Hey, I got freedom of speech, you know?
The Constitution tells me so!
Anything I want to write
I claim as my God-given right.
No one can give me any lip
Or I will scream out CENSORSHIP!
'Cause I got freedom of speech, you know?
The Constitution tells me so.
Cut off my hands I'll use my toes.
If they decide to cut off those
I'll use my mouth to hold the pen
And write my thoughts down once again.
They come to sew my two lips shut?
I'll shove a pencil up my butt
And wiggle out my words of wit
Even when they smell like #%#%!
No one can censor what I write
Unless they want a bloody fight.
This man has got the right to choose
Whatever words I want to use
And I demand that you respect
Whatever topic I select
'Cause I got freedom of speech, you know?
The Constitution tells me so.
So I wrote down some verses mean
And sent them to a magazine.
"Print these!", I said, "..and don't delay.
I'll check the pages every day.
Don't try to tell me that you can't
Unless you want to hear me rant
'Cause I got freedom of speech, you know?
The founding fathers tell me so!"
"Yeah, you got freedom of speech", they said
"..and you can have your poems read.
Hand them out as birthday treats,
Pass them out on city streets,
Nail them to poles and trees,
Have them carried by the breeze,
Get a billboard ten feet high
So folks can read them passing by..."
"But these cruel lines will not be seen
By readers of this magazine.
We have the right to pick and choose
Things we'll accept or just refuse.
Write what you want but don't expect
Our owner to grant you respect.
We have the right to tell you no
The Constitution tells us so."
So I went to the Daily News,
Screamed, "Print this now and don't refuse!!!"
"I want it on a feature page!!
Don't make me throw a fit of rage.
I buy your paper every day,
The customer should have his way
'Cause I got freedom of speech, you know?
The Constitution tells me so!"
The Daily News called me insane
And said their rules were very plain.
No foul-mouth, racial words of rage
Would ever grace a single page.
Although I have the right to write it
They had the right to not highlight it.
I need to find a way to strip
Them of their rules of censorship!
So then I formed a protest group,
Called up the News, said, "Here's the scoop!
You have to print out our demands
And how we suffer at your hands.
We'll call you all four-letter names
And ridicule your foolish games.
You'll print it all - you have no choice.
The Bill of Rights protects our voice!"
So did they do it? Not a chance.
We got a swift kick in the pants.
It just ain't fair, this travesty
Of constitutionality.
We have the right to write, no doubt,
But we can't make them print it out!!
We only have one final bet,
We'll try it on the internet!!!!
Author notes
Just a humor piece, folks, about the times we live in. 
Written June 24th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
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LOL yeah freedom of speech..umm the internet ?? eh i'm not so sure about having freedom of speech on the net
lol this was really well done, and your point made well. lol it made me laugh 
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Thank you, Doll! Sorry I'm so late in getting back to you...power has been off for 10 days from the hurricane. Glad you enjoyed the poem.
As far as the line you question, it's just a matter of region, I suppose. I'm from the South. In the south "nail" has two syllables so, to me, the line reads na-il them to poles and trees. I can see where, if you were to consider 'nail' as being a one-syllable word, another syllable somewhere would be required to maintain the rythym of the line and your suggestion would be excellent. Thank you for bringing it up - it's an excellent question
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Oh dear... so very true! I thoroughly enjoyed this! I came across one line that I got caught up on while reading it..
"Nail them to poles and trees,"
It has a different syllable count than the others. Maybe try using 'Nail them to the poles and trees," ? Just a suggestion *smiles* This is an amazing poem... Haven't laughed this hard in a very long time!! Thank you so much for sharing this!
~Amy
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You picked out one of my favorite lines Thank you for your comments on poems...I appreciate it
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Kudos
"Although I have the right to write it
They had the right to not highlight it." Freedom of Speech ?!?!?!?!?!?!
by Balladeer heehee wonderful was it all
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Glad it gave you a smile, miss. Thanks for reading
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Lmao! That is hilarious. I loved it! Kept me laughing all the way through it
Lust -
The picture sure wraps up his fate here. Poor guy. Poor us! One can only laugh.
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Thank you s much for reading and enjoying....peace to you!
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this was one of the funniest things i have ever read! well done
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Heehee. This made me smile. Really good job and I like the rhyming. none of it souds forced. Awsome job and keep up the good work.
tears
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You are very welcome, friend.
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No, i have not read that but now that you have sparked my curiosity, I'll look for it. I thank you for the read and comment...
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Have you read Vaclav Havel's "Living in Truth"? It is very interesting. I would be interested to know how your critique of human rights applies to Europe.
