Ripping fills the chamber
Sorrow fills my heart
For now I have to kill her
I must cut her apart
Limbs fall useless
They hit the ground with a smack
The blood is endless
As I renew my attack
Her mouth is open
Her eyes wide
So as it happens
She sees what I tried to hide
Her screaming shoves me over
This edge I try to grasp
But I know what befalls her
I saved this until the last
One more time I kiss her
Then place her in a grave
She struggles against me
I feel this pain I create
For not long after
The struggle stops
And I close the lid
On the unmarked box
Author notes
I do
Written June 24th, 2005
A contest entry
- Deep, Dark, and Dreary by StormGoddess.
300 points, ended July 13, 2006, 20 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - We'll die with the same knife... by xblakxrosexremainsx.
475 points, ended December 26, 2007, 17 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything goes by Angel Of Heaven99.
345 points, ended March 7, 2008, 45 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark Lullabys by Redrusty66.
390 points, ended March 15, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark Contest by Angelic Princess21.
550 points, ended March 18, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark, Sad, Love, Loss, Suprise Me. by MrsJones.
350 points, ended March 21, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - My First break my contest cherry! by thenorthernstar.
400 points, ended May 25, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - anything dark by XxemohatexX.
450 points, ended August 4, 2008, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I want dark, I want pain, infect me! by Meroza.
600 points, ended August 13, 2008, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dead Inside by XxSuicidal-LovexX.
1500 points, ended August 9, 2008, 43 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~*~QUICKIE~*~ For Dark Poetry by thenorthernstar.
447 points, ended May 25, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites Contest by tears.of.silence.
1000 points, ended April 18, 407 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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you've done a great job with this poem. excellent work with the flow. I give you a 20 for this poem as well. You've made a total of 80 points. Thanks for entering the contest and best of luckt you. Kahy
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Oooh, I can feel the darkness from this one. Well written!
Best of luck -
very dar and very brutal! I absolutly love this poem you are one of the best poets I know by the way you never stop amazing me! I'm adding you to the finalist list thanks for entering!
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Finally! something dealing with death or murder that doesn't suck! Not too terrifying though which makes me like it even more, and nice rhyming too. Rather dark, fits pretty much all of my criteria, and even some added i think. Best of luck, and great poem.
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i had to read this more tan once but thta is a good thing this is a great dsark poem good work
good luck
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wow gurl you blow me away yet again
you rock
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Extremely dark, and I myself have written many like this mostly out of my anger. This is dark twisted and sends shivers up your spine. Great write, thanks for entering!
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this is a very dark write. i want to thank you for entering my contest. and want to wish you good luck.
~Angelic Princess~
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Ummm, what a flawless dark write. Such depths of terror without too much gore. Great flow and schemes. Scary kind of dark imgery. The final line is so "Final". It illustrates the "another victim, just another number" ideal perfectly.
Thanks much for the read. -
very dark and kind creepy but very creative. The rhyme and flow was very good. Thanks for entering and good luck in my contest!
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Very creative, well penned! Best of luck with it in the contest
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Wow! This is a great write... It flows and ryhmes perfectly. Fantastic job.
Good luck in the contest!!
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Breathetaking!
This poem is completely amazing!
The flow and rhymes are breathetaking!
I loved the entire it, it's basicly perfect!
it shows all I asked, insane and demented!
5 stars you're wonderful writer.
Couldn't ask for it to be even tighter!
Casey. -
LOL, well I must say this one was a bit darker than the wrong one you entered before. And I like this. Got a good rhythm going with it, and the lines just flowed. Love that last line.
Excellent work. Thanks and good luck
Storm -
Congratulations
Merry meet,
Congratulations on winning sixth place.
Amythest
(I'm late in checking my contests I've entered) -
This is a REALLY great poem...just the sort of thing I was looking for. I like how you exemplify this side to human nature that is so often ignored or demonized. Very good poem, incredible read, keep quilling.
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I meant it to have the feel of a killer disconnected to his senses how kills with out filling and is numb. Clinical Psychology has shown that many murders have similar experiences while they commit the murder, then only feel remorse after the murder as done. I guess not everyone is as interested in studying their subject before actually writing their poems. I make it a habit to know as much as possible before I write. Human nature is my most favorite subject, especially when the nature turns dark.
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Well, that was certainly dark ^^.
Great flow, great sceme, great idea-but it's lacking emotion.
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good job
Wow this really gets to me very good and darksided just the way I like it. -
I really liked the unmarked box. It's quite fasinating! This was a really great piece!! Thanks so much for entering my contest!! Best of luck to you in it,
.::Hannah::. -
No Im sorry I didnt... Hmmm well I will make an edit to the contest (uh-gen) and I would say... Hmmm...3 at the most
Are you going to enter more? I hope so I love your writing.
(sorry Im in a good moddish)
~Cassie~ -
ty I love dark writes how many can I enter?
You didn't say did you?
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*Shudders* oh gosh that freaked me out..I loved how nit just made me jump out of my skin! you have a great talent!! wow good job!! I have the chills, goosebumps up and down my arms. Great write!!!!!!!!!
~Cassie~ -
Limbs love.
And bloody brilliant!
You deserve gold!
ConGRATS!!!
patricia -
I think you meant limbs..not limps....this is a great write..it's no wonder why you won gold. I love the way you make it personal..with the kiss..and then impersonal at the end by putting her in an unmarked box...congratulations on getting gold.
~Tricia 
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I don't think I've ever read a poem in the P.O.V of a killer, at least when he is commiting the ACTUAL crime. This was dark, yet simple which made it so terrifying. That last stanza really left me gasping, yelling out "OMG OMG!!" You did a truly amazing job and thanx so much for entering my contest.
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This poem has fantastic imagry, one of the most descriptive pieces I've read in a while. You really did a great job with this and I love it. And I love the picture you added with it, lol, that's awesome. Thank you SO much for entering this into my contest.
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