Life is, and then it isn't?!
But who can tell you why?
One moment just a baby screaming
The next you die, goodbye
It is perplexing and wonderful
To ponder such potent things
But what the hell can it be used for?
Ring the bell
Then angels sing
So into vast black night
I stare
No moon to guide my sight
Just a zillion points of twinkling life
So far, but very bright
I make my peace
I commune with my dead
No remorse does blur this night
As still I wonder, looking far and distant
At all these stars alight
A pondering moment
A question of faith?
For justice we do yearn
As life's so wide and time so short
Fate's turn to twist and churn
So smile and wave
At uncertain moments
Let us fly
To the embracing light
Inclusive in manner
Rejecting nothing
Climb life's path
To these stars
Tonight.
Author notes
Written June 19th, 2005
What did you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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I sincerly hope the operation goes well. It's just that I come on this site to read poetry, I don't mind people describing stuff in a different way to me, but I still think that some poetry is better/worse. Though sometimes it's difficult to justify why. I understand some people may just want to share their feelings, emotions but I sometimes think they do it ineffectively. For me everything is about technicality, it underpins how the reader recieves what is said. I worry whether every single word is the right word. I don't think criticism is dreary, it shows an serious attempt to engage with a work. All the best with your operation.
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:-)
how mysterious and wonderful it all is, lol.... because it is ... that is my point, this is not about technicality, it is about me sharing my time with you. in fact i paid points to share with you, not for anything more than share something, smiles, and if you do not like what i tried to invoke? well then it wasnt your moment to share with me?!... smiles.. but here we are communicating and i have never met you before... my world has gained another point of view and my time has been made greater than it was before, maybe you have already been there, but it will be interesting to see how pedantic you are about small things such as metaphors and rhythms when you have been told of a disese in you that cannot be cured.. all i can share on that is it becomes more important to ME... or YOU that you describe the simple emotopns as you can.. not measure them, as measurement only means something if there is something to measure to?!... lol.. morbid this sounds but i do not mean to be ..lol... every sight sound emotion has a colour and we all describe the same thing differently, that is a great thing about being in this poetry world... :-)
amazing hey
cheers
mike -
lol
:-) thanks for comments, many that have read my stuff at open venues over the years have mentioned why i make it difficult in the rythym departement, i just write!rythme, prose whio cares? if it makes you feel something, i write rythmes because it happens that way, even if i try to write prose?.. you get that .. it is me .. i want some blury image to make or invoke some emotion in you,
but like all art, cause that is what this is, no matter what we describe draw or communicate all will see different things, and it is the response that is interestin to me, not so much the cdontent.
but i do love to be non comformist, and not struggle to make something fitr to ensure others make nice comments.
poetry is about creating feelings and mental images, not as many in here believe, a measure of technical report writing, of which i used to do, but of crude bludgening emotion and the sharing of this amazing congregation of intelects and shared emotions in a place we call life
cheers
mike -
smiles.. i just happened to be waiting on a life saving operation at this time of writing ...lol.. and yep , i am not wanting praise .. but i love your critisms.. my problem cannot be cured and i now have so called quality of life improved given back to me... but for me poetry is about sharing emotions or some feeling, not a matter of judgement.. it is a pity you make the act of sharing the views and interpretations of life a dreary critism.. :-0 but thats cool... smiles
and i do appreciate the comments, in fact it made my dasy.. i do not write much anymore as i have trouble concentrating and reading
keep challenging , it is great
mike -
i think your poem could use imagery to make it a powerful write surfer. try making a picture in your mind of what you want to say, put that picture into words for the reader so that they may see it, and you'll see that this poem can then POP out into the mindseye of your readers. Poetry is SHOW, not tell...and by showing you could have a beautiful poem. let me know if you work on this further with this in mind. i'd like to re-read again!
Jo -
Niuce imagery, but your rhymign is off; throughout thepoem your inconsistant, if you ahev to rhyme, the flwo of a poem is better if you follwo a set pattern, the exception is, of course free thought. It is a promising piece but just 'cause I'm anal rhyme scheme bugs me.
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really made me think... also it was smooth and easy to read, and said a lot with not too many words... i really liked it
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tranquil perfection , nothing more to say !
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Awesome!
Beautifully expressed with many profound thoughts worth
pondering. The universe is as endless as our quest for
truth and knowledge. I believe it lies within each of us.
The images were illuminating and inspiring
Edited on Oct 06, 12:31 because ''. -
If you call your poem stars, then it better live up to the title, give the amount of poems that have used star imagery and I don't think this poem did.
I don't think this poem should rhyme, because I found too few of your ryhmes convincing. By that I mean you manage a way to ryhme, but I mostly think so what, it ryhmes.
There is for me too much talking, and not enought poetry. The writing feels earnest, too deep into it's own profundity, it's own sense of wonder.
Having said that I do think the line "Ring the bell
Then angels sing" very very inventive. I just wished you worked with more sharp clear imagery/metaphor like that and cut out the vague philosphical mumblings of how mysterious and wonderful it all is. -
I really like this. It doesn't sound typical.
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wow
wow...very well done. An enjoybly smooth, yet powerful read. -
I could see a potent poem coming up, at this moment it looks little choppy at places. Idea is excellent, and the you have tied it well...
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this is awesome i really like it. its very creative and fun to read, i never got bored!
good job keep up the good work.
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