Recite a moment
that shouts for a memory.
That wants to look at the reflection
in the mirror, to look at its meaningless
existence.
Try me,
perpetuate;
then fry me, over easy.
Call it a mockingbird
on my shoulder, the burden.
I'll shower in intense
frigid cold.
My soul molded like clay.
To fit every broken heart,
and plaster the bloody remains
onto magnets that don't stick
on your refrigerator.
Author notes
Love and heartbreak.....the pieces of my heart plastered onto refrigerator magnets...but of course my heart is always broken into falling pieces...I guess that makes me the magnet that doesn't attract anything.
And of course the subject for this poem is obviously my heartbreak.
Written June 19th, 2005
A contest entry
- Anything goes!!!! I want an AP family and friends list!! by saz 09.
460 points, ended September 20, 77 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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I love the lines
Try me,
perpetuate;
then fry me, over easy.
Great write :]
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Great metaphor and word choice
An emotional write I am sorry to hear your heart was broken, never a good thing, but I hope you have become a stronger person for it 
Also had a smooth flow to it
Could you please pop into your author notes or message me what AP fmailymember of mine you would like to be if you win
Many thanks for such an interesting read. Good Luck
Cindy
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xXCIndyAnnaXx
Thank you Cindy I am very glad that you enjoyed it so much. ~James~
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Well I rather like your take on the pain in this poem
..and I am sorry your fiancee left you but you seem like a nice enough bloke, I am sure you will find what you deserve -
well i did write this when my ex-fiancee left me. So thats why it seems sad. It's about heart break in a different point of view.
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well written
Am I meant to want to cry? This is sad to me, of course I could just be confused which wouldn't be the first time in my life lol
This is a very well written poem, I do enjoy this
I like your style of writing very much
Looking forward to reading more
Keep up the fantastic work
Stay safe -
congratulations! well deserved!
floorboards. -
Interesting use of words. Love it!
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Very well done
I can't say anything that hasn't already been said. And you are right, I really did enjoy this one. -
this poem is really powerful. i especially like the idea of frying someone over-easy, lol... great imagery here... i love it. the form and length and words all come together perfectly. i really enjoy this poem. i don't know what else to say in either criticism or advice... which is a good thing. well-done, excellent piece.
thanks for entering
write on
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This was an awesome write, my favorite lines would have to be "Try me
Perpetuate
Then fry me, over easy.
Call it a mockingbird
On my shoulder, the burden." Great job, and good luck!
Isabel
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Great
An intresting poem. I liked it a lot. Thanks for entering my contest and best of luck! =)
--Shadow-- -
"recite a moment that shouts for a memory" represents photographs....and don't you put photographs onto your refrigertor by using magnets? Now then when you lose someone that was close to you..human nature makes you want to hold onto that 'memory' and you would hold that photograph as a special sentiment, right? Well I know I would. I would put their pictures onto my fridge, but what if the magnets didn't work? Then the pictures would fall to the ground right? That's what the ending represents...falling memories. Does that make sense?
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This is a really intense poem, I must say, although you kind of lost me towards the end. I will try to figure it out more later... in the meantime, thanks for entering my contest!
Jen -
wow this is awsome thanx so much for entering, good luck
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Talk about feeling emotion! With every line I read, I was totally fascinated by your use of metaphors that were unordinary. I loved the flow of the poem, but my favorite part was the sadness within these lines. It made me feel as if I had experienced this myself. or maybe it's because I have. Very well written, it really hits home. Thank you for entering my contest and even more for deciding to share it at all. Beautiful.
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thank you very much, I'm glad you appreciated it, if you like this one you would LOVE my poem entitled "A Dire Symphony" it is the essance of true brilliance. ~TL Rush
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What to say about this one.. I don't know. It really is amazing, and the author's comments really topped it off for me. When I understand it that way, it really is truly beautiful. I liked the ending the most, it was something that didn't really make sense or fit with the rest, but it was perfect at the same time. I just loved the imagery and the concept of this poem. Great job.
Edited on Jan 16, 8:22 p.m. because 'i repeat myself a lot?'. -
thank you very much
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this is an amzing poem, you should be very proud!!!i really liked the concept you used aswell, really original.
thanks for entering, good luck
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thank you so very much
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OH MY! what a wonderful ending!! The imagery was disgustingly wonderful! I am just baffled as to what to say. It was a very interesting piece and the rhythm, rhyme, and flow was astounding. It all came together to create an absolutely beautiful piece of art!!
Brandon -
I'm the same way. Have been since sixth grade. Bit depressing, but working on gluing myself together into some pretty mishapen form. My newest nickname will then become Miss Shapen. Oh yeah.
Anyway, apart from the sameness I'm feeling (forgot the word for it), I enjoyed it. Especially loved the purdy metaphors.
