Who could have imagined
a beautiful place?
Amidst all this misery
hidden safely away.
I visit quite often
but wish I could stay.
Forever within its happiness.
My love eternally.
Surely here is paradise.
But who would ever know?
This is where I pledge my love
for the ones who mattered most.
The sun he shineth alway
on the Garden of My Heart.
Bright flowers bloom.
Clear waters glisten.
Birds sing joyful tunes.
And fritter in the breeze.
Occasional small white clouds
drift past us just for show.
As I stroll hand in hand
arm in arm
With the ones who left me
so alone.
Author notes
This poem is actually a published piece but its only a rough
draft. I want to enter it in runawaytrain's contest for june,
the theme for which is "paradise", but she is very picky so
help me out here. There is no forced rhyming allowed and no
"cliche". As you can see its almost like two poems and even
has two titles, but I dont want to separate them, just try to
combine them a little better. Any and all suggestions will
be appreciated. buster
Written June 23rd, 2005
What did you think
Comments
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Dang, another exceptionally wonderful poem by you.. I can't decide which is best, maybe they all are best..
This one is very touching, beautiful piece.
Dee
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Wow. Good on you for being published! Well done. This piece is unique and turns me to your style in a great way. Tony.
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Thank you, Danna. I cant wait to get your expertise on it.
... buster -
I will email you a critique of this piece. Just a couple simple little things will tighten it up nicely. It is a beautiful concept. Sorry it took me so long to get here. I have been busy.
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