Anyway, I have a friend called Bernard who has worked on the Northern England club circuit for many years: I think he will love this poem. Thank you for sharing, Sir. -
Ah, what can I say?
Jenn -
Thank you, Renee! Yes, that is a ridiculous example you pointed out for sure and i don't understand that type of person either - but they do exist, unfortunately. I'm glad you enjoyed the humor in this little offering....your comments are always special to me. Be well, my collaboratin' friend!
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My Dear Friend,
This is hillarious and certainly lets us know that ALL speech should not be free. Of course there is always that dreaded act of writing what we feel even, when we feel rotten. LOL I love the humor in this. I resently read somewhere that someone wanted to publish a terriost theory of poisioning the milk we drink. The magazine owners blatantly said NO! Now why someone would want to write a way to poision children is beyond me, and I agree with the Editor in this case. There is always the exception to the rule. Great work, you are indeed the Ballad maker my friend. BRAVO! Job well done!
Renee
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Thank you, gypsy! Frame it? It's here on the internet for the whole world to see....can't get better than that!
Glad you like it
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This is fantastic! And it is all so true! I love the humorous approach to it, but it really does speak volumes on society as well. Great structure and flow here too. You should frame this, it's a masterpiece hun! I love it! Blessings, Gypsy
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Thank you, SNS! Go ahead and show it to them...that's what free speech is all about, right?
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ROTFLMFAO! This is just too funny! I love it! I know a few people that I would love to show this to, but I think they might get offended, so I'll pass on that idea. This is so true. It's sad how people will act when they don't get their way. Thanx for such an entertaining yet so true poem.
SweetNSassy
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Thanks for the encouragement. I still write in my online journal on a daily basis but I haven't been doing much in the way of creative writing lately. I'm trying to get back into it though. And you're right, the point is to write something that I'm happy with. But it sure doesn't hurt to have something that other people like as well.
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ok, I give up....where did I rhyme a word with itself? (and that's ironic, not iranic
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You did it again, such a wonderful poem, but you can't rhyme a word with itself, oh well. Me likes. I also found it iranic that you talk about freedom of speech and all that and you still do the %$#^ thing.
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Every writer goes through those times, riley, and the only solution is to just keep writing and writing until you get through it and your work gets to looking better to you. After all, YOU are the only person your words have to satisfy, in the long run.
Write on!!!
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Actually... I bet they would. Its why I live where I live dawlin.
No place on earth like The Methow Valley. Mountains... mountains everywhere... even on my chest. Oh... geesh... wonder where that came from? Thanks for thinking of me sweet thang. I couldn't resist when I saw your name in the featured box as it was... but then when I saw the title... I could not control my pointer finger in the least. I was hoping it would be Politically Un-corrupt. Just as I like um... but it your write was so much more than even I expected. KUDOS... I have just submitted it to the Newspaper and... hey... wanna wager dude? -
LOL! Good question, Rose! I doubt it. Everytime I see your name I go to visit that wonderful website of yours....nice to see you!
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Your reply is a wonderful piece of poetry in itself! Thanks so much for your thoughts...
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Heartfelt thanks here, Eric. Of all opinions I value on this site, yours tops the list. I'm very pleased you find it worthy. Best to ya,,,
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Ah, catz, my kind and gentle friend,
I understand your thoughts
Not easy holding feelings back
Because of all those "oughts"!
Someday i'm sure you'll let it out
And let emotions fly.
When that day finally comes to pass
Remember - I'm your guy!!!!
Thanks for having fun with it, my friend
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I'll never be a politician..
That would be a trip!
I'd rather be a Wyatt Earp
And shoot straight from the hip.
I'll never like the color gray.
Somehow it don't look right.
Life's simpler when viewing things
As either black or white.
Nope, got no respect for politicians
Don't even wanna be 'em.
I'd rather be a simple guy
Calling things the way i see 'em!!
Thank you, von
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I saw this on the featured list and was disappointed when I couldn't find it there any more but I really wanted to read it, so I googled it and found it here. I'm glad I did, this is a great poem.
I thought it would have been about something else, but I was plesantly surprised. For me, the freedom of expression is working the other way. I just feel like I'm dead in the water lately when it comes to inspiration. I'm not sure if it's because there are things I want to write about but don't know how, or because there are things I want to write about but don't think I should. I suppose that's the irony for me; I might be suppressing my own poetry without even trying to do it. I keep trying to write poetry, but it turns out so much worse than the poems that I used to be able to write. My latest one is an example of a poem I thought would be okay, but ended up sucking.
Ah well. I guess we can't write well all the time. -
Awesome job. I'm impressed with the rhyme and the meter. You did a fantastic job. Lots of humor, but still more truth. Great job. Keep it up.
