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Conjured Swells

Pass the swill and pull up a chair
Silence that parrot for this is rare
The seas where calm and the sky was blue
The sails were a pushin straight and true
Our lot was happy with a plundered prize
One of our greatest and no compromise
Runnin to the port of St. Thomas was we
Our gold in hand, we were filled with glee
Until the storm hard pressed our stout ship
We were close inland and the wind did whip
Too close to reef, rocks and the Island surf
This bizarre storm it stole our joyous mirth
Too late to run for the deeper waters wide
We lowered the sails and awaited the ride
The waves did pound and toss our stout craft
We thought the navigator had gone plum daft
Upon the bow he ran to the maiden’s peak
Loosing his water skin he began to speak
From the jib sail I watched as I did my work
His hands cupped water and his thumbs did jerk
Up and down he moved them dipping in the liquid
The waters around the ship began to turn very rigid
It took form shaped like the backs of dolphin’s skin
Pushing at the frigate like a pressing determined wind
The ship jumped from aft to bow, the nose dipping a bit
Turned to the open sea, bobbing up and down in a fit
Further out to sea we headed, against wind and wave
I knew in that moment all of our lives he did save
Watching the waters pushing our ship to open sea
Seeing these conjured creatures filled me with glee
Extravagant and graceful they bounded forth
Our ship cradled above them headed true north


Now if you don’t believe my story is true, just ask the blind man he saw it too!!

Author notes

I may change this up a bit as I dont really like how it stands as of right now but I wanted to have something to show for.
Written June 18th, 2005

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem, please leave constructive criticism!
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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 23 of 23

  • rufina caraid silver member
    January 28

    Edit | Reply
    I remember this poem of yours fondly as it spawned a few offshoots as I remember. It was loads of fun and we incorporated your last line. A rollicky good story.
    Von


  • Desire gold member
    October 12, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    YOU are tooooooooooo funny and so darn creative...
    Miss you greatly
    I finally made it back safely and hope you are all smiles
    I miss reading your work and plan to get back into the swing of things!!
    Best wishes to you always and to you again~
    Desire

  • queenie
    July 26, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    it stands well so i'm very interested to see who will fix this and keep it with the same vision.i'm sure there will be many entries with different interpretations but as pirate tales go.this is great.

  • HammeR
    July 15, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Yes you are quite correct on the many avenues one might take with this in tow. I too am anxious to see the results. I have read over each one so far and have laughed and have stood back in awe watching others work. I guess the next thing for me to do is find some nails.......lol. Thanx for stopping in for a read and leaving that great comment. I do appreciate it, take care.

  • heartnsoul
    July 15, 2005
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    What a great story! There are so many ways you could go with this! This is one contest I am going to follow. I am really interested to see what this grows into. A hammer and some nails and this will shape up just fine.
    ~Michelle~

  • HammeR
    July 15, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Why thank you damie, though I dont worry about the prizes too much. I enjoy writing and that is enough for me. I have toyed with this a little more trying to get everything to match just so and may add it as a revised addition, who knows. I still think this fellar needs a bit more spit and pollish on it but I like the image one could get from reading it. Thank you for reading over this and commenting on it. Take care.

  • HammeR
    July 15, 2005
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    You are simply too kind with all the lovely words of my writes. I do appreciate it and hope that the few cells of brain that I have can conjure up a few more writes that you enjoy. I am really anxious to see all the different ways this one could have been written by other authors in the contest. Once again thank you for stopping in and reading over this write. Have a good one and take care.

  • Ray Von
    July 15, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    This poem is really well written!!!!
    The ending fitted really well and it closed the poem nicely.
    I loved this well done I can't wait to read the funny version
    I'm sorry that you didn't win a prize in the contest but your poem was great!!!
    Maria

  • Terry-too silver member
    July 12, 2005
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    Sheesh, HammeR, now you know that flattery works~

    AP does not like my Linux computer. If I type an apostrophe, it works fine. If I paste something with an apostrophe, it displays as a wonky comma, and "quotes" often don't work either.

