Rebirth

The day you left,
    I thought I wanted to join you…
For my weakness
    was all I knew…
When I saw your lifeless body laying there,
    all I could think of was,
          what am I going to do next?

You were so alive,
    just a few days before…
With so much to live for…
You had a man who loved you…
We had such hopes and dreams
    for our future…
All this was taken away,
    so very suddenly…

But I knew,
    I knew it in my heart…
You had made the choice,
    not for yourself,
          for somehow,
              you knew your life was over,
                    but you made that choice
                        for me…

You knew,
    somehow,
          that you would not recover…
It was only a matter of time,
    before you left anyway,
          so you made the choice,
              for what would be easier for me…

Then, one day, I began to realize,
    what you had done for me…
That, through your love,
    you wanted what was best
          for me…
And that you had done
    all that you could,
          to make as easy
              as possible,
                    for me…

You knew I could find new love,
    find new happiness,
          that I would remember you fondly,
              that I would never let you leave my heart,
                    you knew…
You also knew,
    that if you
          had not gone forth
              on your own,
                    that I would suffer
                        from never ending guilt,
                              for many years to come,
                              for what I would be forced to do…

As a result of your decision,
    one day quite recently,
          you opened the door to my heart,
              swung it open wide…
For someone was knocking on the door,
    and you welcomed her in,
          with open arms…

She knew before that day,
    that no one could ever replace you,
          in my heart…
She just never realized,
    that she could join you there…

And you would help us both,
    to recover what remained of
          I had lost…
And find that special something,
    that you and I had…
And help make it for her and I this time…

I still honor your memory,
    I remember what we had,
          love, respect, commitment,
              at all costs…

One thing that my rebirth
    will also include,
          a stronger person,
              ME…

I learned so many things
    since your death…
We’ve all heard them…

One thing is…

To live for today,
    for tomorrow
          may never come…
We never really pay heed to it,
    but now I do…
For now I know,
    it could really happen…

Another thing is…

I’ve learned how to be stronger…
    “For that which does not kill us,
          makes us stronger.”

I hardly recognize the person I was,
    he’s in there somewhere…
His heart and soul didn’t change,
    it just got much stronger…

Remember your famous statement?
“Deal with it, and move on…”
    I do…
I heard it so many times
    from your lips,
          in reference to so many things…
So I have made it my motto!

For that’s what you
    would have wanted me to do,
          deal with your death,
              and move on,
                    with my life…

Your sacrifice that day,
      has made all this possible…

You loved me enough
    to make it as easy
          as possible for me…
Even though
    you also knew,
          that it would not be easy…

Your love sustains me,
    lets me know,
          that you wanted me
              to be happy,
                    and
              to be strong…

Stronger this time around,
    when you will be at my side
          once again…
Just in a far different way…



© Jonathan Wikkins November 7th, 2001
Revised February 10, 2008
All Rights Reserved