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Woo! Lmao!!!! I love your silly rhymes as they fiddle with the exquisite words you used in this... masterpiece!! I personally don't believe in freedom of speech after an experience somewhat like your funny one... they say it but they don't mean it! Hahaha... this made me laugh out loud!! AWESOME...
Keep it up!
--Trillian -
I really liked the pace of this- very amusing and excellently put together
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Hehe... I really liked this poem. You've captured the constitution pretty well, and made it funny too. Now... if my 10th grade English teach had seent his he'd blow a fuse. lmao The guy couldn't tolerate me saying that my work was crap... Gods. So that's another reason why I really like this poem. It speaks of freedom of expression as well. Great job with that. I am proud of you for realizing this.
~Saknika -
Nice rhyming!
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Very good! I loved this funny stuff.Written metered rant.Looks like the internet has taken the place of a soap box in the park.
Loved it! Suseann -
HAHA! i like it alot, and it's extremely true, yet sad. Newspapers won't print anything now that ridicules the president or his policies, something has to be done to change that. Great piece, and keep up the good work.
~Deamon~ -
hehe
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TOO TOO COOL and one would be hard pressed to find a more balanced piece. LOL... Bravo dawlin... I seriously doubt it could have been said any better. I wonder if our news paper would print it?
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Excellent tongue-in-cheek!! Worthy of a word
Brava I love the tongue-in-cheek format ... it becomes the humor in with that delivers... words to ponder thoughts to devour... for in truth there is wisdom... in wit and humor you gain a kingdom... yet, each window of perception... needs the blinds to unfold... lest we be left... to the void... ever so cold... brava two thumbs up!!! -
This is a refreshing and interesting poem I have come across today,sure made me laugh. Although humourous it actually speaks the truth. But man I gotta hand to ya for writing this wonderful piece.
Wonderful write
Regards,
Pisces. -
Right On!!
I don't know how much better I can express my heart-felt endorsement of this work than to put my points where my mouth is!
Consider yourself featured...and it's my damn pleasure!!! -
Lol... I'm laughing my ass off here, Michael This is such a fun read and as Von says, not a word out of place.
Freedom of speech is ours to have
As long as it's not bad words
Or raciel slurs or threats of death
Or calling the populace a bunch of terds
And even if we manage that
We still have to buck the press
Forsake our expression true
Heaven forbid we cause distress
So I'll just try to play it cool
Clear up until my dieing day
Then you can bet I'll say it all
Go out screaming what I have to say
And it aint all good!!!
You've given us some food for though as well as a delightful tongue in cheek piece.
Super job, Michael
Dee
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To Mike my favourite Balladeer
quite a subject you have here,
you've handled it with wit and cheer
and I think you deserve a beer!
There isn't one word out of place,
I wish I could have seen your face,
whilst writing at a frantic pace
to fit words in, not leave a space.
~~~
Beautifully executed Mike, a serious subject, written in a light hearted style to make your point - superb. You'd never make a politician - you're far too sensible.
Von
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LOl! That's a great saying! I'm especially glad you found it enjoyable. Thanks!
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yep, it's the old ying and yang thing, isn't it? Personally, I think that if the founding fathers could see how we have interprested their constitution they would freak out! Glad you enjoyed...
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Thank you for your comment, Rebeka, and you author page is very beautiful. glad you enjoyed!
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Thank you, Del....that's all I was trying to do. I'm glad you got a smile out of it
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(You can say all the words you want to say but not in all the places you want to say them.)
You have summed it up perfectly, sir. Thank you for enjoying.... -
Thank you, Shari! Dork of yours is a title I carry proudly!!
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thank you, Kimberly....may your Fourth be explosive!
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Thank you, miss...when I raise another $2,132,000 I'll be happy to buy you!
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I think I have no voice today, the words I would have given way; no protest here, nor shall I bug, I've only come to leave a hug.
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PROTESTER!!!!! This belongs on the outside board this was very funny Mike, one commenter used eloquent, Maatkara I think it was , and I agree 100% you have said alot with this piece, the satire is thick and i love it. It is as general as it can get, something I need to work on . my pieces seem to be just a little too direct for some peoples liking. funnny where inspiration ca ncome from isnt it...peace
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Thank you, mymuse. i've got 214 on this site...help yourself!
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LOL! It doesn't stop there. There are protesters protesting my protesting the protestors! Yep, the constitution is a wonderful thing - except when the Supreme court makes mincemeat of it, like they just did.