    Other than that Linux is super!
    I was glad to do this, no matter which way it goes.

    Terry

  • HammeR
    July 12, 2005
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    DeeCrepit I know that you are a very talented writer and that you sent some great suggestions. You are one of the ones responsable for this contest. You and a couple of others had some great ideas and I wanted to see all of those ideas, to actually see the footprints of others on one of my writes. I know that there are some very creative minds out there and I want to walk amongst the gardens of thier vision. Hope to see your write in the list. Take care.

  • Terry-too silver member
    July 12, 2005
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    I see I tried to do this before. Where did I get the idea I could sort out meter this time? Hah. One thing I have discovered: it is much easier to write it than to fix it. Get the sound of its rhythm first, clap it out, and then the words will fit. With the sense of waves, dactylic would be a natural TA da da TA da da, but in this case it is a tale being told not a descriptive piece, so whatever goes, if it is regular.
    Terry

  • rindomai
    July 9, 2005
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    LOL ask the blind man?!?! i like it!! any poetry on open water and pirates is fine by me!! hm now to see if there's actually something i want to change for the contest
  • Albatross
    June 29, 2005
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    Wow...I could see this whole storm happening in my head! Very descriptive... the only thing that bothered me a bit was the way the poem flowed. The rhyming sounded good to me, but the amount of words and/or syllables (sp?) was inconsistent from line to line, so it seemed a bit jerky. Other than that, it was a fun read! Thanks for your nice comments on my poem "The Un-Pirate or To The Moon"!!! Good luck!!!

  • queen Greeters member
    June 27, 2005
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    Pirates day was saved fer sure, splendid tale of the sea. Good luck in the contest. I have been to the Caribbean just last week.

  • AzureBlue
    June 26, 2005
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    Well I really love your pirate writes, rough or not! Once you have some time and energy I have no doubt that you will transform this terrific and promising draft into a masterpiece for all to behold.


    Lorena
  • LastingEmber
    June 22, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    you teased my brain with this one. sometimes this rhyming scheme gets cheesy but you pulled it off. this reminds me of a plaque my friends father had "fish tales told here"

  • B2oH silver member
    June 20, 2005
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    Ah...a rare sea tale this is...the type told in harbor shanty bars the world around....a bit of truth mixed with seawater and wind.

    I liked this fantasy piece -- you've stayed true to the voice throughout much of the piece with only a few slips. grin...it's difficult to write in dialect, but you've managed very well.

    I enjoyed this.

  • sanity silver member
    June 20, 2005
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    I love this, I don't thnk anything I have read of your I don't like, your fantasy writes always make me smile.. I know you say this is the first draft as you don't like some of it, I have a few suggestions that I will send you via IM, some of the rhyme isn't quite there... All in all though it is very good.. I too think the last two lines could be a part of the body of the poem, just finishes it perfectly...........
    Hugs and Love LindaXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

  • Terry-too silver member
    June 19, 2005
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    I'm back--- I noted in my IM that my puter defied me, replacing quote-marks or apostrophes with commas. My Linux OS is new and I have not shown it yet that I'm boss. Did it happen to you too?
    Aaargh!
    Terry

  • Terry-too silver member
    June 19, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    I'm surprised to be the first to comment. I presume this draft is written as a sailor would speak; no problem-- but still where a letter is deliberately omitted, (not a typo) an apostrophe would be better. [a-pushin' runnin'] Also, "thumbs did jerk" is a device you used here more than once; it looks forced and would be better avoided by finding a two-syllable word.
    Enjoyed the ending comment: split in half to make two lines, it would have belonged as part of the poem.

    As any poem, with a little polishing, you will like this draft.
    I have some other suggestions to send you by IM later, but for now, this will do. (Just don't shoot me out of the water!)
    Terry


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