These proudly burning eyes blink wide and stare;
Vast wells of sadness, passion, pain, and strife
That bare a veil of malice over tears
To sear black sordid tales hard over life.
For long has languished love beneath this soul,
And wore it raw with nerve so hard abused
That love could barely burn half-bright as coal,
But hate -- this heart so fettered can't refuse.
How damned, the fury hankers for release --
The dire insistence on revenge too grave
With rage; it claims to angrily appease
And harken to the craven whims I have.
I would then, though but mortal, deign to be
So fairly suited to a Demoness, like thee.
Author notes
[English Sonnet]
Written June 24th, 2005
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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wow. this is amazing. i really think you have a talent for writing keep it up and good luck.
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Time to turn this into a proper sonnet I think.
I wrote this version in June 2005:
Forgotten virtues cry in weary shame;
Swells vast the sadness, passion, pain and strife:
Dark beacons blazing, race to hold bright flame,
And sear black sordid tales hard o'er my life.
These proudly burning eyes blink wide and stare -
Intentions highly proper from the start -
Beneath a veil of malice linger tears;
Despair and sorrow cascade through my heart.
But damned does fury hanker for release -
With grave and dire insistence on revenge -
That rage draws me to angrily appease,
And harken to these craven whims I have.
So long has languished love beneath this soul,
And bore it raw with nerve so hard abused
That love could barely burn half-bright as coal,
But hate, my heart so fettered can't refuse.
Would I then, though mortal, deign to be
So fair suited to a demoness like thee.
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Well very nice work for your first sonnet. Even though you wrote it as 4 instead of 3 that is ok it is just your own now but if you wanted to call it an English one of course it would be 3. You would enjoy making up your own form of writing trust me
, if you have let me know so I can read.
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Ladymidnight: I'll admit since I could not enter anyway, I did not scrutinize your rules (but I thought it would go). I am glad you liked it in any event. I wrote it one day when I was feeling angry at someone who shall not be named. Cheers! and thanks for the applauds. I need the points.
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i really like this!
it doesnt excactly go with my contest,but i am glad you sent me the link.
it has alot of feeling and its very dark.
great job.
i will have to read some more of your stuff -
this is a very solid written piece you have here with great rtythm and pace with nice imagary you did quite well ith this
love and light
blaze -
I have to admit that I too am not a big fan of dark and angsty but darn if someone doesn't manage to come along and surprise me with something of great quality to make me rethink my stand now and again. You did a fabulous job here. Good luck in the contest and thanks for the great read!
♥ Kimberly -
If you wish the solace of the dark, all you must do is wait.
I am near
Legion Mesmer -
Nice write you have here. I enjoyed the flow of the piece. It kept my attention through out the read.
~Dee -
Absolutely excellent. You are a very good writer with great talent and imagery. your poems are very vivid and sometimes chilling. Great work. loved it.
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wow. I love the last two lines.
I also love the old english style of writing, which you are very capable of.
I would like to hear more from you.
Wampyr -
Normally I give up on dark, angst poems after a couple of verses but this has a consistency that held me through to the end. It was sprinkled with the literary devices that I enjoy. The rhyme and aliteration as well as the very structure of the piece.
Occasionally it seemed to go too far Eg the second line could survive without vast "Swell the sadness, passion, pain and strife"
Occasionally the word order appears, to me, to be twisted to aid the aliteration and mars the flow "languished love" instead of "love languished" "barely burn" instead of "burn barely".
It is all a matter of preference mine is slightly different.
What is clear is the vivid description and the rich choice of words which enable me to read and re-read this poem.
Thank you for sharing.
Jim S
Edited on Jul 10, 4:16 because ''. -
This dark flow is amazing. I loved this poem. Thank you so much for entering it and gracing me with your words.
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awesome
You chose your words so well for this poem everything pulls together so well and the ending is perfect.
You are an amazing writer keep these poems coming. -
I thought this was an amazazing write. Your words were so captivating, they drew the reader right in. The emotional feel of this piece was clearly astonishing, you wrote your words down perfectly letting the reader feel exactly what you are at the moment in time written. Your flow was perfect, and honestly this whole write left me speechless. I hope to read more from you soon, you're very talented writer. Keep writing, -Heather
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