Thanks for the thoughts and reply... -
awesome
this is totally amazing.You are an amazing rhymer and a beat is definitely eveident.I enjoy this very much and its very true lol.You have alot of talent!Could you send my some of your poems?Thanks very much,
Mymuseisvig -
LOL! Actually there was no irony intended (except for maybe a tiny little bit ). I was not making a point, neither was it a protest against cursewords. i,personally, don't care to have them in my poetry because it shows i wasn't clever enough to say things another way. Sometimes, however, as in this case it is more powerful to have the reader come up with the word than have me just type it in. I appreciate your thoughts...
Edited on Jun 24, 11:17 because ''. -
I love this poem! Truth with a hilarious twist. It's genius. It's too bad I don't own a magazine, I would print this work in a heartbeat! You have a real talent, I wish you the very best of luck trying to get it in print.
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Quite a humorous little piece you've got going here, lol. I liked the irony presented here, the tongue in cheek outrage and of course that clever twist of there is freedom of speech, but only in certain mediums, lol. But I also guess what I like most about this is the fact that you can post a piece about protesting the protesters...lol...don't you just love that Constitution?
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Interesting. The rhyming of the piece didn't suffer even when people focused more on the topic than the poem, which is good. The humor's very helpful when paired with this specific topic, and I loved how you actually used censoring in the poem. Good job!
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Your words are so true and so appropriate for this time of the year as we begin to plan and plot for Fourth of July celebrations. Sometimes we all need a reality check, I suppose and you have delivered one at a very timely moment and with such a delightful touch of humor. I like this. This is universal and applies to everyone, everywhere. Great job Mike!
♥ Kimberly -
Marvelllously terrific, and sustained throughgout quite a long piece that was never in danger of becoming boring. A really strong drive was felt through the lines and a sense of joviliality and yet seriousness that's was great and fitting.
Sam. -
This is amazing! It had me smiling the whole way through. Truthful humor is the best, ya know? Lol, you should publish this in a magzine! Lol, great write, hope you get many reviews, this deserves it!
~Rhea~ -
Ok I know that commenting on the BG is lame, but I have to tell you I think this is a very cute BG and helps give the poem the lightness you intended. So often it detracts or gives the wrong message. If what you say in your author note is what you mean then it is perfect.
Now for the poem itself:
I think you have done a great job of getting this point across. It is well phrased so that it should be clear to anyone. I am glad I was pointed to this.
I may have to come back and see what other treasures abound on this page...
Susan -
This is a fantastic write, truelly the best i have read in ages. It gave me the chuckle i needed today. Best thing about it is that it is so true. Well done with this and i am sure it will go somewhere. Thanks for sharing.
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Great job! LOL! I absolutely love it. Your ryhmning is awesome. I don't thisk I could come up with anything this creative. This is awesome. and so so True!! I applaud you!!!
Brandy
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Very Funny and true. I get soooooooooo tired of hearing people complain about censorship, because we have the right to not expose ourselves which also grants us accountability. This poem is hilarious. Keep up the great writing! I'm looking forward to reading more of your stuff. (unless I feel you should be censored) hehe.
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Ugh...I agree wholeheartedly...Awesome piece, and the flow was never lost throughout the whole poem, and that's important when making a poem like this. GREAT JOB!
-Everyones Dead -
that was pretty funny. i enjoyed the trials the person had to get through. and your right. we have the freedom of speach.
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the irony of this piece is that you decided to censor the word "shit," are you afraid of profanities, or were you making a point?
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LOL that was great. I generally dont like really long poems as they get boring to read through, but this one was so great it just made me read every single line. Its a really funny poem. Its also about a topic which I think comes up a lot on allpoetry. All that you say is true because everyone does or may I say should have freedom of speech. Congratulations on a great write and thank you for sharing this
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Wow I really loved this. The length of it didn't bother me while reading it because I was constantly amused by your witty words. You are simply brilliant. I wish there were more humor poems around here instead of dark poems everywhere you turn. Anyway you are an extremely talented poet and individual. Great write!
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Very original, and very true! Thanks so much for sharing your poem with us!
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LOL, I'm new but I've been hearing about the debate here. Seems like much ado about nothing but what do I know. I loed the poem, it was funny and well written and with that definite satiric touch to make the whole thing work. Either side of the debate can readthis and appreciate the humor!
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wow! I love it!! i couldn't sotp laughing!! this is a wonderful right! it is! it is! its very good! Well done!!
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In the words of Lenny Bruce, "When you lose the right to say "fuck," you've lost the right to say "fuck the government.'"-Curtis Meyer
PS Please feel free to read any/all poetry posted on this site by K-Dense (myself) -
Reenie, you are right on....a tug of war indeed. It DOES keep our muscles well-toned, though, doesn't it?
