It's the asinine honesty that I fear
I could be craving under
Beaten orchid eyes
Showering me with the petals
Of our beautiful untruths
Because I am almost dying
Potent words with past unforgiveness
I do not care to elaborate
With deeper meanings
The story of his needles
My ribs
And all the shadowed ghosts
Achieved when my heart was breaking
A longer list of aches compiled
Locked down with metaphors meandering
So the pain is eased
A slight slackening
To stop my soul from burning out
Behind a memory of lies
I cannot give you everything
My slate of secrets
Covered still and held with the merest touch
Of pride still gaining
The haunted look that
Invades my eyes
Because I could not tell you
What scares
Me.
I never was strong enough
Hurt enough or loved enough
To finally believe
I hold on tight though my grasp is slipping
To hide that final indignity
Exactly what he said to me
From behind those
Heroin Eyes
And I am
Sick of manipulating words into beauty
Because it's so hard to smile when you're
A touch away from tears
Author notes
prettylikedrugs
In a list
A contest entry
- The Sky is Alive by sweetpearl.
2975 points, ended July 29, 2007, 26 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - [♥--drugs--♥] by whiterabbit..
375 points, ended October 15, 2007, 39 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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This was so raw and hard-hitting and it just makes you want to cry. There are a lot of great lines in here, but I have to agree with everything, the last stanza is fucking heart-breaking and amazing. Definitely worthy of the gold trophy. Great job, this was a powerful piece
Jeanette*~
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Thank you
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lip smaking good...!!!
well written & a true expose of the heroin heart... WRITE ON!!!
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wow...this poem is amazing...i love the in depth description that you portray....the flow goes over smoothly too....very outstanding write
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This is just wonderful. I love it. Your writing is gorgeous and there's so much sadness here. You're extremely talented and thanks so much for entering.
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It's been a while since I've read your work ... damn slacking ways. I'm sorry I haven't been a better responder. However, I love your work every time and I think you're well aware of it ... well I hope you are. If not, let me know and I'll make better with myself!
"It's the asinine honesty that I fear... - ...Of our beautiful untruths"
--these first five lines are really well structured and phrased. The third-fourth line are so beautiful yet ... possibly achingly beautiful. It's pretty words mixed into a hurtful emotion. I love when the combination of light and dark are used.
"Because I am almost dying... - ...Achieved when my heart was breaking"
--I wish I could think of the words to say ... I think this is absolutely astounding. Just ... ugh, by god every word just fits so perfectly. An absolutely flawless bunch of sentences.
"A longer list of aches compiled... - ...To stop my soul from burning out"
--Line five here, I love it. The words you chose worked superbly - "aches", "compiled", "meandering", "eased", "slackening", it really helps the feeling along.
"Behind a memory of lies... - ...Of pride still gaining"
--"the merest" to "gaining" - fuuuck, woman why you do this to me? I cannot find the words to express how good and raw this is. It feels very realistic yet doesn't dull itself down with regular speech.
"The haunted look that... - ...Me."
--you can feel the fear, it's amazing how so many have thought this but I have never seen it written out. This is wonderful.
"I never was strong enough... - ...Heroin Eyes"
--love the repetition of "enough" here, ow, it hurts. I hate lies ... the way they twist someone up inside.
"And I am... - ...A touch away from tears"
--the best ending ... fuck, it is incredible. Words cannot justify. Just know I adore it. This is harsh and sad and filled with regret for trusting someone who hurt you in the end. I hate when that happens. A fabulous write.
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First, let me thank you for entering my contest.
Second:
The flow and imagery was very well done. Great use of alangolies. Original perspective. I suggest isnerting some more spaces, as to not OVERWHELM the reader, and I PERSONALLY like to see puncuation.
Very good. -
WoW.
Abso-fuckingluptly-amazing.
So intense.
It feels like.. I don't know. When i read it i was kinda shifty. Like something awful was about to happen. Like I was doing something I shouldn't be.
Thank you for entering and Good Luck!!
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Haha yeah - never go out with one either
Thanks so much - my ego fuckin loves you
xxx -
Wow.
"And I am
Sick of manipulating words into beauty
Because it's so hard to smile when you're
A touch away from tears "
I had to quote those lines ^
They are simply beautiful.
I really enjoyed reading this poem.
It is Oh-My-Freaking-Gosh amazing.
Your words are enchanting and haunting at
the same time. It is such a pleasure
to read. I get lost in your poetry
and lines like
"A longer list of aches compiled
Locked down with metaphors meandering
So the pain is eased
A slight slackening
To stop my soul from burning out"
Just amaze me so much.
You have so much talent and this is so well written.
Never trust a junkie-- damn straight.
Thank you-
Lithium n Lollipops
♥
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I absolutley love this poem. It is so heartbreaking and it reminds me of my father. You're one of my favorite poets on AP.
~Tricia 
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awesome
this is great. and yeah, never trust a junkie, even if its you, your sister, your boyfriend, your hero. all it leads to his heartbreak. Great poem.
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holy sh*t this is a really really good poem
i loved it
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Thank you.
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i love it. your writing facinates me. i aspire to be able to use words as you do.
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Thank you, cheers for spotting the typo! I never would have done.
And yeah, that's pretty much what it's about.
Love ya too, see you later!
xxxx -
loves it.........ur gettin so good its crazy....again though i am not rli sure what its about!
although i know its about someone who takes heroin...not so much about overdosing....
typo right at the end *manipulating*
Love ya....see u tonite x x x
James -
Thank you so much for your comment. I'm glad you liked this and I'm so sorry to hear what you and your friend are going through. Good luck and I hope he gets through it.
Thanks again.
*PrettyLikeDrugs*
Edited on Jun 21, 3:00 p.m. because 'typo'. -
woah...powerful stuff. that made me cry...um..because my best friend/band mate overdosed on heroin two weeks ago. and he nearly died...and hes still touch and go with life...and im so scared for him and i havent told anyone else but im freaking out over it completely...the ending was my favourite bit. because it seems like forever now that me and tom are both going to be a touch away from tears.
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Ah, I liked the last stanza of this. It's so real, so true, so...in your face if you know what I mean. Good job
Jen -
Unique !!!! me likey
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