in God's arms and in His care. I can hear your grief, and the comfort you find in knowing where she is in your words. Your poem is beautiful. -
BEAUTIFUL!!! one of the most amazing poems i have ever read. wonderful imagry and brilliant descriptions.. i really love this. you are very, very talented. i liked especially
"If I lean to my right side, the nearness
of the flora reflects such striving - as
if life were just too hard and survival
a moment to moment effort." -
Great write. I think you did an excellent job of capturing the "moments ofpowerful powerful feelings" as you put it. Great job.
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This is a good poem. I like the way it seems storylike but written in poem form. I think you did a marvellous job. You kept me interested throughout the poem, and I don't usually like long poems or stories, but yours is great. Thanks for the delightful read. Keep up the good work and good luck in the contest
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You are so kind and so wonderfully supportive. I had forgotten about your Mother-in-law. We seem to share so much in common. Thank you for this wonderful critique but thank you even more for your friendship. I love it when God connects you with just the right person. He even uses the internet!!! Love and hugs, joanne
Edited on Jun 29, 10:17 because ''. -
Beautiful, Joanne-I'm speechless. You can put things into words in the most beautiful way. I admire your talent. You know my mother in law's name was Jane, as well. She lived with us her last few years and I could relate to so many of the things you described...she always had her Bible within reach and then in those last days, she too was sleeping with her eyes open and I wondered what memory was being replayed in her mind.
This qualifies as a masterpiece in my book. ~vj -
Woot! Fantastic Piece!
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I love Wordsworth and i can say that u have come close to imitating him! keep up the good work.
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Beautifully written and a proud immulation of romanticist spirit. It read more like prose, an excerpt from a romantic novel perhaps, than poetry. But then, where is the line distinguished, you have blurred it!!! Excellent write...
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This is a beautifully written poem in the spirit of Tintern Abbey ... the master would be proud
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wow this was about the most amazing thing ive read in a long time. very great job describing nature and all its beauty and comparing it to a human life which is also very fragile but will be safe in the after life.. very very good. Keep on writing
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This is really great...I like it a lot!
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Hey Lord, the format alone in this poem deserves a pat on the back! But your imagery is what made it really special for me. You truly managed to paint a picture in my mind, a vivid one with the lines... "To your left, was the sterile and
friendless nursing home room, barren save for
a few family pictures, a plant or two and
your Bible on the TV stand. Voiceless you
slept while awake." It's amazing. And I like your attempt to be like Wordsworth! Be proud of this one mate. I'd be honoured if you'd look at one of my poems, too. Amazing write! *silver -
good
this great! i agree with HE is all I need indeed u captured every thing just right keep up the good work! may she rest in peace
alisha -
this was a touching piece. very good.
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This was really well written...I mean wow. The descriptions in the poem matched the visual in the picture so well. I'm sure it is a very hard subject for you to write about but you did such a lovely job on it. I especialy liked the last two stanzas.
May she rest in peace.
-Skyelle -
This is a lovely write. I would say: Well done!
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wonderful
wonderfuly written- i love it
and to me everything is just right
i'm sorry that your mother-in-law died
i'm sure she'd love this
cause i know i do
praying for u always
~Alexia~
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well I don't know about sounding like wordworth (well I know Wordworth obviously but I haven't decided on the sounding like it)_ but this is still a good romanticist poem, with a few modern twists, its got the wildness of nature and the emotions, basically its very good Dara
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that was a teriffic poem. I think you captured everything just right. You are very talented.
God Bless you Buddy
Ashley
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