Thankies for entering and sweetest of dreams! ~D~ -
This is fantastic -i like the imagery that has so much dramatic realism and the raw essences of emotion. Good luck in the contest.
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This wouldn't quite fit into the book, so I will have to thank you for entering and say 'no'.
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Wow Truly! There are some amazing and unique images envolked in this ... wonderfully done
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A path always forms from apathy. ~Loothy
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I LOVE THIS POEM. I like how it uses a lot of common phrases like "look at the reflection in the mirror" or "molded like clay" You took some common thing and turned it into a beautiful expression of raw emotion with a tone of apathy. Great job!.
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I was drawn to this piece by it's title and was not disapointed....you used extremely interesting metaphors and made them work well...although the tone is meloncholy these metaphors lightened the mood of the poem...I'm impressed...very well written...leanne xx
Edited on Oct 05, 4:04 p.m. because ''. -
Cliche is a matter of opinion, so I'll dare all I like, intentional or not, chill out! This poem with all it's many images and metaphors is open to intrepretation, I thought that I'd let you know how it worked in my mind. You calling it unique doesn't make it so, by that I'm not commenting on it's originality, but that by putting your poem into an public space, you have to expect opinions counter to yours.
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Overall I thought this poem had some very good moments.
Interesting take on dark love poetry, with the classic giveaway of the heart cliche(incidentally I l like the cliche when used appropriately)
I liked "Recite a moment
That shouts for a memory" because of the link between memory, being recorded moments in time, so the lines had a satisfying feel, but I felt in the following lines "that wants to look at the reflection
in the mirror, to look at its meaningless
Existence." the interest for me, wasn't maintained, with the "abstract" words meanigless, existence with their multysyllables and the contorted way of the image of self-reflection done via mirrors. I thought those lines detracted from the punchy surprise of those first two lines.
I liked the surprising link between mockingbird and burden.
With the lines "I'll shower in intense
frigid cold", I ask why, is that meant to signify some kind of emotional distress whilst simulateneously adding a plain image to contrast with the more out there lines? If so, I thought a stronger image could have been placed there.
I quite liked the lines "My soul molded like clay
To fit every broken heart". Although the refrigerator magnet, was an interesting surprise, I felt it was an empty one. Perhaps there's meaning in the fact that the magnets don't stick, still for me it was an unsatisfying twist into the mundane.
Edited on Sep 29, 6:04 p.m. because ''. -
thank you very much, I am pleased to know that you like it as much as I do
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HAHA... I love your metaphors, "fry me over easy" and such... These mundane images take a much more cynical and dark face. Even though, they made me laugh because i have an awfully twisted sense of humor. Great write!
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hehe
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that is cool...this poem got second place in that contest..so I was right behind you
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great
hey great poem i liked it alot was very well written and i won that contest haha funny haha great write mate and keep it up
+wellsy+
+purity+ -
This is deep stuff you write about here. A great title for this poem - love the images created by the words you use.
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thanks this is one of my favorites as well
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I love this.
and plaster the bloody remains
onto magnets that don't stick
on your refrigerator.
-That is great. This poem is super. -
This is extremly well written.
I love poetry like this.
This is th best entry Ive read so far.
Good luck!!
-Zealous- -
this was really cool!!!! though, to me, it as confusing a little, and left me dizzy, it was really awesome; like ti had a sence of coolness (no pun intended) about it good luck in the contest.
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I must admit I got confused. I really can't understand what this poem is all about. It's just too abstract for me to grasp... only, I get the feeling the poem is about writing poetry with magnet words on a refrigerator door.
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Well this was an interesting piece. Calm yet very furious as well. I liked every part of it. Especially the line "cannot stick to your refridgerator" That is something very unique. The poem was quite good but in my humble opinion it may need a little more rhythmn. Good write.
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APPRECIATIVE
don't fry thats fattening..lol
just keep writing great poetry! -
Amazing! This piece had great imagery, it had a nice flow to it, and you were using very descriptive workds! It was pretty dark, which makes me wonder why you did not put it in the dark category. I don't think that I could come up with a piece such as this, but I want you to know that you did a magnificent job at creating such art! Keep up the good work!
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Nice work; good imagery; descriptive. The flow moves well; it is a comfortable read. Thank you for sharing.
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I really liked this alot. Very abstract; dark in such an interesting way. Provoking the mind to think and create it's own version of meaning! Nice write!
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I liked the "that don't stick..." part. LOL, nice.
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this was really good i liked the imagery in the poem it was great, i really liked the lines: "Then fry me, over easy" ...those are awesome good luck in my contest
~~~Vampireblood~~~ -
"Then fry me, over easy"
I liiike it.
