As I immerse my soul in midnight's tears
I try and wash away the memory
Clearing the poison of my tainted fears
Accepting our chosen dichotomy
Your voice screams at me from so very far
Your eyes show another forgotten time
My submission creates a brand new scar
As my heart writes another lonely rhyme
And here I am just trying to believe
Fighting the beginnings of denial
Wondering how I could be so naive
And trying to find anything worthwhile
Reality is there for all to see
Your lies have destroyed what is left of me
Author notes
Written June 21st, 2005
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Thank you... you have brought a smile to my face
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AHAHAHAHA!!! YOU ROCK!!
Just wanted to get THAT out of the way...
You seriously rock harder than ever i have heard...read, someone rock before. I'm just...astounded!!
This is a sad, sad, sadened, sadedly, sadness, sadlike sonnet, did i tell you i adore sonnets?? I ADORE SONNETS!! And this is a dark one...curiouser and curiouser...
I have so many favorite lines, no way i could list them all...BUT, i have poetry that sounds all like this, from when Ethan was gone...now i'm just all a flutter...ETHAN!!
Dear, dear, evlclown, i see you're fighting your demons. Your demons sound hard and long and mean, and i bet they have very pointy claws and gnashing terrible teeth, and rolling terrible eyes (i read "where the wild things are" last night...
) and mcdonalds saturated bellies...i'm sorry. I'll give you a flashlight and a pickle.
*gives you a flashlight and a pickle*
See?? That makes everything better!!
Great job, i can't really describe how much this is amazing, because i'm not really good with beautiful words associated with your poetry... .
Here's a hug from me to you.
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I like your changes. Well done.
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That happened to me.
I denied her character for 5 years before the abuse broke my spirit. Painful as the disillusionment was (very), I have a clearer view now of all my relationships.
There are a couple of places where I don't like the wording. "renders - asunder" is not violent enough, and for the meter, I would like a single syllable, even though the meter of the line is left incomplete. "screams - thunder" is another one, it doesn't match. I like the sense of it, that the words are not intelligible, only the threat.
This is a great piece of emotional expression, I applaud you.
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I think for me it's been reading Margaret... And writing the villanelles (keeping in pentameter - not always Iambic) I still think this one could be adjusted to be iambic as a couple of the lines are not quite there... but it seems so much easier to write the dark, the loss, the disappointment than trying to force light onto my muse...
And to be honest I'm still on that "evl" site... running a contest even... don't know where I'm going there... but at least still having fun somewhat.
Thank you Yem... -
Thank you Sis... I don't really know if the coccoon is breaking open and the butterfly is ready to emerge, but we'll see...
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the continuity, the flow, it is amazing. The rhyme is excellent. As sonnets go, this is excellent. Wish I could write them. You've really found your niche my friend. You've obviously been honing your skills since we were on that evl site.
This has a controlled, understated emotion which I think really suits you as a writer. You voice your displeasure almost with a seeming resignation. Those last lines certainly suggest such an outcome. The subject of this poem could have been me 14 months ago! -
You snuck this in. It is simply YOU and as such, BEAUTIFUL.
We do get destroyed in life; constantly rebuilding as we go. I can see you're moving on, even if you can't. Can you? Embrace not who you were or the time wasted, but the old you and the new you that is emerging as one whole. I see you as whole; even if you see only the broken you.
I think, for perhaps the first time and certainly the first time in a long while, that you're willing to try. I hope I'm right dear brother
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