Critique of "Read My Lips" by LdyBrknWing

I loved the sensual feel of this poem, the rhythm and rhyme were interwoven in such a way that the words flowed effortlessly across the tongue.  

From the first stanza to the last I was caught up in the romance of this piece.  “Move closer,” “trace” “linger” pulled me into an intimate room and told me that this is place I want to stay for awhile.

The second stanza told me that it’s safe for me to love again.  That the pain of the past can be washed away and that yes the sun will shine again.

Then oh that first shiver of love, his caress releases me.  His desire overwhelms me.  I wonder how can I share these feeling with him.  I long for him to take control to “make me” tell him, but I think more then that to “make me” let go of my inhabitations.  To give all that I am to him.  “Closer now” seems to hold so much meaning, I want you closer and closer until we are one, and then I’ll know that’s it’s safe to share all my secrets.  

The final stanza seems to hold all the power and passion of an orgasm.  His breath (hot and urgent) upon her cheek.  “The answer” is the final release of passion, and you must work for or seek it.  Then “time stands still” in those moments of ultimate pleasure, nothing else is thought of, experienced, desired… in those moments “all else” is truly “eclipsed.”  In those moments her lips are parted, sounds of love echo through the room and to know what she’s feeling, he only needs to read her lips.  


Now I don’t know if that’s what the poet meant to convey, but that’s what I got out of it.  I actually could have written a much longer critique, about all the things I read between the line as I read between the lines, but that could have gone on for pages.  I like a poem that keeps me thinking and trying to find more behind the actual words.  One the makes try to figure out why a poet choose a certain word over another.  In the best poems you will find that each time you read you can find more nuances by paying attention to the exact words used.  I found that to be true with this poem.  

The lack of (end line) punctuation didn’t bother me, but one line seemed to need a small change “Wake me from this long, dark night” .  I felt the comma would serve the flow of the poem much better if it was placed after “from” instead of “long.”  It’s such a minor change that I hesitated to even suggest it, and I certainly couldn’t tell you why I would prefer the pause sooner.  

I think I’ve read 3 or 4 poems in this contest that I would consider publishing if I was putting a book together; this is one of my top choices.

Patti