Enjoyed reading this - liked the imagery and the structure alot -
Awesome write, I'm glad I got to read this. This is filled with imagery. It isn't quite my style of writing and some parts seemed a bit confusing but it seems like a lot of people like ur writing which is awesome. Well good luck in the contest
keep it up.
-Jen- -
Good stuff. Nice staccato flow and a good use of vocabulary. Very strong piece of writing. No complaints here. Not a word wasted either...
Cheers,
Yossarian -
i love this! your writing is similar to that of faiy lover's, who is inteligent and crazy. Thankyou for entering, goodluck, and continue to write your originals.
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good write. keep up the good work. good luck int he contest!
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I love the line "Then fry me, over easy." I don't know why, but that line just stuck out to me as an awesome line. I like the entire poem. I like the images spurred on by the last too lines too. It's nice and twisted. Keep up the great work.
-Kittii -
Excellent imagery in this piece. I love the flow of it, I think you wrote a wonderful write.
~Dee -
you need to realize that you can have magnets that DON'T stick on your refrigerator...(I was actually considering putting that instead, creating the image of the pictures falling) all I have to do is say "magnets that don't stick on your refrigerator" and I would have created a whole different image. So when I specify, it creates the image that I actually want.
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also you need to realize that you can have magnets that DON'T stick on your refrigerator...all I have to do is say "magnets that don't stick on your refrigerator" and I would have created a whole different image. So when I specify, it creates the image that I actually want.
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you also need to remember that it's not always better when the message is longer, sometimes when you can say what you need to in shorter usage of words..I think it makes it more like a piece of art that way. Sometimes you dont need to say a lot to say what needs to be said.
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This is awesome i enjoyed reading it alot thankx for sharing such a great poem
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you're right about indefinite though...the only real reason I had it in there because I wanted to simulate something else said in the poem. But Intense works just as fine...thank you for the minor correction on that part..I was actually considering changing it...but then I got so many applauses.
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well I disagree...I didn't want the "refrigerator magnets" image because thats just not the image I wanted to create...I have a special reason why I wanted the last word to be refrigerator....I always knew you where holding back on my poetry and not telling me what you really thought...I changed my mind..I don't want your comments anymore..I just really wanted you to read this because this is how you made me feel...anyways that is all..later
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You asked me to comment, or why I didn't comment so here ya go.
I guess my only problem is that it wants to be longer because of all the metaphor you have. I would suggest sticking with one metaphor, or else elongating the piece. That's just my opinion.
I agree with other people that it would flow better with "refrigerator magnets" instead of "magnets that you stick on your refridgerator"
The idea of "indefinite frigid cold" is nice, but...well, its not grammatically correct - just to be honest. Indefinitely frigid cold would work nice, if you wanted to stick with that. I like the phrase a lot. Sort of reminds me of an icebox...which goes with the refrigerator thing nicely.
Anywho, I liked it a lot...'cept I still wish it was longer. Seems more contemporary than a lot of your work, which is really cool.
Yay + yay + stuff like that. -
thank you ..it gave me chills while I was writing it too...so I simply made you feel how I feel..my connection with emotions and feelings are just that powerful. ~Rush
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Wow... You do dark VERY well!! I enjoyed this piece greatly. The last 2 lines gave me chills. Best of luck in the contest, I'll be rooting for you.
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I'd like to start off by saying thanks for your comment on my poem "Just a word" thanks for taking the time to read it and comment on it. Anyways this poem isn't really my taste, it's good don't get me wrong but not my taste. Keep writing, you do a good job!
Much Love!
-Audra -
Yeah wow.......wow wow wow wow wow wow..........this is just............WOW.....i dont know what else to say.....its got such a deep meaning..i dont think anyone but you could ever truely understand..its amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Forever
Tempest
Elmo -
I read this yesterday, and thought it was great, but didn't comment as i didn't really know exactly what i thought about it, but its stuck in my head, and having re-read it several times, its really got me...i love it, even though i'm not sure of exactly what you're saying, but I guess that's for you to know and us to ponder on. great piece. tasha.
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I really dig this poem and can agree with what has been said already.
I do have one suggestion that I believe came from a writing instructor I once had who love to tell me to cut out words in my poems. Anyway here is my suggestion.
Consider editing the line "onto magnets that stick on your refrigerator" to "onto refrigerator magnets." Hopefully most of your readers will know about refrigerator magnets. Just a thought for an otherwise nice write. -
thank you I will
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Wow this was a fantastic write. So much heart pervect worded with raw emotion. Keep up with the briliant writes.