Thanks for enjoying the tongue-in-cheek
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LOL! I can't agree more, Bill. When the Good Humor ice cream man started skipping my block, i knew I was in trouble! We need things to smile about and thank you for making my poem one of yours.
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Thank you, windhover, for enjoying my little foolishness. Actually, the protesting is still allowed, just in a different location away from the front page, which can certainly be interpreted as a restriction of rights. I, personally, look forward to the day when they will be returned because protests are an integral part of any organization, if they are done in the right way. Hopefully, the tactics that got them moved, such as hijacking the feature box, ranting, raving and cursing instead of constructive dialogue aimed at finding solutions instead of perpetuating chaos, will be eliminated and poets will be allowed full freedom in having their voices heard. Anyway, that's getting into political talk. My poem is simply a spoof on the "free speech" we all clamor for and a small reminder that even free speech carries responsibilities. I appreciate your thoughts....
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Charles, I thank you for an excellent reply that makes very good points. Freedom of speech has always been, and will always be, an extremely important right of ours and it has indeed made a huge difference in our history. One of the things that made the words of Dr. King's, and others like him so vital and powerful, was his eloquence and class. Had he simply screamed out KILL WHITEY or TO HELL WITH THE GOVERNMENT, he would not be viewed and revered in the way he now is. There would not be streets named after him nor a national holiday in his honor. The true masters know how to get their messages across in the right way. Dr. King spoke of a future where blacks would be free and earn the respect of all men. Of course, by saying that, he was in effect saying that it was not the case presently so he was getting his point across and still spreading words of hope and peace to his listeners. THAT is using freedom of speech to its full advantage.
Best to you...
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Brilliantly done, Mike! Excellent analogy, funny and dead on.
'Freedom of speech favours the eloquent' is a saying I love, and you've just exemplified it.
Rhythm and rhyme very well done also.
~G
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Nice to see someone having a laugh about the freedom of speech rather than complaining about not being able to say whay they want. The last two lines were my favourite as its true that you can get away with most things on the internet, great poem
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Creative
This is to funny--LOL---and true.
Very good write and flow.
Amanda -
Pretty funny, not belly laugh funny, but a decent satire about the common misinterpretations of Freedom of Speech. I think there were a couple of cuplets (Sp?), crazy alliteration there, that could've been ironed over. I couple, I think.
Nevertheless, nothing off-setting, generally a humourous write,
-Vasquine. -
This is a fabulous write ( I do take it sort of as tongue in cheek) I always kind of chuckled at this freedom thing , for we all have it and all exercise it...we can write what we want , they can publish what they want....we can holler and scream and they can make us be quiet....rights and freedom ...and vice /versa....founding fathers left a lot out and did not seem to swift at times... I believe a lot of it was self serving at the time ( amd i think it still is )
Reenie
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X>!! I love this. And it's so very true. I loved how your rhyme flowed wonderfully, even though you used all kinds of big words. Like consitutionality. X> So yeah. This was awesome. applause
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this was really surprising
Excellent work
I like the way that it is serious but at the same time funny
I like the beggining best and that little bit in the middle where you wrote,'
Pass them out on city streets,
Nail them to poles and trees,'
andi like the other bit near the end......o god I like it all
great poem and great rhiming ten out of ten
Maria -
An absolutely fabulous write - full of wit and whimsy, but with a central core of seriousness.
Well deserving of an applause.
Robin. -
great work
Fantastic! I sincerely enjoyed both the point you made and how you went about making it! -
priceless...as a poem and as a commentary. tounge in cheek kind of wit i adore. bravo!
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rock on!...freedom of speak is a right take some much...this poem made me laugh out loud..it flows so well and has such a wonderful meaning...i also love the picture..such a perfect picture for this poem..wonderful write..keep it up
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Freely spoken
WOW! This is awesome, seriously! My favourite yet, I think!
Wow, man...crazy..
~Helena <3 -
OMG! I'd have to say the second stanza is what got me laughing the hardest although the whole poem was hilarious. But like everyone else said, it is true also. Some people don't know where to draw the lines when it comes to what should be printed in or on the news. Great write and great use of words and flow of words.
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that was amazing, well done i really liked that poem and I really agree with u! good job
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Well, I have to tell you I did, indeed, get a good chuckle out of this and I was easily able to absorb the underlying truth to it all. By the time I read the last line I got the distinct impression that a recent occurance at AP may have prompted the write, but I daresay you have made a nicely generic satire out of it. Well done.
Del -
That is a great piece of work. I love the last line. Gives it a finality, but I can see a continuation of ideas about censorship on the internet.
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