i line my eyes
with the turquoise passion
of barefoot Indians
i am weighted by the
sickening sweet
moon
waning in your eyes
there is a longing
for lust on display
to beat out the rhythms
of the dreamers
caught
astray...
Author notes
another attempt
Written June 24th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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The words were flawless, and I absouletly loved the layout.
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Lovely piece. It has wonderful flow and the movement of the words is amazing. "for lust on display/to beat out the rhythms/
of the dreamers/caught/astray..." This was my favorite bit. It is very pleasing on the tongue, and to the eyes.
~Rhiannon~
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wonderful job. this is fucking perfect let me tell you.
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Very concise piece. The formatting reflects the emotional quality well. It doesn't intrude upon the piece either. It has a nice effect, but isn't smashing it over our heads (to be metaphorical about it). I disagree with the above though. It's not terribly different, or unique. Many have done the same. BUT...you have implemented it well. But that's enough about formatting. Very good use of vocabulary...very sophisticated. There's a wonderful flow here too, which is very important (sometimes) in such concise poetry. All in all, a very impressive little piece.
Cheers,
Yossarian -
i agree... this is great. the change in font makes the whole thing seeem.... i dunno the words to use...!
great job, the words were captivating! -
The format here is very different and unique. I like what I see it. It is not only pleasing to the mind, but the eyes as well.
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1 - 6 of 6
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