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thank you I am glad that you can see true beauty in its true form. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But true beauty is on the inside of the thing that you are looking at. ~Rush
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thanks
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I so very much want to learn this particular style of writing. It makes the reader know how you feel and it gives this feeling of emotion that long poems do not have. It is short and straight to the point. There is no need for dwelling on things when you can have twice the power in the way you have portrayed it. This piece was absoulutely beautiful to me.
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"and plaster the bloody remains
onto magnets that stick on your refrigerator"
wow... it's all in the ending here, that was amazing! -
thank you, you should tell your friends about this poem, I would like everyone to see it, it's a shame if anyone misses out on the experience of this great poem if you ask me. ~Rush
Edited on Jun 22, 9:47 because ''. -
awesome!!!
wow. this is freakin awesome. i do say it's quite original and the imagery is beautiful. i do hope you win because this poem is quite good. keep writing!!!
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snaps
oh my god.
My soul molded like clay
To fit every broken heart
and plaster the bloody remains
onto magnets that stick on
your refrigerator.
i love your use of words. i can see it, the pain and the sorrow and the hurt of memories you want to go away. this is an amazing piece of work. best of luck in your contest, and i am definitely looking for more work from you. -
An image assault, indeed. Lots of stuff going on here, and overall the delivery has the effect of giving one pause to reflect, and remember. How one then moves on or stays stuck in the reflection is up to us. Nicely done and good luck in your contest!
peace
doug -
great poem, very deep and effective!
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Nice poem. I like the imagery you used to describe memories. It really is something...wow...great poem, really.
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Thank you for the explanation.
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Very cool
It does seem to be an uncaring world at times. The disjointed delivery ( intentional I would bet) and the lack of organized scheme, contributed to the over-all effect. This is an image assault. Hard , in places, to pull the meaning out, but worth the effort. -
Woah. That was reeeeeally cool. I looooved it. It really reminded me of one of my friend's poetry... and have you ever heard of the band "Radiohead"? It really reminded me of them... they have some poetry on their website that sounds kind of like that. Keep writing.
-T -
I immediately understood the magnet aspect of this poem...I have pictures splashed on my frig-my youngest daughter and her ex are in several of them and it just serves as a painful reminder of what is now lost. They were together (engaged actually) for 2 yrs and I told her next time, I don't want to meet the guy, lol I think it affects me worse, lol. This was well thought out and the metaphors worked extremely well. Kudos to you~vj
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by the way "recite a moment that shouts for a memory" That is talking about a photograph metaphorically speaking..that is where the photograph came from in case you where wondering
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actually..it is not about getting shot or killed. Think of it this way. Memories are sometimes haunting, and what do you stick onto your refrigerator? Photographs? Memories? photographs = memories...and the bloody remains of my heart represent the pain I feel (because I feel heartbroken) And I feel like the little pieces of my heart are strewn out and separated onto different magnets full of bloody photographs (which represented bad memories) The bloody remains was a metaphor and not be taken literally. Sorry for the misunderstanding...but I generally don't like explaining myself because I prefer to be mysterious...but I've gone through a heartbreaking breakup with my ex-girlfriend...we had been dating for eight months...and I really miss her a lot...so...this was about my breaking heart...metaphorically speaking. ~Rush **creator of LoothyArt**
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yeah you do deserve an applause. I'll give it to you because you asked nicely and you deserve it!
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I have to agree with Chantel this poem was haunting, however I could not tell if it was about someone getting shot or killed...I wasn't sure. The blood on the refrigerator had a sort of Jeffery Dahmer characteristic. Good Write thanks for sharing!
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Love It
This is abosolutely a very powerful poem that you describe the emotion within it and the depth feelings of sorrow and sadness
This is a fantastic piece of work!WELL DONE!!!keep up the awsome work and never stop writing!!!
~*~Mina~*~ -
This is a really great poem! It's very deep which adds to its power. And your diction (choice of words) is simply stunning! Great job! Keep up the writing!
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Really cool..........I don't know what to say about this one, it flowed very well. I'm not sure about it, all i know is that it's a great write.
~Lynn
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Beautifully written. Not sure what else to say... Lol, except don't stop writing.
+Sadien+ -
it's ok..I don't expect everyone to make sense out of something so complicated *pats you on the head* it will be ok, I promise.
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I am sorry but I didn't get any of this, It made no sense.
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thank you very much ..
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Oh my friend you've done it again! Your style really appeals to me and while I would love to comment with more detail, I simply cannot come up with anything that has either already been said or that isn't already obvious...Bravo!
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A
AAAA This is very good. I know what you're saying, people sit there talking about how much your poem rocks, and you don't get any freaking applauses! -_- That happens to me all to often, lol, but, I don't do that so, here's your applause! I didn't really get this poem, but I loved the imagery and language you presented. Great poem.
Reesa
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Beautiful language.
Strong imagery.
~shaitus.
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