train;
the world banks past in lines
of houses neat as piled
towels, death row teacups
while we measure time
in proper nouns and lies
about how long
we plan to stay. Ten
guest bedrooms later;
the same old traps,
the same torn sheets
are folded in the
evening- always
you leave behind
the orchid smiles,
the fleeting seams-
north is not closer
to God.
Author notes
the punctuation is um. in progress.
Written June 27th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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*bows*
north is not closer to god. oh man. it's like when little kids think that if they dig too deep in the backyard they'll hit hell. and you try to explain that it's more a concept really, which just takes you to all kinds of places you don't want to go. and sometimes i wonder who came up with these things, down being bad, up being good. white being good, black not. white is such a sad and lonely colour and black is so soft and warm and comfortable. it's odd. this was gorgeous anyway, sorry about my tangent. you're brilliant and i can't say anything about your work, so i end up talking about everything else, because i feel like there should be something to say. -
Your stuff hits me in this - BAM... Bam... BAM... - pattern and although I prepare for it, it's always slightly breath taking. It makes me remember how crazy life is, and how sometimes if you bundle it up in the right words, everything becomes a little easier to handle. This is so beautiful.
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Chuckles, as a born and bred Yorkshireman, I can confirm North is not closer to God, it's just closer to slag heaps and coal mining towns with bugger all to do now the pits are closed!!
I loved the imagery in this, I have trundled along past many places like this, wondering what goes on in those souless little houses along the way, wondering if behind the drab exterior, warm family hearts still beat.....or are they all washed out and grey like the houses? There is something a little sinister bout train tracks too....... the feeling of being railed to only go that one way, no alternatives, no control..... a lot like life!
Well written thank you for sharing -
This is running away.. The little rows of houses you leave behind on either side, the stains you sustain along the way.
Those little rows of houses, by the way; the image of which is planted so firmly and so intricately in the reader's mind. Lovely metaphoric image.
This, like the title is vast, and so finely pixilated.
~Ody~ -
Amazing! I just love coming across a really good poem and the way it makes you feel...full in a way. This is really good. It had a lot of interesting imagery and word play. Good stuff.
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One day when I grow up I want to write poetry like you do
The sentiment somewhat reminiscent of Pink Floyd's Time - ' hanging on in quiet desperation is the english way'...
Enjoyed immensely.
~ Sonia ~ X -
Seriously, its POETRY!
I love poetry which reflects a kind of stand-offishness. You seem to be quite an objective observer -- made me grin a few times.
See:
And: I think you've said it all in such a stiff-upperlip way Hahahahahahaha It is the first time I am laughing today. Congratulations -- you've done it.
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GAH. wow. "orchid smiles" .... "north isn't closer to God." GAH! off to go an read more of your poems now. reeeeeally reeeeeallly GAH.
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i really love your writing, as i've had you on my friends for a while. i really loved this as well.
it flowed effortlessly and the diction was perfect!
the last line was great. caught me off guard but in a "WOW" way. Great stuff!! -
great
as always ..... astounding, amazing, evocative ! oh hun you know the drill- once again I am bereft of words! -
oh the british are wonderful.
we are an entire nation dedicated to mediocrity
thank you for visiting my humble pages btw
it is greatly appreciated. -
Kind of turns the collar, don't it? Love the Brits - well, the good ones...
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misery and motorway bypasses and rain and chips.
mostly chips.
it's a british thing...
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Razor shortcake and cream...
Like a passenger on timeless tracks, as if having been whisked away into the silence of an endless rhyme were far enough away, your latitude crosses over the imperial expanse, swaying the tendencies that dance between never and the eternal. So, what is closer to God? ~ EZB -
actually do not change the punctuation. the poem woks wonderfully as it is,and the jumbled punctuation works FOR the poem not against it.
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Loved this! Especially the "death row teacups"
North is no closer to God- traveling home?
You have shot back into this sight with some marvelous works. I'm jealous but appreciative because the reading as of late has been terrific on this end. Keep it coming! I love your new poems...is this what was hiding behind law books? Shame. Glad they are out for everyone to read!
LOVE THIS!
Edited on Jun 27, 8:50 p.m. because 'spelling error'. -
WOW, okay, that is the best I can do right now I am wow'ed here...I love love love it! I am going to come up with a better comment after it sinks in. This is possibly the best of yours I've read thus far.
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no north is no nearer to god ~
and I am glad...
and as for the proper nouns ~ fuck em all I say oops! I swore for the first time in a comment lol!
sorry ...feeling particularly bolshie right now
but your poem kicks ass
good to see you posting ...
take care x
elaine
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